Home > Drunken Live Blogging > Dolphins. It rained, so I am blogging about Dolphins. AND winning.

Dolphins. It rained, so I am blogging about Dolphins. AND winning.

Rain. Big deal. Our plans don’t change people. WINNING. It’s what’s for dinner. And breakfast. And lunch. And snack. And coffee break. And other snack…


So, I am preparing an inspirational blog to make everyone feel better. Based on my day.


The most amazing sports guru (Mike) I know was in the office today hanging with our sports editor (Steve). Oh and that Tigers fan I work with (Jeff). He’s here too.

If ANYONE can make us feel better in this time of adversity, it’s Mike, radio host, announcer extraordinaire.

Steve is TERRIBLE at making me feel better. He’s a Rockies fan, so, clearly, grumpiness is an issue.

So, Mike, make Red Sox fans feel better. It’s not so bad, right? Use the wide-eyed thing I think. Maybe if I look super sweet, he’ll give me GOOD news.

“Well, as a Red Sox fan, I wouldn’t be happy right now.” Mike.

“Here we go.” Steve. He’s heard this before. Like a few hours ago at lunch. And yesterday. And through random text messages when the Red Sox really piss me off. Hey, its sports. It’s his JOB.

“I mean, think about it,” Mike said. “They’ve lost first place. They have had a terrible September.”

Got it. Thanks.

“I mean, a terrible September.”


“They’ve lost first place.”


“They were 85 and 62,” he said. He says lots of things here. Lots and lots of things. Maybe I should rephrase the question.

How would you make Red Sox fans feel BETTER?

“I’ll tell you the team I think has an opportunity, but they’re running out of time, that’s the Angels.”

Right. The Red Sox, Mike. The RED SOX.

Steve, don’t you roll your eyes at ME.

“They went through a stretch where they lose eight out of their first ten in the month-“


“I don’t think that’s helping,” Steve said. Mid LAUGH.

“Well, I mean, it’s the truth. They’re folding. They’re folding fast,” Mike said.

Tell me SOMETHING, Mike.

“Even if you make the playoffs, you’re backing in. How much momentum has that given you?”

Faith, Mike. FAITH.

“Boston’s got to play tooth and nail like Atlanta. Atlanta’s dying too.”

Then we talk about Atlanta for a few minutes.

Now they’re at a computer, looking up the schedule.

“It only goes to Sept. 28,” Steve said. “They’ve got the Yankees this weekend and then they go to Baltimore.”

“It might be okay because you’ve got to figure the Yankees might rest some people. But again, Bostin has got to be really-“

More things we don’t want to hear….

“Detroit’s got no more road trips before the playoffs,” Jeff said.

“I tell you, al three teams got real tough games,” Mike said. “I would say right now Boston may back into this thing. They’re probably going to back in, but I don’t like the way Boston is playing.”

Nor do we.

“Think about it. They led the east. They were in control of the division.”


“It’s a shame, because I really thought they could have a run in that division.”

But the World Series isn’t set yet, Mike.

“It’s Phillies and Tigers in the World Series,” Jeff said.


“That’s a really good call. I’d like to Phillies to win it all because they have great pitching,” Mike said.

What about the SOX, Mike? The SOX?

“I could see them hanging on, and I mean seriously hanging on, but I don’t know what a threat they are to Detroit.”

But if you were trying to make Boston fans feel better. Feel BETTER. What would you say? If someone PAID you to do it?

“I mean, I’d have to be facetious about it, hon. I mean, if I am a Red Sox fan right now, I am grossly disappointed. How do you lose the division?”


“You came back this year. You come back to a bad start. Big deal. It’s April. Everybody knew they would recover. At the end of May- BAM- you’re the Red Sox… You’re leading the division over the Yankees and you go and blow it like this. How do you lose six out of eight to Tampa Bay?”

That’s not making me feel good, Mike.

“You lost two out of three at home and were embarrassed,” he said. “You lost to BALTIMORE. How do you lose two out of three to Baltimore. You just don’t do that.”

Well. Um. We did.

“You’re not picking up her spirits,” Steve said.
“I’m not saying that to be mean,” Mike said. “Baltimore. Here’s a team that’s in the bottom of the American League East. Think about it.”

I don’t want to.

