Jed Lowrie is gone! Stuff is happening, you guys! It’s like we’re a REAL team!
In a move that’s only exciting because, well, it’s the ONLY move we’ve seen so far- everyone’s favorite hypochondriac, Jed Lowrie, is Texas-bound.
As longtime readers know, I can’t stand Jed Lowrie. Also as longtime readers know, I can’t really articulate why.
But when I say I’m okay with this move, I am as okay with this move as I am devastated about the possibility of being captainless. Well. Um. almost.
Oh! Oh! Oh! And Kyle WHINEland. I am sorry. I definitely don’t want to leave you out. Kyle Weiland is gone too!
I’ve been okay with that possibility since September 19, when Kyle Weiland taught us what a Soxsplosion is really all about.
Kyle, you just LOOK ineffective in this photo.
So, what are we getting for this wealth of exported talent?
A new Papelbon! Thanks, Astros.
Okay, Mark Melancon. I don’t know anything about you, but the fact that this is the first image Google spits out-
– doesn’t bode well for us…
Okay, Mark Melancon… you are (were!) an Astro, wikipedia says. You weren’t even on my closer market radar… which is slightly concerning…
And that’s pretty much all wikipedia has got…
Okay. The Globe has a bit more info…
Melancon, a hard-throwing 26-year-old had a 2.78 earned run average and 20 saves in 74.1 innings for Houston last season. He struck out 66 and walked 26.
His numbers suggest he could serve as the departed Jonathan Papelbon’s successor as the Red Sox closer in ’12, though he may also be the first of many pieces added to the bullpen…
Whatever. At least we DID something. Fah-fricking-finally.
And Texas, have fun with Jed. Hope your first aid kit is stocked. Oh, and it’s Ma-lan-son, I’m told.
PS- Someone out there is trying to turn me into a Cub fan. It’s NOT GOING TO WORK, Theo. DO YOU HEAR ME????