Oh, good, Roger. You’re back in the news.

Everyone’s favorite turncoat Roger Clemens is back in the news! But it’s not for a weasley World Series victory. It’s not for a ring contest. Or even a who-has-the-veiniest-bicep competition… even though… um… that’s closer…

It’s for *drum roll please* LYING. Lying about juicing up in 1999, 2000.

And who turned him in? Who, oh who? Oh, that’s right. HIS BEST FRIEND. Andy Pettitte. Which seems to be the bigger story than Roger Clemens popping happy juice. HIS BEST FRIEND.

Roger, remember when I was your best friend? Remember that?

Yeah. Me neither.

It’s quite dramatic. All the major characters are there. The bastard best friend (Pettitte) the anxious butler turned gossip (Giambi). It’s like one of those mystery weekend novels by Agatha Christie.

Poooooooor Pettitte, the NYT says.

“I can’t imagine what he’s going through, knowing he will have to sit there and testify with his best friend right there at the defense table,” said the former Yankees slugger Jason Giambi, who testified about his own steroid use when he was a government witness in March at the federal perjury trial of the home run king Barry Bonds, who was convicted of obstruction of justice.

“I was close with Barry, but my testimony was all about me and my own use,” said Giambi, who played with Clemens and Pettitte for two years with the Yankees. “So I really feel for Andy. Knowing how he is, it’s going to be very, very hard for him.”

You know what wasn’t very, very hard? Pettitte’s veins, apparently, since he ADMITTED to using the human growth hormone too.

I like how this article seems mostly about poor Pettitte and not about jerk Clemens who LIED.

Though he never spoke much in the clubhouse about his religious convictions, Pettitte became known among the Yankees for his strait-laced life. Some of his former teammates, including catcher Jorge Posada, said Pettitte’s best quality was that he could be trusted.

Really, Posada? It wasn’t truth juice.

YOU should know.

And they were just buddies, Pettitte and Clemens. Like Milo and Otis? Like Fox and the Hound? Not so much. More like Bonnie and Clyde. You know. Except, instead of cash, it was a substance that gives you man-boobs.

“It was strange if you didn’t see them together in the clubhouse,” said John Flaherty, a former Yankees catcher. “You’d see them running, lifting or throwing a football before games, then they’d play golf on off days. It was always Andy following Roger around.”

How’d that work out for you, champ?

“Andy was always prepared to handle the pressure, but in court, he is not in his comfort zone,” Joe Girardi said. “It’s out of his realm, and it’s out of our realm, too. None of us want to see that.”

Read further, and you’ll see law experts telling the reporter that Pettitte has absolutely no reason to tell the jury any of this.

“In 1999 or 2000, I had a conversation with Roger Clemens in which Roger told me that he had taken human growth hormone,” Pettitte said in the affidavit, a potentially pivotal declaration if spoken before a jury.

And yet he testifies anyway. This means two things about Andy Pathetic.

1. Maybe he and Clemens had a fight on the jungle gym

2. Maybe he actually has some integrity

I hope it’s number 2. I’d like to be able to say something nice about Andy Pettitte. I’ve been on this soap box before. You all know how I feel about the ‘roid years. You saw how I snipped Manny like a bad habit. IF Pettitte is really testifying for the integrity of baseball, I give him props.

Before today, whenever I thought of Pettitte, I thought of THIS MOMENT. You know the one. Where Jacoby steals home and Pettitte looks like he’s going to cry? I even remember where I was. It was that pivotal to 2009. I was in an Irish pub near work in Charlotte with my friend Doug and I choked on a nacho.

If Pettitte really does this, I’ll get to remember him for two things. And shame on the misplaced focus on Pettitte, who didn’t do anything wrong (THIS TIME) instead of the juicing rock slinger himself.

But the honesty bug, it doesn’t make up for the Yankee tolerance of juicing. You know it’s true. Just look at the Mitchell Report. Look at testimonials. Look at the team. There’s a tolerance. That’s the crux of my rivalry. Well, that and Johnny Damon.

Clemens insisted he had told Pettitte that his wife, Debbie, not Clemens himself, had used the drug. In his Congressional testimony, Clemens said Pettitte “misheard” and “misremembers” what Clemens had said about growth hormone.

Sure.

I think the law professor in the Times article sums this up nicely.

“So I think Clemens is in big trouble,” he added. “He probably wants to kick himself for picking the kid who was the Eagle Scout on the block to shoot off his mouth to.”

The trial begins today, and I’ll be paying attention.

~L

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So, I’ve been thinking… and I have a tip for the defense attorney, ’cause I’m so nice. Maybe you should ask potential juries if they are Red Sox fans…

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