Benny? Cherry? BC? Oh. And Ortiz watch, 2011. Happy Monday!

Ben Cherington needs a nickname. Seriously. I can’t keep typing Ben Cherington. What about Cherry? Or BC? You know. Like the fix-it powder? Except (Lackey excluded), he’s really not fixing anything, is he?

It’s the first Monday without a Papelbon and I’m still Papel-grieving because he’s Papel-gone. And everyone on the internet has something to Papel-say about it. It’s at a point in my Papel-brain that I kind of want to stop hearing analytics. I don’t want anyone else to Papel-tell me that we’re Papel-screwed. I don’t want anyone else to Papel-tell me we’ll be Papel-okay. I kind of want you to just Papel-listen while I Papel-stand here in front of my Papel-mirror, Papel-sobbing and Papel-singing “Unbreak My Heart.”

Can you just Papel-do that for me?

Thanks.

What will you miss the most? Surviving Grady articulated my thoughts perfectly.

And Dale Sveum is going in for another interview. Whatever. Because THIS is the greatest idea I have ever heard:

Why shouldn’t the Red Sox hand the reins over to Jason Varitek as they look to replace Terry Francona?

Let’s do it.

I really should have your job, Ben Cherington (see how cumbersome that is without a nickname, Jup?). We’d have Paps (because he’d love us again). And a Tek-manager. And… and…

So. In other news, ORTIZ WATCH 2011.

This is that part where Ben Cherington (eh) teases us about Ortiz before finally signing him. Then he’s going to send me a personal apology post-it for stressing me out. Right? Right?

Soxies, what do you think about Ortiz?

So much to do and so little time.

Have you Twittered me yet?

Why not?

Am I not Tweetable enough for you?

~L