Home > Drunken Live Blogging > That day it rained everywhere but Canada.

That day it rained everywhere but Canada.

RAINNNNNNNNNN. And not just outside. In the standings, too.

Seriously. 1.5 games back.

And to have home field advantage, we have to count on help from the likes of..

BALTIMORE.

It is Labor Day. And I am laboring. So I am only going to be able to catch snippets of the Toronto game.

Heidi is talking to Terry Francona.

Third catcher, hmmm? Okay. I’d rather have a third pitcher (because, let’s be honest….)

Is Francona’s voice always like that?

Bedard being pushed.

Okay.

Okay. Boring stuff about “insurance” on the field.

Let’s talk more about the rotation.

Oh, wow. Heidi just said, “let’s talk about the rotation.”

“Putting Wake in on Wednesday… we could still keep our pitchers right in line but it would be okay but we do want to talk about it…”

Bobby Jenks news- done for the season.

That’s NEWS?

Oy.

Terry’s glasses look like Harry Potter’s glasses upclose.

Wake could get 200. Maybe. Could be. Maybe. Could be.

—-

Offices are scary when you’re allllllllllll alone.

—-

Game one. Startingggggg NOW.

Oh, Youkie. I hope I get to see you bat.

It’s very difficult, ladies and gents, to work when your job is dependent on people answering the phone on Labor Day.

It is raining. Apparently a lady fell in water. It’s coming as an echo call over the scanner. That’s not good. In a department store. Lawwwwwssssuuuuiiiittttt…

Back to relevance.

Bedard. Knee. Shame. I knew there was something off. I really like Bedard. I think once we get this knee thing out of the way, you will really like Bedard.

He speaks French, you know.

I am glad it’s not raining in Toronto.

Alvarez pitching to Jacoby.

One and two.

I do not know how to categorize this post. Because it is live. But I am not drinking. Instead, I am at work. Which is probably more rant-inducing than vodka.

Dustin Pedroia! It’s Dustin Pedroia, guys! I have a work Santa Clause who left a Dustin Pedroia Sports Illustrated at my desk last week.

I heard a noise. I heard a noise and I am the only one out here.

Investigate? Or watch the baseball game.

If this was a horror movie, the reporter would investigate and she would be victim number one and be killed against the glass in some horribly cruel and unrealistic way, like with that stapler. Oh! Or she would be lured into the press room. There are lots of gory ways to die in a press room.

But this is not a horror movie. So I will sit here. In my lonely, lonely office. Against the noise of baseball and a thunderstorm. The lights just flickered. That was weird.

And Dustin Pedroia just got out! THAT, my lovelies, is a horror movie.

There is a dripping noise. It is driving me CRAZY.

It’s a weird noise. It’s not just a drip. It’s like a drrrrripppp.

And three outs.

But it’s okay. Because Beckett is heading to the mound.

I love you, Josh Beckett. No matter what FDA says.

—-

So, I was just thinking, probably the worst way to die in the press room would be in one of the giant ink vats. And then the words would come out red. Get it? From the blood.

Too much?

Josh Beckett! Showing us the meaning of the term stomptastic. With STRIKE ONE.

Mike McCoy is snarling. FOUL.

Eeek. That was almost eekworthy.

Stranded motorist call.

Yeah, scanner. No one cares.

I don’t know. Is a stranded motorist news?

It could be.

In a… HORROR movie.

I would be such an amazing horror movie writer.

Just saying.

Accused of stealing signs?

Varitek showing multiple signs?

Signs confuse me.

NO.

Centerfield.

NO.

Single for Mike McCoy.

Stupid.

Okay. That was definitely a noise. It is coming from the sales cubicles. Could selling be going on? On Labor Day?! Probably not. Sales people usually make enough money to fight back. No, they say. No. We will not work on holidays. We will NOT surrender. No!

I bet if it was a horror movie, the sales people would go first. You know. Because they have nic ecars. And horror movie villains HATE people with nice cars.