“July, August, they were an atrocity. They were a laughing stock,” he said. “The team ERA for the month of July was over nine. I’m serious, though. How do you blow that series? You have got to win those games.”

Well. Um. We didn’t.

“You don’t let them go into your building and let them beat you,” he said.

Now he’s talking about Buck Showalter. BUCK SHOWALTER.


“That’s what happens,” he said. “It’s better than any sport in the world. It’s a long season. It’s a marathon.”

Back to the Orioles.
“That team you beat up on all year is a problem,” he said. “You’ve got problems because that team that you beat on in June and July, all of a sudden, that team becomes an albatross. It becomes a challenge. It becomes scary. You, on the other hand, you must win and, if you don’t win those games, you’re screwed.”


“They have got to be the biggest el foldo next to the Cubs.”


“When you’ve got teams on the ropes like they had and you’re letting them off the hook…”


“The Tigers’ closer is hot-o-matic.” Jeff said.

Now they are talking about teams I don’t care about. Like the White Sox. Mike is a White Sox fan.

He says they are a bigger failure than us!

“Well, yeah, because they could have won the central division.”

Now they’re talking about rent-a-player options.

Right. But Mike, what can WE do to win?

And then he says something terrible. Awful. Scary. Confusing.

“The biggest problem, I think, right now, Terry Francona is probably fired at the end of the season if they continue to fizzle the way they are, even if they get in,” he said. “Francona’s fired. How the hell can you collapse like that?”


“Oh, I’ll be upfront with you. If this was August, the rate they are going, I would think, yeah, Boston right now is the team to beat. They were playing well. They had a lot of confidence. They were basically winning games convincingly. Now, all of a sudden, my gosh, it’s like pulling teeth.”


“I think, right now, the Red Sox, in my opinion, are very lucky to be in the lead,” Mike said. “Baseball is a mental game.”

Now they are talking about the Tigers again.


And then, about 4 p.m., I go with our film critic to watch a movie: Dolphin Tale.

This movie is perfect.

Like, really perfect.

It has… a BEACH. DOLPHINS and… wait for it… MORGAN FREEMAN.

So, obviously, it is the greatest thing I have ever seen.

Based on the true story of this dolphin that loses its tail and uses a prosthetic.

Think about this, people. They were willing to write the dolphin off. Completely. Put her to sleep. And then, they persevered and saved her with a piece of plastic.

A true miracle.

THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is what we have here at Yankees Stadium.

The makings of a miracle.

They are writing us off. Saying we’ll never swim again (like the dolphin! Like the dolphin). Just wait, America. Just wait. We have MORGAN FREEMAN on our side. And, I don’t know if you know this… but MORGAN FREEMAN played god this one time.

On another tangent, I have decided this is one of those movies for me on which I will judge relationships. It’s one of those, you don’t like this, I don’t like you kind of deals (dolphins! Morgan Freeman!) and I was telling my mother about this on the way home from work just now. And she said, “Is it like Free Willy? I hated Free Willy.”

WHO HATES FREE WILLY, I ask? Almost hitting the dumptruck in front of me.

“I hated Free Willy. I hated all those movies you kids wanted to see. Like Ferngully.”

My whole childhood is ruined.

Now. We need to be proactive. Like the kid in the movie. And create a plan. And gosh darn it, I think I have one.

I call it… the SWIRLY BALL.


Okay. Um.

4:10 tomorrow, people. 4:10. I will actually go out in PUBLIC to watch the game. Yeah. I will have to find a bar where no one knows me in case there’s a repeat of the napkin dispenser incident…

Seriously. A rain delay is another 24 hours for Kevin Youkilis to magically heal. And that’s what we all want, really. KEVIN YOUKILIS.

Winning commences tomorrow.


Gentlemen, to bed. For we rise at daybreak!

We’re fiiiiiiiiine.

Go watch Dolphin Tale. GO.


Maybe CybelleKate is right and we should live blog anyway. Okay. Here goes. Home run? Home run? Home run! Single (Crawford). Oh! Look! Another home run! This is less fun than I anticipated…

Categories: Drunken Live Blogging
  1. September 23, 2011 at 6:59 pm

    And we have a rain delay…..

  2. September 23, 2011 at 7:08 pm

    And we are postponed. Doubeheader on Sunday….

