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Posts Tagged ‘Trot Nixon’

Sox sign teenager. Benny C will do ANYTHING to keep beer out of the clubhouse.

February 8, 2012 9 comments

What a ridiculous news day.

In a move that has this song in my head all day-

-Ben Cherington adopted a child for us. His name is Daniel McGrath and he’s 17. And now the Red Sox are his daddy.

DANIEL McGrath is 17. Yesterday he earned a $400,000 sign-on bonus after agreeing to a seven-year contract with the Boston Red Sox. Yes, the Boston Red Sox.

”It’s always been a dream of mine to play major leagues for the Boston Red Sox,” said Daniel, who used to watch games at the famed Fenway Park with his American-born mother, Dale.

”It’s a seven-year contract and hopefully I’ll be in the big league in that time. It’s just the start of the journey and I’m going to have to work really hard to make it,” he said.

Daniel McGrath. Hmmm. It’s the 5th highest $$$ signing out of the 435 Aussies signed to play. Don’t worry. He’ll “complete year 12” before Soxing it to spring training next year. And, hey, maybe the beer store will start carding. So, there’s that.

Maybe that’s Benny’s plan. Import people who CAN’T buy beer for the clubhouse.

It doesn’t say how he got his super powers… but I think we all know where that 150 km/hr fastball pitch REALLY came from.

Do you think he’ll introduce us to Gary Busey?

In other news, Trot Nixon is heading this Hall of Fame class… but the REAL news is that he went to New Hanover High School in Wilmington. Did YOU know that? I’ve been there like, a bazillion times. It’s the high school that every movie/tv show uses when they film in North Carolina- a high school I became acquainted with during my actor days. And, apparently, Trot Nixon could have been in the same town. You’d think that someone would have told me.

Oh! Oh! Oh! But there’s more news!

Giving us yet another reason to roll our eyes at New York, Mayor Bloomberg called Boston “Loserville.” Really. Mr. Bloomberg, do you know what comeuppins are? Because they’re comeuppining in April. Loserville? Really? Tim Thomas? Are you going to stand for that? I’ll be checking Facebok later for your statement.

I will remember this, Mr. Bloomberg, and I will rub your snotty little New York nose in it on behalf of all New England (just don’t cry again, Tom Brady) in April. Seriously, footballians, stop crying. How many rings does New England have? Honestly. You’d think you were Michelle Kwan. And a silver medal isn’t THAT bad.

And stop. STOP. Pulling baseball fans into your web of depression with whiny reminders like:

If only Wes Welker caught the ball. If he had, the city of Boston would still be sweeping up the confetti and Tom Brady would be resting comfortably in the pantheon of football greats. We’d still think Giselle Bundchen was charming and we’d be practicing dance moves to imitate Rob Gronkowski’s postgame partying. Eric Wilbur would be living a peaceful life.

Sound familiar? Sure does. In fact, it sounds a lot like last September.

SHUT. UP. Seriously, New England. You WON the Sandwich Monday Contest. Who NEEDS the Super Bowl?

Arbitration has been scheduled for Papi. Here’s to hoping it’s quick and painless!

I’m not the only one, btw, who rolled my eyes at Dan Shaughnessy yesterday. Our friends at Fenway West also voiced their whatevers at ya, Dan.

Speaking of rolling our eyes, the Roy Oswalt drama continues. And my eyes? They’re still rolling. You’d think they’d get tired.

So, kiddies, what do you think? Teenagers. Papi. Roy Oswalt. I’d like to hear your thoughts of the whole mess that is the Red Sox offseason.

~L

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