Archive for September, 2011

Theo, you and I are not speaking. AGAIN. And this time, I’ve got a whole off-season to stew…

September 30, 2011 6 comments

Well, it’s officially a cluster f#$%. And I am TOO MAD to use your real pictures.

From Tito:

“We met this morning to look back on the 2011 season and to consider the future of the Boston Red Sox, including my involvement with the club. I passed along my frustrations at my inability to effectively reach the players. After many conversations and much consideration, I ultimately felt that, out of respect to this team, it was time for me to move on. I’ve always maintained that it is not only the right, but the obligation, of ownership to have the right person doing this job. I told them that out of my enormous respect for this organization and the people in it, they may need to find a different voice to lead the team.
In my eight seasons as manager of the Boston Red Sox, I have developed a tremendous appreciation for Red Sox Nation. This is a special place with some of the most knowledgeable and passionate fans in all of baseball. They packed Fenway Park for every game and because of them, I had a special sense of pride coming to work every day. I want to thank John, Tom, Larry and Theo for giving me the opportunity to manage this team through some of the most successful years in this franchise’s history. I wish the entire organization and all of Red Sox Nation nothing but the very best.”

From John Henry, Tom Werner and Larry Luchino:

“We met with Terry Francona, Theo Epstein and Ben Cherington Friday morning to discuss the 2011 season, ways to improve the club in the future, and Tito’s status. During the meeting, Tito, Theo and Ben agreed that the Red Sox would benefit from an improved clubhouse culture and higher standards in several areas. Tito said that after eight years here he was frustrated by his difficulty making an impact with the players, that a different voice was needed, and that it was time for him to move on. After taking time to reflect on Tito’s sentiments, we agreed that it was best for the Red Sox not to exercise the option years on his contract.
We have enormous respect, admiration and appreciation for Tito and the job that he did for eight years, including two World Series Championship seasons and five playoff appearances. His poise during the 2004 post-season was a key factor in the greatest comeback in baseball history, and his place in Red Sox history will never be forgotten. We wish him only the best going forward.”

From Theo Epstein:

“Tito and I didn’t know each other when he was hired eight years ago, but over time we developed not only a great working relationship but also a personal friendship that will always be important to both of us. He proved to be an unflappable leader for our major league club, displaying consistency, calmness, hard work, thoughtfulness, a sense of humor, and faith in the players even at the most difficult of times. Without Tito’s commitment over eight years, we would not be the organization we are today. Nobody at the Red Sox blames Tito for what happened at the end of this season; we own that as an organization. This year was certainly a difficult and draining one for him and for us. Ultimately, he decided that there were certain things that needed to be done that he couldn’t do after eight years here, and that this team would benefit from hearing a new voice. While this may be true, his next team will benefit more than it knows from hearing Tito’s voice. I will miss seeing Tito every day in the manager’s office, and I wish him and his family nothing but the best in their next chapter.”

I am full of hate.


I have SOOOOO much to say. You don’t even know. But I am not ready. NOT. YET.

In other news, I just got Skype for an interview and I hate it.

And it’s windy and cold.

And I’m working too much. TOO MUCH.

Categories: Scary Red Sox Rants

NO. No. We do NOT want you here. GO HOME, JOE TORRE.

September 30, 2011 5 comments

Okay. I know I said I needed to breathe. I know I said that.


The Boston Red Sox and manager Terry Francona are expected to part ways today after Boston’s epic collapse in the final month of the 2011 MLB regular season. What should the Red Sox do to replace the manager who brought them two World Series titles after 86 years of futility and heartbreak? Turn to former New York Yankees manager Joe Torre, that’s what.


In an informal poll of the Boston Business Journal newsroom, one name came up repeatedly: Joe Torre.

WHO is doing this? WHO? THIS is why business people should NOT write about sports.

Just… NO.


Do you remember… were you there… do you know… do you KNOW how irritating he was? HE MADE ME GRIND MY TEETH, Soxies. HE MADE ME GRIND MY TEETH.

REMEMBER 2004? REMEMBER? Remember how good it was to defeat, not just the Yankees, not just Steinbrenner, but JOE TORRE? JOE TORRE.


Back to breathing. Your regularly ranty Lauren will be back eventually. She just needs to BREATHE.




