Home > Sox Game Recaps > Doomed.


How screwed are we, you ask, as the dust settles? Well. There’s radiation sickness.

Oh. And this:

“Hell, yeah, you’ve got to panic,” David Ortiz said.

That’s right, kids. The man who NEVER panics. Telling us he is PANICKING.

Some people are holding it together better than us, mind you.

There’s this little cluster of Soxies in the corner with my mother.

“We’ll be fine,” she says. “No reason to panic.”

And she’s got an ally:  “I’m not really concerned. If we play good, we’ll win. We’re a pretty damned good team. We’ve just hit a tough patch.”~ Dustin Pedroia

But you know what, MOM? You know you’re in a rough patch when a google search for REASONS NOT TO PANIC turns up TWO PICTURES OF DAVID ORTIZ. The very person INSTITUTING PANIC.

And, according to experts, we’re supposed to count on MATH to save us. MATH.

History and mathematical projections suggest the Red Sox will hold on and this will be forgotten once they clinch a postseason berth.

Well, MATH, you had your chance in 2008 when you screwed up my 401K and my job when you axed a katrillion Bank of America workers in the Charlotte, NC economy.

I do not trust you.

We’re kind of in a fight right now and we know that. It’s not real pretty,” manager Terry Francona said.

This is it, guys. I don’t want get all mushy on you. But we’ve been through a lot together, you and I and… if… if we don’t make it… I just want you to know that I…

No. You know what? Let’s not… Let’s not say good bye.

Let’s say… yeehaw…

Still need a reason to jump?

“We needed to win these,” manager Joe Maddon said. “There’s no other way to look at it. Under the circumstances, you’ve got to do what we did or it’s pretty much almost impossible to recover. Our guys believe we can do this. It’s truly not impossible.”

If that quote wasn’t ipecac, here’s what Johnny Damon said yesterday:

“Hopefully they can feel us coming,” Damon said.

Next up? Why, I hear Tim Wakefield’s trying for 200. Golly gee willickers, turn on the bat signal!


I am going to swallow four excedrin.


Categories: Sox Game Recaps
  1. JW
    September 12, 2011 at 4:49 pm

    Dear Sox Fans,

    Don’t worry. It’s not like you have ever collapsed before.


    Bucky F. Dent

  2. September 12, 2011 at 5:06 pm

    Really soxy, I’m surprised with you. Everything will be OK.

    JW, why do Yankees fans always forget it was the Yankees that collapsed in ’78 to let the Red Sox tie them after 162 games?

    • September 12, 2011 at 6:57 pm

      i have a had a bad day. i will be my chipper, cheerleadery self tomorrow. but today? doooooooomed.

      • September 12, 2011 at 7:27 pm

        Well, cheer up. And be quick about it!

  3. FireDannyAinge
    September 12, 2011 at 6:13 pm

    What has Chicago done since Michael Jordan again?

    I laugh when fans of loser teams that haven’t won in years feel the need to run their mouths.
    I give you the Cubs.How about those Bears? The Bulls are overrated chokers so running your mouth is laughable.

    If the Red Sox can’t keep this lead then they don’t deserve to win. That is just the way it is.

    • September 12, 2011 at 6:58 pm

      maybe annie was right and the sun WILL come out tomorrow. or maybe she was wrong and this season is sandwiched with failure.

      • FireDannyAinge
        September 12, 2011 at 7:05 pm

        and think about how lucky we will be NOT to have to deal with losing to the Yankees because we know that Texas will choke like they usually do if they play NY. Last year was totally because of Cliff Lee.

        That heartbreak is better not served.

  4. thegreatdepressive
    September 12, 2011 at 6:54 pm

    The 2005 Chicago White Sox and 2010 Chicago Blackhawks would like to interject.

    • FireDannyAinge
      September 12, 2011 at 7:01 pm

      I did forget about the Blackhawks but I am calling SO WHAT on the White Sox. NO ONE cares about them and NO ONE cared about them til they won.As soon as they started sucking again ALL the Cubs fans went back to being Cubs fans.

      How did I forget about the Blackhawks I was totally on that bandwagon since they were playing the Flyers.lol

      I stand by my white sox comments. Besides states with two teams for one sport don’t count. They get twice the chances as other teams.The white sox don’t matter.

