Home > Uncategorized > ‘Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble,’ said Ben Cherington. ‘Gobble?’ asked Papi. ‘Gobble,’ replied Ben Cherington. Gobble. Gobble. Gobble.

‘Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble,’ said Ben Cherington. ‘Gobble?’ asked Papi. ‘Gobble,’ replied Ben Cherington. Gobble. Gobble. Gobble.

I imagine the headline is exactly what happened last night. Except with less feathers and more irrelevance.

The Sox offered Papi salary arbitration.

Arbitration was also offered to… nope. Not Jason Varitek. Nope. Not Tim Wakefield. Nope, not Erik Bedard. Nope, not $$$, aka: JD Drew…

If you guessed DAN WHEELER, you’re moving on to final jeopardy. Because why wouldn’t we try to lock in Dan Wheeler first, who costs us about five dollars and brings good old fashioned mediocrity to the table?!

If Ortiz signs with another team, the Red Sox would receive two draft picks as compensation. Wheeler would return one.

So, all Ortiz is worth, really, is one more draft pick than Dan Wheeler? Please don’t let this be a draft pick ruse, Ben Cherington. Ortiz has until December 7 to go big or go home. And, with no manager, no dignity and no stability, the Sox aren’t exactly demonstrating a convincing power point presentation on loyalty…

Erik Bedard, Trever Miller, Tim Wakefield, J.D. Drew, Conor Jackson, and Jason Varitek were not offered arbitration. They remain eligible to return.

I mean, last year by this time we had actually accomplished something. Yes, Adrian Gonzalez. I’m talking about you. Despite your poor old-person-jog to first, you were okay plus most of the time, and an MVP candidate.

And Curt Schilling.

Remember in 2003 when we got Curt Schilling on Thanksgiving? See, Thanksgiving is a time for giving THANKS. Usually, GMs take this seriously in Beantown. But Keebler’s going against the grain, see. Going against the grain and saying, right fielder? Right schmielder! I’m going to eat my turkey first, damnit!

I mean, some of us have to work today. Some of us had to get up at 5 a.m. to take pictures of a Turkey Trot race. And we did it with a smile on our face because that’s our job. I mean, I thought your job was to suture the Soxsplosion, Ben Cherington. But sure. Don’t worry about it on your holiday. I’m sure we won’t bleed out on the gurney, or anything. Because the Red Sox sooooo have a recent history of stable vitals. We know John Henry’s not worried about it. Because there are no worries on a yacht. Unless you’re Robert Wagner. Too soon? I think it’s still too soon for that joke. And I think I’ve been watching too much “Grey’s Anatomy.”

But sure. After a September/October/November/continuing collapse of dignity, the “wait and see” approach seems swelleriffic.

I mean, we don’t have a manager. Might as well leave the other holes open. That way we can play a full round of golf with all the emptiness. Seriously. Manager. Right field. Bull pen. Not to mention we have what, THREE healthy starting pitchers? Maybe they’re planning on an April of t-ball.

I’d like Jason Varitek to take over, please.

Or Kevin Millar. Because then, at least, if they WERE going to drink beer in the dugout, they’d SHARE.


Oh. Um. Happy Thanksgiving, people who aren’t working. Happy Thursday to everyone else…

Categories: Uncategorized
  1. November 24, 2011 at 12:40 pm

    Kevin Gregg said this “WE DONT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THERE 135 MILLION DOLLAR SALLARY…………………………..

  2. November 27, 2011 at 10:21 am

    It’s interesting that you mention Jason Varitek as a possible replacement as manager. I think he will certainly become one, but the major reason he won’t take over now is that everyone in that clubhouse knows him as a player. But heck, it’s not the worst idea in the world. It hasn’t been done in a long time. But I think Jason’s days as a player are probably over; they have to give the kid Lavarnway a chance to prove himself at the MLB level, and Saltalamacchia showed great improvement last year as a receiver (no doubt with Varitek’s help.) And I’m not sure Kevin Millar would want to manage this team.

    The main reason they haven’t made any moves yet, as I’m sure you realize, is that they don’t know who their manager is yet. That’s really the crux of it. Even Theo, the guy we know to make plenty of interesting moves, hasn’t made a move yet. Granted, his situation is wildly different (the Cubs are looking at rebuilding their entire organization as they should be.) But it’s not so much a question of loyalty. I’m sure they just want to give Ortiz a fair look at the market. And there doesn’t seem to be much of a market right now, unless you’re a mediocre second baseman.

    And as far as right field is concerned, I think Josh Reddick can handle it. At the very worst, he’s a starter versus right-handers and plays above average defense. Reed Johnson can always be the fourth outfielder, and he’ll come cheap.

  3. November 28, 2011 at 10:15 am

    Love that cartoon! First day back from vacation, I needed the laugh.

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