How screwed are we, you ask, as the dust settles? Well. There’s radiation sickness.
Oh. And this:
That’s right, kids. The man who NEVER panics. Telling us he is PANICKING.
Some people are holding it together better than us, mind you.
There’s this little cluster of Soxies in the corner with my mother.
“We’ll be fine,” she says. “No reason to panic.”
But you know what, MOM? You know you’re in a rough patch when a google search for REASONS NOT TO PANIC turns up TWO PICTURES OF DAVID ORTIZ. The very person INSTITUTING PANIC.
And, according to experts, we’re supposed to count on MATH to save us. MATH.
Well, MATH, you had your chance in 2008 when you screwed up my 401K and my job when you axed a katrillion Bank of America workers in the Charlotte, NC economy.
I do not trust you.
“We’re kind of in a fight right now and we know that. It’s not real pretty,” manager Terry Francona said.
This is it, guys. I don’t want get all mushy on you. But we’ve been through a lot together, you and I and… if… if we don’t make it… I just want you to know that I…
No. You know what? Let’s not… Let’s not say good bye.
Let’s say… yeehaw…
Still need a reason to jump?
“We needed to win these,” manager Joe Maddon said. “There’s no other way to look at it. Under the circumstances, you’ve got to do what we did or it’s pretty much almost impossible to recover. Our guys believe we can do this. It’s truly not impossible.”
If that quote wasn’t ipecac, here’s what Johnny Damon said yesterday:
Next up? Why, I hear Tim Wakefield’s trying for 200. Golly gee willickers, turn on the bat signal!
I am going to swallow four excedrin.