      • September 12, 2011 at 7:04 pm

        i mean. i kind of did. for like a week. that time when i lived in charlotte and watched the triple a affil, the knights.
        but then it was this mild curiosity thing coupled with a side of mad indifference.
        so. um. maybe that doesn’t count.
        i like the idea of the cubs.
        i think i might watch the miami game tonight and try to care about it. is miami supposed to lose? if so, could someone tell me so i don’t do this to myself?

      • thegreatdepressive
        September 12, 2011 at 7:06 pm

        Obama likes the White Sox. Also the White Sox are my favorite “Sox”.

        On a more serious note, that’s life in the bigger metros. Chicago’s metro has more than twice the population of Boston’s, so it kind of makes sense to have two teams. If MLB were in an expansion mode, they should probably look at adding another team to the New York market. Brooklyn has 2.6 million people. Boston has 600k or so. Bring back the Brooklyn Dodgers! Those bums.

    • FireDannyAinge
      September 12, 2011 at 7:06 pm

      damn it. I just realized I replied to Jeb-alina. I need to pay betetr attention

      • thegreatdepressive
        September 12, 2011 at 7:08 pm

        HAHA! How did you miss? There’s an adorable Basset Hound to let you know. Look how sad she is!

      • FireDannyAinge
        September 12, 2011 at 7:08 pm

        and not just to spelling BETTER.

  5. September 12, 2011 at 7:07 pm

    jebalina was nice to me last week. of course, he did say he was going to write a blog about my play… and that was a lie…

    • thegreatdepressive
      September 12, 2011 at 7:09 pm

      I decided that would be a one joke post about the lack of elephants. I didn’t think I could stretch it out that long. I told you it was good! But you think I’m a liar….sad face.

      • September 12, 2011 at 7:10 pm

        statistically speaking, stock boy, (the math kind, not the fruit kind at publix), will the miami game irritate me? i need to find a bar with internet and write about extra-territorial jurisdiction at the same time. because that is my life now.

    • FireDannyAinge
      September 12, 2011 at 7:09 pm

      Even a broken clock is right twice a day. The avatars are too small for me to see pictures.

    • thegreatdepressive
      September 12, 2011 at 7:10 pm

      And yes Miami is expected to lose. Patriots favored by 7 last time I checked.

      • September 12, 2011 at 7:11 pm


  6. FireDannyAinge
    September 12, 2011 at 7:12 pm

    I have to root for the Patriots since they are my team. I have to remind myself I am a Pats fan every time I see Tom Brady in a Yankee hat. Plus I hate the Dolphins. (Not really but I am supposed to hate them so I have to pretend)

    • September 12, 2011 at 7:17 pm

      Tom Brady is horrid. I am an anti-Bradyist. And I am kind of afraid of my family. So. Um. Go Fins.

      • September 12, 2011 at 7:29 pm

        I miss Bledsoe.

      • FireDannyAinge
        September 12, 2011 at 7:36 pm

        I am anti Brady too but I still have to root for the shirt. NO go Dolphins, GO PATS!

      • September 12, 2011 at 7:57 pm

        for the shirt? if johnny damon wore a sox jersey again… for the shirt? for shammmmmeeeee, fda. for shame.

  7. FireDannyAinge
    September 12, 2011 at 7:13 pm

    Obama is a communist/Socialist/Iranian. I have lost track.
    Democrats are two faced liars AKA politicians.

  8. thegreatdepressive
    September 12, 2011 at 7:17 pm

    According to ESPN, there is a 29.3% chance Miami will win so there is a 70.7% chance that you will be irritated Lauren.

    • September 12, 2011 at 7:18 pm

      i HATE being irritated.

  9. thegreatdepressive
    September 12, 2011 at 8:18 pm

    Just to keep up my reputation of breaking former Red Sox player-related news….here’s something that everyone should enjoy.


  10. FireDannyAinge
    September 12, 2011 at 9:12 pm

    Well when Demon was a Sox I did root for him. I had no choice.

  11. FireDannyAinge
    September 12, 2011 at 10:10 pm

    Oh wait I just read what you wrote. If he came back I might want him to hit if we needed a run, other wise STRIKE out.

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