Home > Uncategorized > I am alive. Apparently, you CAN live without… *sigh*… Jason… VARITEKKKKKK

I am alive. Apparently, you CAN live without… *sigh*… Jason… VARITEKKKKKK

I am alive.

Thanks for asking.

Seriously. The thirty bazillion messages you guys have sent me over the past three weeks have been a nice interruption from my days of working and pretending to unpack.

I live in Raleigh now. I have a real job. Oh. And an iPhone.

Now. I don’t want to come down on you too hard. After all, this is the first TooSoxy you’ve had in a month. But. I feel some criticism is warranted.

Ahem. I’ll try to stay calm. I’ll try-


Really, guys? Really? REALLY? Re-frickingeallllyyyyy?


Tim Wakefield?! Jason Varitek???? WHITNEY FRICKING HOUSTON????

What did you guys NOT destroy while I was gone? Who’s next? Judi Dench? (Please, GOD, NOT JUDI. TAKE ANDERSON COOPER. Or one of the Real Housewives!)

I just don’t know what to say to you people.

That’s why I’ve been absent. It’s not me. It’s YOU.

And your POOR stewardship of life and things.

So. Jason Varitek, hmm? I cried. A lot. I mean, part of it was that the night Jason Varitek announced his retirement was the night my car broke.

So begins the story of operation Red Sox friend hunt. Ahem. Imagine me saying this in a snazzy radio voice, k?

So, I heard of this group. The Triangle Red Sox Nation, right? So, I thought, what a perfect way to start my Raleigh friend hunt! God, of course, had other plans.

God killed the electric system on my car.

Let’s just say after my parking lot temper tantrum, Triangle Red Sox Nation will remember me…

Oh. I went on a date with a Red Sox fan. Well. Um. It was kind of a date. And another one with this really Democraty guy. That was different. It kind of felt like I was on a date with the news.

Oh. And I met this Stankee fan who is also a UNC fan and it was a thing.

There are lots of things.

I’ve gotten really good at this unpacking thing, for example.

See, the cool thing about living by yourself in an apartment with five closets is… you can do THIS.

oh! And This.

And- well, you get the point.

SERIOUSLY. TIM WAKEFIELD? He was our INSURANCE. Don’t you people listen to ANYTHING I say?

Oh. And I’m still seeing the perfect guy. The one who lives in Boone. But you know. By seeing, I mean NOT seeing. Since he’s in Boone. And I’m in Raleigh, the land of traffic circles where people are consistently confused by traffic circles. And he seems intrigued by the fact that, come April, I’ll hulk up into the Soxzombie. I don’t think he believes me, actually. I told him about that one time I accidentally… um… dropped that napkin dispenser on that one guy…

I think he doubts my hulkness.

So. Um.

JASON VARITEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I haven’t been watching spring training. Um.

And I haven’t been my usual Soxzombieness. Because I work a lot.

And. Um.

Oh, wow. He’s really gone, isn’t he?

Are we sure? I mean… um…

Are we…


I’m sorry. I’ve missed a month. I have to go watch Bodyguard on repeat with an Edy’s pint. Excuse me.


  1. March 12, 2012 at 10:29 pm

    Golly Gee It Sure Is Nice To Have Ya Back, I’ll Reckon!!!

  2. March 12, 2012 at 11:12 pm

    I feel as though I have fallen down a rabbit hole. The Sox without Varitek? That’s like a world with those bread and butterflies. IMPOSSIBLE

  3. March 13, 2012 at 12:00 am

    It’s good to have you back, Soxy! I’m glad things are starting to settle down (sorta..) for you!

  4. March 13, 2012 at 7:41 am

    Tek is in a “better” place soxy.
    You “promised” you would be back on “Saturday”You forgot to mention WHICH Saturday!

  5. Jup
    March 13, 2012 at 11:07 am

    I will continue to see Tek’s face on the face of every young catcher… mostly through the magic of photoshop. Welcome back

  6. March 13, 2012 at 2:51 pm

    TS, we missed you. Signed, SA.

  7. March 13, 2012 at 7:39 pm

    Welcome back! Missed ya!

  8. cybellekate
    March 14, 2012 at 2:55 pm

    I was supposed to be watching him? But I DID! I WAS! I did everything in my nonexistent power to protect and keep him and get him to Spring Training!!! I swear! I was NOT distracted by trying to figure out when (and if) to let Jacoby out of my golden lock-box…. But I mean hey look. At least I kept him in the franchise. At least he’s not going off to catch for some damn bird team which shall remain nameless Orioles. He’s still ours. I am comforting myself with that. He is ours. And he will remain with us for-baseball-ever. So…ice-cream treat?

  9. cybellekate
    March 14, 2012 at 3:01 pm

    ps Other than the loss of our great and powerful Captain, Spring Training has ROCKED. We have a million pitchers and they actually look good. We have won seven out of nine games, Papi is hitting HR’s, Youk is catching line drives, people are working out, Pedroia is growing a beard, that Iglesias tyke is rather remarkable, Lars Anderson hit a grand slam and Bobby V. danced in a fuschia blouse. The only one I’m worried about is Jacoby.

  10. March 15, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    Welcome back! Glad to have you back to the blogosphere, I was missing your great posts like this one.

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