Breathing… breathing…

Categories: Scary Red Sox Rants

Seriously? Tito? SERIOUSLY? Soxies, what’s your take on this?

September 30, 2011 5 comments

And the Skipper jumps off the ship

The Red Sox and manager Terry Francona have decided to part ways after eight seasons and two World Series titles.

The decision was apparently made last night and may be announced today. There were differences over how things were handled this season.

Or… maybe he was PUSHED.

The decision is coming from the ownership level according to sources. While Epstein was careful to say yesterday that he did not blame Francona, owner John Henry has remained quiet on the subject.

I don’t know what happened. I’m not ready to TALK about what happened. Maybe tomorrow.

I have things to say. Believe me. I have a LOT of things to say. But I’m kind of trying to breathe for a day or so. I’m trying to focus on… something else.

But Tito? Tito gave us two World Series when all the world could give us was a Jimmy Fallon movie and some Yankees puns.


And now we’re giving him the axe, the Buckner scapegoat medal and a passive aggressive handshake.

I’m not ready to talk about this. But I’m sure ready to stew over it. I’m ready to stew and stew and stew and hold it all inside like a pressure cooker of bitterness and wit.

When I am ready to talk about this, get ready. It will be like a Papel-bomb. (Except successful. And scary.)


I don’t like admitting this… but I’m with Curt Schilling on this one.
More on this when I have breathed.
Categories: Scary Red Sox Rants

Just purse your lips and whistle, that’s the thing…

September 29, 2011 12 comments

Yep. That just happened. Nope. Still not ready to talk about it…


Texts I received last night:

“Hah. ha.”

“Sux for you.”

“Told you so.”

“Let’s root for the Tigers.”

“Keep your chin up.”


And four missed phone calls.


Oh, and to the eight people that found this blog by searching “Curt Young Dead,” I… I… I just don’t know.

Categories: Sox Game Recaps

Last stand. Live blogging the stages of grief so you don’t have to live through them. Sox vs O’s, the game that counts.

September 28, 2011 42 comments

Last stand is a loose military term used to describe a body of troops holding a defensive position in the face of overwhelming odds. The defensive force usually takes very heavy casualties or is completely destroyed, as happened in “Custer’s Last Stand” at the Battle of Little Big Horn.[1]

That is from WIKIPEDIA.

“We’re either going to be good enough or we’re not…We can write this ending however we choose. We can be the team that got beat up, came back, put it together and went on this great run, or we can allow this to defeat us. Hopefully, we have enough to have it be the first. That’s obviously how we feel.”

That is from Terry Francona.

Okay. I mean, I’ve heard better peptalks, Tito.



Oh, and this one:

But yours is fine too. Um.

So… less than two hours to go. AL Wildcard waiting.

I feel like a vodka tonic. Do you feel like a vodka tonic?

Please blog with me tonight, starting 7ish. None of us should be alone, Soxies. Not tonight. Not tonight.


I.. I…

I can’t talk about this.



6:20. ESPN says lots of things, FDA. BUT SO DO WE. <- did that look confident?

Andrew. Please don’t die or, um, something. New York can be a scary place in that Youk jersey…


Hi, Kristen. You can cheer for the Red Sox if you want… I saw someone in an Angels shirt today and thought of you. Because it’s a rare sight in North Carolina.


Ready. For. Battle.

6:50 p.m. On my way to the bar. Condiments, be afraid. Be VERY afraid.



This game is maddening.

First. I call bar.

Bar says, we have internet AND Sox game.

See, I have work to do. Not just the blog. WORK.

Go to bar. It is on the fricking Braves game.

Jeb makes fun of me because of my teenage angstiness.

THREE people make fun of my Youk jersey.

It takes them NINETEEN minutes to turn the Sox game on.

There is NO internet.


It is 10:01. I just got home. Because rain delays are not worth my time or money at bars.

FDA! You would have me date a Pirates fan?!

And I am not available.

I’ve been practicing that.

Funny story.


You should not read news this week, FDA. You should not read news.

So. Now we’re just waiting on a rain delay…

If Ellie had her way, we'd just sleep. She doesn't understand how important this game is, see...

I keep reading this over and over, hoping, praying that they’re LYING.

