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Johnny Damon? Seriously? We’re talking about this? I blame YOU, Nick Cafardo.

January 11, 2012 10 comments

(WARNING. The following post contains multiple, gag-inducing pictures of a jackass)

“There’s no way I can play for the Yankees, but I know they’re going to come after me hard. It’s definitely not the most important thing to go out there for the top dollar, which the Yankees are going to offer me. It’s not what I need.” ~Johnny Rotten.

That was after winning a World Series. Remember? Oh, you know, I think he said something else after ANOTHER World Series… what was it… what was it… oh. Right.

“This is the greatest organization I’ve ever played for.” “Winning a world championship in New York is the most amazing thing I’ve experienced.” “I’ve always been a Yankee.” “No matter what happens in my career, I’ll always have this.”

See. I think that makes you a jackass, Johnny Damon. But not everyone agrees with me…

Alas, Bleacher Report. Our alliance was too good to be true. You go and print this filth:

Why not bring back Johnny Damon to start the season in right field?

Really, Bleacher Report? Really? You are going to force me to answer that moronic excuse for a question????

Let’s take away the fact that he’s old and gets taken down by fake grass. Let’s take away the fact that he’s been passed around to more teams than… than… well

Oh, and the fact that he’s a complete, egocentric jackass (can we take that away? Can we fit that through the door, guys?) who writes his own praises on, perhaps, the LAMEST personal website in an ever…

He is the biggest whiner in baseball!!!!! WHY DO YOU PEOPLE NOT SEE THAT???

Seriously. I think I do a gooooood job of documenting every time he whines. Do an archive search on my site. Go ahead. And I don’t get all of them. EVERY TIME he is in Boston, he says something snarky. EVERY TIME he plays Boston- he says something snarky. EVERY TIME he’s given an opportunity, he says something snarky. He is a bigger media whore than Curt Schilling. And he’s supposed to be busy. You know. PLAYING BASEBALL. And when he’s not being snarky, he’s acting all whimpery and hurt. Puh-leeze. Go blow your nose on your money, JD and leave the media out of it.

So, let’s take a September Soxsplosion team that’s disheartened and, let’s face it, whiny (how else would you describe the “unnamed sources'” state of mind?). And let’s add a whiner so weepy that he makes Andy Dick’s character on News Radio look attractive.

ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE FENWAY PARK BLOW UP????????

The REALLY scary thing? There’s a poll. And, as of 10:53 a.m. today, 54.8 percent of Soxies say they’d welcome him BACK.

WHAT AM I MISSING? Is 54.8 percent of America on crack cocaine?

Seriously. Someone tell me when we decided to forgive the Idiot? Because I didn’t get that memo.

John Lackey doesn’t get a free pass for his jackassishness, and he still proudly wears the uniform. Johnny Damon??? Really???

Someone explain this using bullet points, please.

The reality is, Johnny Damon knows Boston.  He knows the city, the fans and the ballpark.

Really?

Because he was “surprised” at the fan reaction to his Stankee switch.

And he was “surprised” to hear boos upon returning to the park that let him grow his hair out.

Does that sound like a guy who knows the fans?

Or do quotes like-

You’re welcome for ’04. You’re welcome for making it fun again over there.

Make him sound like an egotistical jerkwad with a hankering to whine?  You tell me, America.

Seriously, Red Sox. You have pissed us off enough over the past year. You really want to throw Johnny Damon at us NOW? Not a good plan, guys. And Benny C- I don’t think you’re that stupid.

Johnny, go back to Tampa and leave us alone.

~L

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