Home > Uncategorized > RIP, John Lackey! Ahhhhhh… memories…

RIP, John Lackey! Ahhhhhh… memories…

Day two of a bright, shiny Lackeyless year. Inspired by the folks at CBS, I started thinking about great Lackey moments of 2011, Too Soxy style.

Moments like:

April. That time you made me bawl, John Lackey. BAWL. It was Texas. And I was crying. And you were there. And you SUCKED.

April. Remember when you actually WON a game? Those words I ate that day. They tasted like sandpaper…

Remember Allllll those times when we BEGGED you not to suck.

That time you were “less than pleased.”

That time you took responsibility for something! I marked it on my calendar with an exclamation point.

That time you strained your shoulder!

That time you lost to the White Sox…

Oh! And that time you came back and the Bruins lost. Coincidence?

Remember when we threw you at Canada?

It hasn’t all been bad. Remember when I tried to compliment you?

Remember when Francona said you “lost (your) feel?”

Oh! Oh! Oh! When ALLLL the blogs compared you to a sloth. ALLLL the blogs.

Oh! And that time I wanted you deported after the Padres loss.

Remember that time you gave up 8 hits and made me not want to live in Boston?

We did lose a couple games that weren’t ENTIRELY your fault.

July 4 when you said your arm felt good. After you sucked. Remember that? And then blogger buddy Jup started a fundraiser to take a hit out on your arm? Finally hit payday, Jup. Feelin’ good.

The game that posed the question: “Why, John Lackey? WHY?”

That time I added you to the DL- the DENIAL LIST for being ridiculous.

That time Joe Maddon went crazy after losing to you, John Lackey.

And who can forget that game that you played where MIKE LOWELL came back. I mean, I can’t remember if we won. You were pitching. But MIKE LOWELL was there.

Oh! When Lackey actually won but I made fun of him anyway and compared him to Jaws from James Bond!

Remember that time I initiated the John Lackey pledge? Here was the first draft. Remember that? Here’s the final draft. Seems silly now…

And who can forget that time you let five runs swing by- oh- and when you broke Bard. Ah… memories…

And the emo post you inspired right before basketball guy came back from the dead. Maybe I should… thank you for that one?

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! And that time you helped us strand 16. Remember that, Lackey?

Oh! Your start Sept. 9. Remember that, John Lackey? No? Click here.

And that time Sept. 19 when John Lackey broke our hearts. AGAIN.

Oh! Oh! Oh! That time where Lackey sucked and we won (and he just “didn’t know how to explain it,” man…).

That game Lackey pitched Sept 25 where we won, but not really, because Jacoby Ellsbury is the only one who played.

And, of course, the BEST day: That time our new favorite problem-solver Ben Cherington announced a Lackeyless 2012.

It’s kind of heartwrenching going back to the beginning. Where it all began. From Dice-K heartbreak to Reyes fails to Bad-bad Bobby Jenks. What a long, strange trip it’s been. And Lackey… you were a big part of that downward spiral.

How does hospital chicken taste? <- Is that mean? Is that too mean?

Sorry. I just read blogs from April.

I’m okay…


What’s your fondest, most teeth-gritting moment of the Lackey spiral?


Categories: Uncategorized
  1. October 26, 2011 at 3:14 pm

    In the category of “teeth-gritting” you have to give an honorable mention to “Jaws From James Bond” since you can’t find a pair of “choppers” like that anywhere. The smiley pictures on your post are like a “separated at birth” scenario. Overall however I most enjoyed the thought of deporting him. That was very clever indeed and a legitimate, “clean” way to exorcise him. That is my fondest moment from the Lackey spiral.

  2. October 27, 2011 at 6:13 pm

    If it weren’t so dreadful, that would have been fun.

  1. January 26, 2012 at 1:26 pm
  2. January 27, 2012 at 10:11 am
  3. February 6, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: