Rejection?! What is wrong with the world? Is it us? Do we have something in our teeth?
Okay. The following statement is going to sound egotistical. But it’s not. It’s just a fact. And I can’t help it if facts make me look a snob, people. Rejection? Not something that happens to me. Seriously. And it’s not because I’m beautiful (even though I like to think that I am. Hmmm. That one WAS egotistical). And it’s not because of my personality (which, by the way is SPARKLING, as you see daily). It’s because of my confidence. And this theory that I have that all guys are inherently desperate and will always, always, always buy you a drink if they’re not poor, gay or taken. Well, apparently Roy Oswalt and Edwin Jackson are poor, gay or taken. Because they’re NOT buying us drinks. WHAT IS THAT ABOUT?
Remember when we used to ooze confidence? We oozed it, Soxies. And now…
Seriously. Roy Oswalt is looking at Texas and St. Louis. TEXAS AND ST. LOUIS? What do they have that we don’t have? We are GORGEOUS. Just ask David Ortiz (who Benny STILL hasn’t signed. What the FRICK are you people doing in the front office?). We’re smart. We’re talented. And if you don’t want to go out with us, there are plenty of guys who would be lucky, no- BLESSED to have us in their lives. Pretty guys. TALLER guys.
Which brings me to Edwin Jackson. Edwin FRICKING Jackson. Lucchino’s first choice. Our “whatever” choice. And now HE might reject us for… wait for it…. THE FRICKING ORIOLES, ARE YOU KIDDING ME????
There is something going on here. Something sinister. Like a love potion. Or spinach teeth. Or something. THIS NEVER HAPPENS TO ME AT BARS. TWICE? In like, a day???? There’s something going on here…
And the other irrrrritttaattting thing I’m learning about rejection- is it kind of makes you want him more. All of sudden those flaws, flaws like mediocrity and weird Vulcan pitching fade away… and what’s left is this sought after pitching Adonis. All of a sudden I want Roy. And Edwin. I want them so badly, Soxies. And… um… they… um… might… not… want… me???? WHAT CAN WE SAY TO MAKE YOU LOVE US?
I have to go question my identity now. I don’t know. Maybe with ice cream? Is that what dateless people do?
Speaking of rejection, icky, icky rejection, I STILL haven’t heard back from my first choice job-wise. Got a really amazing offer on the table in Raleigh. So, definitely fleeing the mountain… So, there’s that…