Observations about entitlement. Oh, and John Lackey doesn’t ‘know what the hell happened.’ Again.
Old news. Lackey flubs again.
“I can’t explain it, man. That’s the best I’ve felt in the bullpen warming up all year. I don’t know what the hell happened,” said Lackey. “I’m glad we won, for sure. Obviously. But I’m pretty frustrated. I don’t know what to tell you.”
New news: He has no one to blame. You know.
BECAUSE WE WON.
(Some people, Lackey, blame Theo for you. Like in this article)
Winning. It’s this thing where you actually score more runs than the other team. It’s that thing that would feel nifty keen if it was against someone relevant. Like, I don’t know… Tampa. Or New York. It’s this thing that, against the WORST TEAM IN BASEBALL (I hope Kevin Gregg googles himself), is only cackle inducing- not hootenanny inducing.
At least we’re all on the same page. After yesterday, maybe we’ve learned a valuable lesson about our lineup. Maybe-
“I thought he actually had pretty good stuff,” Terry Francona said.
Wait. Um. Seriously?
“It just got to a point where it was hard to leave him in. We needed to stop the runs now,” he said.
Seriously? I knew it. Remember yesterday? When he was loading base after base after base and the nation groaned while you were eating sunflower seeds? I thought I could read your mind, Tito. And then when you pulled him, I was shocked. Like, literally shocked.
I think you were trying something. I think, maybe, you and Curt Young have started to pay attention. You know. Like when we were playing Toronto and you watched THEIR pitching coach (whose name is JOHN FARRELL. But, you know that, Curt Young. Because of the cries of “Where the frick is John Farrell?” you experienced in April) pull pitchers. Not because he was trying to give everyone a fair shake in their little league brains. But because sometimes, when pitchers mess up, the only way to ensure that they don’t mess up, is to PULL THEM. I am really glad you learned this valuable lesson. I mean, I kind of wish you had learned it last week, but hey! At least you learned it before the ORIOLES (THE WORST TEAM) beat us twice.
Now for the good news: Conor Jackson. I like this kid. He has spunk. And naivete. And snap. See?
See, guys? Conor Jackson thinks baseball can be FUN. Do you know WHY Conor Jackson has fun? Because HE HITS GRAND SLAMS. Let’s all have fun, shall we?
Do you know what’s NOT fun? When the entire world is against you. See, the Yankees are cool with being hated. It’s like their thing. Like, this guy I met in the Lowes Foods parking lot the other day? His thing was American flag bandannas. Oh, and this friend of a friend we make fun of? His thing is collecting porcelain dolls that stare at you. Kevin Gregg’s thing is being a giant amoeba face. And that Octomom? Her thing is having babies. The Yankees’ thing? Being evil. Which comes with perks. Like Joe Girardi (he hates ice cream) and being hated. So, like Maleficent in Sleeping Beauty, they trot around the enchanted castle in a bigggggg dragon suit, setting princes on fire. And they’re cool with the peasants down the valley trembling in rebellious hatred and fear, because it’s all they know, see. That and oversized trucker hats with neon “NY” letters and that JayZ guy. It’s their lifestyle. Our lifestyle is spunky. It’s attitude. But not in the Nick Swisher sense of the word: In the David Ortiz, never-ending grin, Papelbon jigging, Green Monster antics sense of the word.
We are not used to being hated.
But, apparently we are. And not just by ESPN. See?
Five batters into the second game of a doubleheader Monday night at Fenway Park, the Baltimore Orioles had scored three times against Boston. At that point, pretty much every baseball fan in the country was mouthing the same word: CHOKE!
Everyone wants us to choke. Everyone? Everyone wants Tampa to win. Everyone?
Interesting. They say underdog, right? Well, what were we in April? They say attitude. Have you MET Johnny Damon? Okay, I haven’t either. But I’ve read about him on the internet. And watched him talk and stuff.
They say the Tampa fans deserve it. Really? Because from where I sit, there are no Tampa fans. Your stands are empty, and when people show up, they are wearing “B” hats and booing your chosen idiot. I mean, Tampa? And Boston has consistently shown up to play. Tampa shows up in act three just in time to get its name in the credits.
Lastly, they say salary cost. This is a more difficult sell. Because I get it. I’ve watched the Yankees buy victories by the names of CC Sabathia and Mark Teixiera. As a fan, I’ve rolled my eyes too.
But I’m a reporter. I stick to facts. I stick to regulations. And there’s nothing in the regulations against this practice. Nothing. There is no salary cap. Maybe there should be. Sure. Maybe then we would be able to avoid black hole investments like, I don’t know… JOHN LACKEY. Maybe it would be a win-win for everyone. But that’s not reality. And, let’s face it, it’s not going to be a reality.
The Yankees. The Red Sox. We have better players because we make better management decisions. Whether it’s through financial decisions ($$$) or some other form of arm twisting, it’s decisions our management has made that have clearly benefited the organization. Our management has made the necessary investments and there is nothing stopping other teams from making similar financial priorities. It’s about management. We’ve got it, they don’t. Tampa can’t even get fans in their stadium. Don’t like it? Maybe you should get better management, management with resources to buy a CC Sabathia. And, while we’re on the subject, let’s just look at some of our cash cows, shall we? John Lackey. Oh yeah. That one worked out. Dice-K. Lovely. JD Drew. Yep.
You can shovel out all the money in the world and still end up with lemons. And you can’t make lemonade out of John Lackey. It would be called Lackey-ade and it would be gross.
So, in conclusion, the Red Sox deserve this. And you know what? The Yankees do too. And I’m not just saying that because I have to begrudgingly root for them today against Tampa. We deserve to be in the play offs. And that’s why we’ll get there. Not because of our wallets. Not because of our umpires. And NOT because of John Lackey.