Always look on the bright side of utter, drippy defeat. Go, Clay!
So. Um. A whopping average of ZERO runs a game has me with a heebier case of the jeebies than the 0 and 2 record. Oh. And Mike Wallace died.
But seriously- let’s look on the bright side of the Sox.
No. There IS a bright side. Here he is:
Meet Ryan Sweeney! Captain of the Those-Who-Give-A-Fudge club. Members are you, me, Ryan Sweeney, Jarrod Saltalamacchia, David Ortiz. Gonz, since you ran, you get to be first alternate.
Your Sox hitters, ladies and gents!
You’ll notice a few frequent fliers missing from that list. Like, I don’t know. Jacoby. Dustin. KEVIN YOUKILIS.
Maybe they’re waiting for their ChickenFrat to get reinstated on campus. I didn’t mean that.
Bobby V doesn’t chew NEARLY as many sunflower seeds as Tito. So there’s savings there…
Oh! And remember- Verlander didn’t post a win the other day! That was. Um…
Oh! And John Lester didn’t give up five runs.
Okay. So there’s not a lot of good news. But it’s April, people. It’s APRIL. And remember last year? We’ve got to toughen up like beef jerky if we’re going to survive the blight to come.
It’s April. No one is panicking y-
Oh. Hi, media.
You’re early. I wasn’t expecting you.
Oh, yes, Olney. Let’s alllll recap Soxsplosion. Because I just keep forgetting.
I’d rather look ahead, see, with articles like this that use the word “schneid” (REALLY?) in their headline.
“It’s more of a relaxed state of mind knowing that everything’s fine and not having to worry about anything other than going out there and executing pitches and trying to help put this team in a position to win,” Buchholz said.
That is how we all need to feel.
EVERYTHING IS FINE.
The game is at 1 p.m. I’m traveling for that whole Easter thing- having Easter sister time at 2 p.m. in Greensboro- but I’ll be updating occasionally. You know. To curse and rant and… TO CELEBRATE CLAY’S BADASS PITCHING. RIGHT?! RIGHT?!
So comment away on your breaks from bunny hops, egg locator missions, mass oh, and baseball teeth gritting.
You’ll have a video in your basket tonight. So look for that.
Still not feeling Eastery?
THIS should make us ALL feel better.
Happy Easter/bunny day (is that the politically correct version? Screw it. I’m Catholic. I’m going to go with baseball day as the pc version. Ahem)/baseball day.
2:16. So. Maybe my iPhone is wrong and it is NOT 5-3, Detroit… At least we are… Um… Hitting? Apparently?
7-5? Boston? Of course. The game I cannot watch. Of course. Can someone tell me what is happening?! Please let this be a youk- driven initiative… 2:49
7-6? I feel so helpless! I am sorry, nieces, I can’t hide eggs with you. I have to figure out what is happening in Detroit… 2:58.
9-7. I have no idea what is happening, but I am quite thrilled. 3:34.
And by quite… I mean quite. Lack of hitting scares me more than lack of pitching. You can out hit your bum pitcher, but you can’t pitch runs on your scoreboard….
Happy Easter, indeed…
10-10? Bottom of the 9? Really? Is this one of those games where we are playing ourselves and losing?
5:57. I just got the we-lost-memo. Damn.