  3. FireDannyAinge
    September 23, 2011 at 7:08 pm

    This sucks

  4. cybellekate
    September 23, 2011 at 7:25 pm

    The suspense wasn’t quite painful enough as it was.

  5. September 23, 2011 at 7:31 pm

    And plan b was…?

  6. cybellekate
    September 23, 2011 at 7:50 pm

    I have an idea and it is this. Maybe we should still live blog. Say, I don’t know… three games worth of blogging? And then the Sox and that “team” they’re playing this weekend could just follow it like a script. Everyone could relax. It would be like a sing-along. What do you think???

  7. September 23, 2011 at 7:57 pm

    I think it is a great idea. Someone else start. Because my forty-five consecutive home runs (with one single) might be a tad be unrealistic.

  8. September 23, 2011 at 7:59 pm

    While we are at it, I am considering a video blog or podcast. Does anyone have any experience with this? I mean. I used to be on the radio. And on tv. But other people. Um. You know. Did everything, really. I just looked very serious and held a microphone.

  9. September 23, 2011 at 8:03 pm

    Oh. And. Um. Say you started a fire in your microwave. A little one. But it was like, hours and hours ago. Is it okay to microwave a hot pocket? Just curious. Hmmm. The firestarter is actually fused to the microwave.
    I could really just liveblog my day. It’s equally sad.

  10. FireDannyAinge
    September 23, 2011 at 8:12 pm

    Toronto is winning 3-0 but it is very early. I can’t believe I have to say this but GO Blue jays.

  11. September 23, 2011 at 8:18 pm

    Rightrightright. But the hotpocket.
    I’m trying to removed charred english muffin with a bread knife. It’s very difficult.
    Maybe I should just bake the hotpocket. Can you do that? Oh look. You can.
    It matters little whether the angels win, really. because we are going to win.
    seriously, fda, don’t you pay attention? I’ve decided. I told you!

    • FireDannyAinge
      September 23, 2011 at 8:37 pm

      You have been telling me for a week that we will win. Um ya, still waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and…..

      • September 23, 2011 at 8:41 pm

        That is not true. I have not been telling you that we WILL win. I have been saying that we should win. I have made a decision. A DECISION. The universe WILL respect that. I mean, why wouldn’t it? You should just respect the DECISION, fda.

      • FireDannyAinge
        September 23, 2011 at 8:43 pm

        I will respect your decision. I just don’t believe it:)

      • September 23, 2011 at 8:48 pm

        It’s simple, really. Take a breath. DO IT. Take a breath. Hold it. Hold it LOOOOONGER. Okay. Exhale. EXHALE SLOWLY. Now make a decision. MAKE ONE. DO IT.

      • FireDannyAinge
        September 23, 2011 at 9:04 pm

        I be… bel….. beli….. belie……. believ……..I BELIEVE!!!! Happy?

      • September 23, 2011 at 9:11 pm

        that is not enough. You have to say, I (insert your name here) have made a decision. And that decision is, that we will win.

        It’s not faith anymore. It’s logic. DECISIONs.

  12. cybellekate
    September 23, 2011 at 8:31 pm

    Terry Francona can’t make people play better. If someone fires Tito I will drive to Boston and fire the person who fired him. Also, NESN is trying to cheer us up by repeating a game at NY that we won. I have decided to allow myself to be cheered up by it. I have also decided to co-decide with Lauren that we are going to win. I am very much looking forward to it. They are all resting and being Zen-like right now, I am sure. Becoming centered and calm in anticipation of being completely on fire tomorrow. (No offense to your microwave…) Accept for Pedroia, of course, who doesn’t do calm. He will sleep fired up (again, no offense) and come to the ballpark ablaze (and again…) and the Laser show will engulf the Yankees like…uh…ehm… like, a fireworks display. Yes. That can be seen from the satellite that Red Sox Nation has launched into outer space. (In anticipation of Red Sox Universe.) Ha. So. That will be fun. 😀

    • September 23, 2011 at 8:36 pm

      Doesn’t it feel so much better now? I mean, it’s kind of sad how we already know the outcome. I kind of feel sorry for them.

  13. September 23, 2011 at 8:32 pm

    I don’t know, Mike sounds awfully mean. I would definitley seek out a better sports guru…until he starts talking about the Angels of course. That brief bit of his baseball rant was absolutely brilliant! 😉
    — Kristen

    • September 23, 2011 at 8:34 pm

      He is one of the most amazing people I know. Seriously talented radio guru. With NO FAITH IN BOSTON. Sigh.

