Alfonso Soriano, alas, we’d hardly heard of ye.
I’m cooped up in the condo after “over-exerting” my crutches-bound-self yesterday, bored as HELL, and NO ONE. NO ONE will bring me ice cream. It’s kind of ridiculous. And these people call themselves my friends! Hah! “No, sorry, Lauren. We have to work.” WORK. BAH. Some of us can’t WALK. Much less work. Brag about your functional limbs, why don’t you? Jackasses. Jackasses every one.
When the initial shock fades of, you know, imploding your ankle, the other injuries start to surface. Like, let’s say you slid down a flight of stairs into a wall. Clearly, your ankle isn’t the only thing you made purple. But you’re so busy concentrating on your ankle, you don’t notice the tiger striped bruising all over your back. Not right away.
I notice now.
I am SO bored, America. And limited by the many, many stairs in my apartment. And the fact that I can’t move! I have to cover something at 3 p.m., regardless. So stairs, you WILL be my bitch.
AND CRUTCHES MAKE YOUR ARMS HURT.
I went out last night. Which was idiotic. And some guy had to carry me to my car. And I had parked at the courthouse. Because that’s what you do in Boone. And a friend drove by and thought I was, how did he put it? Oh, “in the drunk tank.” It was interesting.
And I know you’re really glad I shared that with you.
So. Alfonso Soriano…
Epstein is trying to gut the Cubs from all of their bad contracts and start anew, and has been willing to eat a lot of money to do so.
His next order of business is to find a place for outfielder Alfonso Soriano. But it won’t be the Red Sox. They are not interested, according to a major league source.
I miss you, Theo.
But I have this little question. WHY THE FRICK DIDN’T YOU GUT THE SOX WHEN YOU WERE OUR GM, Huh? Why did we have to watch Lugo OVER and OVER and OVER again???? Why-oh-why-oh-why did we not sell John Lackey for parts when he was kind of HEALTHY????
And don’t get me STARTED on Delcarmen.
In other I’m-Still-Trapped-Here-and-Bored-with-Netflix news… Matt Garza is expensive.
And Danny Duquette is playing with dirt.
So. Um. Anyone got any good stories? Any good knockknock jokes? Want to bring me ice cream?
Oh, and remember that job interview I had where they basically said I was pretty and had a great personality but wasn’t “intellectual” enough for the job? Apparently, my badass package (filled with examples of my intellect, FYI) impressed them and they called me back! So, if I can ever get down these stairs, I have a meeting with the publisher a week from today.
Seriously. Anyone like online scrabble?
My everything hurts.