Dear Curt Young, YOU OWE ME A BOTTLE OF EXCEDRIN. It is expensive. Sincerely, Lauren.
Dear Curt Young,
I spent an irrational time today collecting inspirational quotes. Just for you. (A warning to my soxy friends. You might gag. So whip out the vapor rub, because this is going to stink.)
“We know what’s at stake. We can’t hide from it,” Johnny Damon said. “We know we have to win more than they do.”
See? That’s an example of MOTIVATION. HAVE TO WIN. Could you write that on your mirror with some lipstick? You know, when you’re giving yourself your morning “I think I can” speech?
“Every game from here on out is the biggest game of the year for us,” said James Shields, Friday’s starter. “We’re playing some really good baseball right now. The last couple of games we kind of slipped up a little bit, but that’s OK. We’re feeling very confident.”
BIGGEST GAME OF THE YEAR. Hmmm. CONFIDENT. Hmmm.
“This should bring out the best in all of us,” Joe Maddon said.
The BEST. Remember when you cared about being the best? Oh. Right. That was John Farrell.
“Either you believe or you don’t believe…. There’s two ways to do it, and the other way’s not acceptable,” Joe Maddon said.
BELIEVE. Now, where have I heard THAT slogan before?
“We’ve got to step up. This is one of the best lineups in baseball if it’s not the best. We all know that,” David Price said.
Hmm. A commitment to STEPPING IT UP. (I remember what you did to Youk, Price. Don’t think I don’t.)
“Now we’re getting back to just playing ball and enjoying it…. Our team, there’s plenty to lose, but then again, nobody thought we’d be in this position.
“We have our 14 games left to try to make the most of it…. Hopefully we can go out and prove the naysayers wrong and have a great story to tell at the very end,” Johnny Damon said.
Making the MOST of it.
Now. When JOHNNY DAMON sounds more focused and more LIKEABLE than you do, Curt Young, you have a problem. A BIG problem. I can’t BELIEVE you just made me say something almost nice about Johnny Damon. Do you know what that does to my hair follicles? DO YOU CARE?
Meanwhile, what are our knights in shining red saying?
“I always tell you guys that good pitching will shut down any kind of offense,” said Ortiz, who went 2-for-2 with a walk after missing the previous two games with back spasms.
You do realize WE had Weilland on the mound, right? Maybe we shouldn’t be directing focus to the fricking pitcher’s mound. You realize that too, right CURT YOUNG?
“Yeah, it’s just a little bit of bad luck and one mistake,” Weiland said. “That’s pretty much all it was.”
Really? Because I thought it was the WILD CARD SLOT.
Fix it. Fix it now. Because if you don’t shut up Johnny Damon, no one will. Because ESPN LOVES the idiot. And so do literally dozens (dozens!) of people.
The good. Yes. There is good. Brilliant people like us can find the good in everything.
1. Johnny Damon, you can’t ever say that Boston fans don’t cheer for you. I saw that replay of you getting smacked in the sixth, and there was a lot of cheering.
2. Beckett is coming back.
3. Maybe Kyle Weilland will never, ever pitch again. Because maybe Curt Young WATCHED this game.
4. They are letting poor Youkie rest tomorrow. About time.
5. At least it wasn’t a double header.