I don’t like this game.

Batter on second. One out.

Someone just got pulled for a DUI. It is 1:21.

What was that, JB? Outside. Yes. Outside.

Okay. I have to run. I will be back shortly. Work calls. Please don’t let anything huge happen in the next hour, k?

2:25

JUST got back. Injury? WHAT????

Josh Beckett limping???

WHAT?????

What the frick did you guys do while I was gone????

—–

Aceves.

Hi, Alfredo. I’m glad to see you. Um. Do you know what’s wrong with Josh Beckett?

Um.

58 pitches. And a foot something?

“I just hope that that’s not a serious injury” Remy said. And Tito is talking to a very serious-looking Jon Lester. Crack a smile, Jonny. SOMETHING.

Varitek and Alfredo are talking.

Okay.

I just want SOMEONE to tell me what is going on with Josh Beckett. ANYONE? Third stolen base of the game from Toronto. Canada. Stealing from hardworking Americans.

“Apparently not, according to Tim Timmons at first base.”

I thought he swung too, Remy.

Reddick catches the ball. Remain scoreless.

Great.

WHAT HAPPENED TO JOSH BECKETT????

—-

About the last thing this team needs right now is an injury to either Josh Beckett or Jon Lester. Beyond them it gets real thin, real fast.

But that’s what has happened. Beckett threw a pitch with two outs in the fourth and felt something in his right foot or ankle. After a visit from the trainer, he has left this game.

That explanation is from Tony Lee’s live blog.

Oh no. What if it’s a stress fracture? Or a broken toe? Or a torn ligament? Or tendon? Or Achille’s Heel? Oh no.

Jason Varitek. Just watch Jason Varitek. The captain is batting. That’s all that matters.

What if it’s a spider bite? A sock-dwelling spider?

Do spiders live in socks?

Captain. Come on. Distract me with your glorious glory. Or. Um. Out at first.

Well, it did distract me.

For like five minutes I haven’t thought about that horrible drip. But it’s loud again. Drrrripppp. Drrripppp.

Marco Scutaro.

Speaking of drips…

Foul.

Wow. No one in Canada is watching this. Did you see those blue stands?

Wow.

I hope Josh Beckett is okay.

Scuataro! Yay!

Jacoby! Y—– crap.

Well, that sucked.

—–

Alfredo Aceves. Hi. So. Um. How you doing?

Gooooooood.

I am too distracted to give you a pep talk.

Maybe if someone would tell me what is going on with Josh Beckett…

Strike out for out two. Look at how you don’t need my peptalks.

What do you think this means for Bedard’s skipped start?

Not the peptalk. The Beckett foot.

Damnit. a 10-50. I have to go.

Please don’t let anyone else break while I’m gone.

—-

Back. After taking bizarre flooding pictures of stupid people in stupid cars who park stupidly and wonder why their cars float away.

Bottom of the 8th. 0-0. Thanks, guys.

10 strike out game, Don says.

One out.

Aceves still going strong. Do we know what happened to Beck’s foot yet?

Reddick makes the catch! 2 outs. Two on base. Stress. Full.

STRIIIIIIIIKKKEEEEE Out.

—-

A SPRAINED RIGHT ANKLE.

Ick.

This from our friends at ESPN:

There was no immediate word as to severity of the sprain and, if there’s any good news in the matter, it’s that it did not involve his left knee — a problem that derailed Beckett’s scheduled appearance in the All-Star Game.

Yuck.

And the blogosphere is already telling us to panic.

As things stand now, the Red Sox are awfully thin in the starting pitching department. Knuckleballer Tim Wakefield can begin taking a regular turn again alongside Jon Lester and John Lackey. Left-hander Andrew Miller, who was bombed in his last start, remains an option, as does right-hander Kyle Weiland, who was summoned from Pawtucket as depth for today’s game.

Either way, if the Red Sox plan on winning the AL East, they’re going to have to overtake the Yankees with something less than their optimal pitching staff.