      • September 24, 2011 at 3:13 am

        It was the Angels and Rays turn to help out Boston a little bit tonight, apparently, *sigh* so maybe all faith in Boston will be renewed.
        — Kristen

  14. FireDannyAinge
    September 23, 2011 at 8:35 pm

    No one is firing Tito. I personally find him a lot more lucky then talented.

    Yes you can bake a hot pocket,

  15. FireDannyAinge
    September 23, 2011 at 8:39 pm

    Toronto scored another run.4-0

  16. cybellekate
    September 23, 2011 at 8:48 pm

    I thought hot pockets were SUPPOSED to be baked…. Find myself unexpectedly warming to the Jays…

    • September 23, 2011 at 8:51 pm

      it’s okay. i’m totally alive. i mean, my hotpocket tastes like charcoal, but i didn’t burn down my kitchen. so.

  17. FireDannyAinge
    September 23, 2011 at 9:02 pm

    5-0 TORONTO Ahhhh

    • September 23, 2011 at 9:05 pm

      i don’t see any DECISION MAKING…

  18. cybellekate
    September 23, 2011 at 9:03 pm

    Am going to go blog something mean about Russell Martin to continue the good vibe…

    • September 23, 2011 at 9:04 pm

      don’t. he’s only talking smack to up his google hit rating. you’ll only be helping.

    • FireDannyAinge
      September 23, 2011 at 9:41 pm

      His name is Kareem Garcia. Pedro changed it.

  19. FireDannyAinge
    September 23, 2011 at 9:48 pm

    toosoxy :
    that is not enough. You have to say, I (insert your name here) have made a decision. And that decision is, that we will win.
    It’s not faith anymore. It’s logic. DECISIONs.

    I FDA say, I BELIEVE. Kicking butt tomorrow. Happy?

  20. September 23, 2011 at 9:49 pm

    No. Switch out believe with DECIDE. Be specific. WIN.

    • FireDannyAinge
      September 23, 2011 at 10:14 pm

      I have decided we, the red sox will beat the stuffing out if the New York Yankees tomorrow, September 4th 2011. Beat the stuffing means we will win by at least 10 runs so I don’t have my heart in my stomach:)

      • FireDannyAinge
        September 23, 2011 at 10:14 pm

        I have decided we, the red sox will beat the stuffing out if the New York Yankees tomorrow, September 24th 2011. Beat the stuffing means we will win by at least 10 runs so I don’t have my heart in my stomach:)

      • September 23, 2011 at 10:17 pm

        Way to up me, FDA. Way to up me.
        I am kind of proud.
        This must be the feeling teachers have every day.
        You know. fulfillment.
        And then they look at their paychecks.

  21. cybellekate
    September 23, 2011 at 10:17 pm

    It’s too late, I hit “publish.” And I did a Google search so I’d have a quote and pictures. It was scary. There’s a pic in a hot tub. Really. I wish I was making that up.

    • September 23, 2011 at 10:18 pm

      ew. i do too. ew. that’s like… um… loser soup.

  22. cybellekate
    September 23, 2011 at 10:20 pm

    Maybe Tek will punch Russell tomorrow…

  23. September 23, 2011 at 10:21 pm

    Or he’ll be trying to catch this foul ball, right? So he’ll keep backing up. And backing up. And then the stands will be right there, right? And he’ll land in them. And look up… and it’s allllll Sox fans in that section.
    I can see Don Orsillo now…
    “That’s not good… nope… that’s not good…”

  24. cybellekate
    September 23, 2011 at 10:25 pm

    And you know what the Sox fans will do. Make him into loser soup. Gross. Gratifying. But gross.

  25. September 23, 2011 at 10:28 pm

    That’s going to be great. I am SO watching the game tomorrow!

  26. cybellekate
    September 23, 2011 at 10:43 pm

    Yes. It’s going to be a great, gratifying, gross, epic, amazing, Yankee-destroying win. I just imagined Pedrioa, Youkilis, Papi, Salty, Jacoby, Tek and a few others huddled in a corner of someone’s Hotel room, planning, plotting, mentally destroying. It made me feel actually buoyant. No WAY did I spell that right on the first try! Right. See? It will be ok. We, as you know, have decided. 🙂

  27. September 23, 2011 at 10:44 pm

    I wish Kevin Youkilis would decide to get better.