Well… the Stanks are winning…

I REALLY can’t handle a game tomorrow. I need sleep. I need to go watch my old theatre director in “High Country Dancing With the Stars” (watching Gary do the mambo is kind of a goal of mine). Oh. AND I NEED SLEEP.

WHAT? WHAT are they doing, FDA?

The Yankees are not loading on my computer, sneaky devils.

Jeb and I met this Stanks fan at the bar. We talked because he is from Florida. Oh, and he was old and gimpy and endearing. Right. And he said he rooted for the Red Sox in 04 but that it was hard for him to root for them any other time. And I said that, since I was rooting for his team tonight, he should take the peace feather and climb aboard the Sox bandwagon.

He said okay.

It’s ’cause I’m pretty.


YES. YOU CARE. Do not give up on me, FDA. DO NOT GIVE UP ON ME.

7-6???? Really????? How does that even happen????????

Did they really accomplish that in… like… an INNING?

ohmygod! So, I’m watching these two cats. And one cat is adorable and awesome. And one cat hates me and tries to kill me in my sleep. And devil cat just cuddled on my lap! For like a minute! And didn’t scratch me in the face! So I took a picture to prove it! Side bar, yes, but more cheerful than the game!

Look! No face scratching! Look! It's a game day miracle!

Okay. I am working on my articles. Hopefully, I will be awake when this game restartssssss….

JEB, don’t MAKE me give the Red Sox fans more make-fun-of-you fodder…

TIED? I got disgusted with 7-6 and turned it off.


This is CHEAP.

What? What? Rain delay over? Aceves? Aceves! Hi! I sure am glad to see you…

HIT HIM? Damnit.


The goal is to NOT get the on base.

“How long can Franconca ride this horse?”


Ow. 14th batter Aceves has hit this year. Well, he did play for the Yankees, and I imagine that takes a while for you to get over.

Bottom of the 9th, extra innings in Stank game, Atlanta’s tied too…


Aceves used in four straight games.



And he hit this guy in the neck. So he is going to load the bases with hit-by-pitch?

And now the ump is involved?


Curt Young, when are you going to go talk to YOUR PITCHER?



Bard AND Morales in bullpen.


Aceves, please work your stress out on a punching bag or something, not an Oreo.

That batter was scared. He did a little mini-dodge. Can’t say I blame you.

Aceves looks like he is trying to exterminate you all.

ONE out.

Seriously. WHY are you doing this, Oreos? You have nothing to gain by a win. NOTHING. Just spite. SPITE.


Buck Showalter just rolled his eyes. BLAH.

Did you see the Oreo who threw his helmet when he was out at first earlier? That was hilarious.

Yikes. That just tried to kill Lavarnway. Right in the mask.


Okay, Aceves. You can hit him with a ball if you want to.

NO. I didn’t mean that. Please do not hit the bases loaded, Aceves.

And they are playing the Jaws theme. Which would work if your team was a FISH name. Baltimore, YOU MAKE NO SENSE.

Strike out to crowd adoration. Interesting how many Soxies are in your house, yes, Baltimore? I am trying to stay awake. But if I stop typing… it’s because I fell asleep on my keyboard again…

OUT. OhthankyouAlfredo.

This game is killing me.



Scutaro. Love.

Crawford. Ohno.




I HATE this announcer.

I HATE this game.

I HATE mlb.

AND I HATE this game.

Aviles is out.


I canNOT believe I have fought sleep for this.

Out one. Okay.

Out two. Okay.

Out three. OKAY.

9 Sooooo tired..


Categories: Drunken Live Blogging

There can be ONLY one Wildcard

September 28, 2011 12 comments

Got that, Jon Lester? Only ONE. Here. Let me illustrate it for you using the cult classic, Highlander.

Jon Lester! It would help if you were at least enthusiastic about your HEADSHOT.

We’ve got this. Oh. We’ve got this.

Or else.

And today, that’s literal…


So, Soxies. It’s been a great season. And… if… if…

You know I love you guys, right?

Any last words?

We are pitied? PITIED?

September 27, 2011 46 comments

I don’t know what to say, Soxies. I do not know what to say.


I don’t know. I had kind of a roller-coaster, Jerry Springerish night. Throw in a Beckett implosion, and I don’t think I’m fit to be around people. Sigh. Could someone else do the pep talk today? Because I’m spent.