Hypochondriyouk and how we’re all screwed now.
Referencing THIS tweet.
Why are you tweeting LIES, that Dale Arnold?????
Audible gargle prompts coworker to ask me what’s wrong.
Nothing, I say, choking on my cookie. ON MY COOKIE. And I’m not a Girl Scout. I don’t get cookies every day.
Google. Yes. Google. Google will tell me this is a joke. Like that time Manny Ramirez said he hated Boston. Only it wasn’t Manny Ramirez, but some plumber or something named Manny Ramirez. Or that time that woman was all over the internet quitting her job with post-its. Remember that? A hoax.
This is a hoax too.
Find ANOTHER status on Twitter. I now hate twitter. It reads:
MRI on hip. What could that mean, I ask the internet?
So many options. There’s arthritis. And snapping hip syndrome (oh, ew) and hip fracture and stress fracture. Do you think Youkie has osteoporosis?
Oh. My. God. I think. Oh. My. God.
Coworker sees my internet search window and sends me THIS.
Hypochondriasis or hypochondria (sometimes referred to as health phobia or health anxiety) refers to excessive preoccupation or worry about having a serious illness. An individual suffering from hypochondriasis is known as a hypochondriac. Hypochondriacs become unduly alarmed about any physical symptoms they detect, no matter how minor the symptom may be. They are convinced that they have or are about to have a serious illness.
Haha. Very funny. I say. With more wry than rye bread.
But I don’t think my hip has osteoporosis (even thought it is feeling kind of tingly after that google image search. DON’T try THAT at home). I think Youkilis’ hip has osteoporosis.
Then maybe, coworker says, you have Hypochondriyouk.
Oh. My. God.
Oh. My. God.
*flies into blind panic mode. God save the stapler.”
Oh. No. Now Terry Francona has confirmed it. Tragedy. And Bedard too. EVERY PLAYER I LIKE BREAKS.
Oh. No. It is in the GLOBE.
The third baseman was limping on Thursday.
No word on his return.
OHMYGODYOUGUYSWHATAREWEGOINGTODO? What am I going to do? What is…
I think my brain just had a miniseizure.
I need knock knock jokes. STAT.