  28. cybellekate
    September 23, 2011 at 10:52 pm

    He probably has, but his hip, unfortunately, has a mind if it’s own. It’s unfortunate that he had to be hurt this year but he’ll have surgery and recover and bat .420 like a maniac again. 🙂 I wouldn’t bet against him.

  29. September 23, 2011 at 10:53 pm

    I would never!

  30. cybellekate
    September 23, 2011 at 11:09 pm

    No, well, you’re married to the guy. :-p Going to bed. Lots of focusing thought vibes to do tomorrow. Might put war paint on, too. Or something. All will be well.

  31. FireDannyAinge
    September 23, 2011 at 11:16 pm

    toosoxy :
    Way to up me, FDA. Way to up me.
    I am kind of proud.
    This must be the feeling teachers have every day.
    You know. fulfillment.
    And then they look at their paychecks.

    I learned my lesson in 2008 when I wished for a gymnast to fall during the Olympics and she fell in touch up / warm up instead of the competition. I have never forgiven myself for that over sight. I knew better. I KNEW and I blew it.

    Always give details. Like winning the lottery. I want to win the lottery could mean 10 bucks. I want to win the 510 million dollar after taxes lottery sounds MUCH better.

  32. cybellekate
    September 23, 2011 at 11:26 pm

    Who did you wish for to fall?

  33. September 23, 2011 at 11:34 pm

    Rain tonight helps the Sox in my opinion. The Jays beating the Rays doesn’t hurt either.


  34. September 23, 2011 at 11:38 pm

    Yes. Thank you, Canada. Do it again!

  35. September 23, 2011 at 11:43 pm

    i think it’s funny you guys only gain ground over tampa and anaheim when you don’t play. good luck tomorrow.

    • FireDannyAinge
      September 24, 2011 at 12:16 am

      and your point is? Then again you were probably one of those racists screaming Rice-K at Daisuke during your very own choke job AKA, the 2007 ALCS but I expect nothing else from Cleveland fans.

      • September 24, 2011 at 1:52 pm

        1. no i wasn’t yelling rice-k at daisuke in ’07. that’s the most unoriginal thing i’ve ever heard. way to clump 1 person in with a few drunken idiots.
        2. i realize we choked in ’07. i’m not running from that fact. we went down in a blaze of glory of epic proportions, want to mention the drive, the fumble, the shot, game 7, and the decision while you’re at it? cuz i haven’t heard about those a million times before.
        3. oh ya, our river caught fire in 1969, you forgot that jab to
        4. take an effing joke. because i’m pretty sure i followed it with good luck tomorrow… or did you miss that part?

      • FireDannyAinge
        September 24, 2011 at 3:17 pm

        Sarcastic good luck I tell you. I don’t take likely to red sox bashing on a red sox blog. Either learn to live with it or ignore me. YOUR choice and no, I don’t find you funny.

  36. September 23, 2011 at 11:46 pm

    You’re so sweet! Thanks for the luck wish. But we’re okay now. We’ve decided to start winning. You can root for us too if it will help you feel better about life and Cleveland and stuff. I mean, the bandwagon’s not open for EVERYONE, but you, Bheise, you can hop right on board! 🙂

    • September 24, 2011 at 1:57 pm

      me jumping on board could help. i mean look at it this way. the sox are sucking and old feelings and thoughts are showing their ugly face. I’m from cleveland so naturally, i have the cleveland stink all over me. that’s two negative things. and a double negative makes a positive. i just blew your mind. problem solved.

      there’s no way the sox won’t not sweep their double header today…see!

  37. September 24, 2011 at 11:19 am

    Who knew when I went to see “Moneyball” I would get…?

    1. More fuel for disliking Damon.
    2. Props to K-Youk.
    3. A scenic tour of Fenway Park.

    My review will appear shortly at a blog near you…I trust as baseball fans you will see it eventually regardless of my take. You should.

  38. September 24, 2011 at 3:07 pm

    Hi! We’re actually playing today! I think. I am going to a bar to live blog. So. Um. There’s a definite possibility I’ll throw another napkin dispenser. And. Um. That’s always fun. So. See you in an hourish?

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