—–

What a horrid, irrational catch.

And HE didn’t get hurt.

Apparently, the injuries are reserved for our pitching rotation.

Yeah. Okay. They’re going to be replaying that crap for awhile.

Reddick heads for second. That’s something.

You know who NEVER really gets injured?

John Lackey.

Jason Varitek is at bat. One out, Reddick at second. Paps is warming up in the pen. I’d really like this rain to stop so I could turn down that blasted police scanner.

Strike.

I’m sure it was a choice. It’s always a choice, right, Captain?

Strike out.

Crap.

We just lovvvvveeeee to strand people at bases.

0-0. Heading to the end.

—-

Bottom of the 9th. Bard.

Hi, Bard. Please screw it up, pretty please.

Our sports director just walked in wearing a Dolphins jersey. Think he did that for me?

“It cost 20 bucks,” he said, wryly, walking by. “Don’t read too much into it.”

I will read EVERYTHING into it.

Daniel Bard. Please.

One out.

Okay. Two more.

I hope our offense is in there strategizing. Because we need energy, guys. Youkie, rally the troops.

Oh….. thank you for that catch, Jacoby. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhthatwasstressful.

Out three. Thank you, Daniel Bard. Thank you.

—-

Top of the 10th. Jacoby. A home run!

Sorry. Not yet.

Just practicing for when I’ll be saying that in thirty seconds.

Right, Jacoby? Right?

Swing that bat like you know how!

Andddddd… out at first.

Annnddddddd Pedroia is… OUT.

Okay.

So, apparently, Tito may have known something about this ankle “sprain:”

Although Beckett has been the constant in Boston’s rotation, it’s possible the Red Sox knew something coming into the game, as Francona had mentioned wanting to give the starter an extra day of rest each of his next two turns through the rotation. The team also called up Kyle Weiland from Pawtucket as an extra arm in the bullpen “in case anything crazy happened,” according to Francona (and with an eye toward starting Weiland in Erik Bedard’s place on Friday).

Crap. A-Gonz. He-who-never-even-pretends-to-care-about-failure, up at the plate.

What happened to you, Gonz? We were getting along sooooo well.

We could go back to that. We could.

Think of those happy days early this summer, where you were the only light in our lives…

Stop channeling bad Manny! Channel good Manny!

Do it for Papi! He needs a friend.

Okay. That works too.

A walk.

You know, I think he actually ran faster to first than when he HITS the ball…

Papi at the plate.

Hopefully, it’s old school, knockin’-em-down Papi.

OSKED Papi in super cool blue shades.

Out. Of. The. Park.

Or a walk.

You know. Whatever.

I’m really okay with anything that gets you on a base, Papi. I’ll leave the execution up to you.

SAFE.

Yes. Let’s not steal right now, k? Let’s concentrate on staying ON the bases.

Out.

Crapmuffins.

—-

Paps at the mound. And a close up on Youkie. Let’s go back to the close up on Youkie. Love of our lives, blogbuds, love of our lives.

If anyone can save us, Youkie can. But only you can give us another inning, Paps. Only you.

I don’t like how there are four pitches and no outs.

Be more efficient!!!

2 and 2. Okay. Drama. We get it. Now get OUT.

NO. NO. NOOOOO. No.

I missed that. I don’t know what you did, Papelbon. But it was BAD. And it got a guy on second. Oh. Replay. Ball bounces off of batters back as he’s safe at first. He bolts. Paps bolts after ball.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

One out. And a guy AT SECOND.

Not the time, Paps. NOT. THE. TIME.

I am half watching this debacle because of work. We now have a man at first and second. How did he get to first, you ask? He walked. HE WALKED.

I am having flashbacks to a CERTAIN game against the Stankees a few years ago, PAPS.

Two outs. Okay. Do it again.

I cannot BELIEVE this has been going on since 1 p.m.

I’m going to have to head out again soon. You know what that means. As soon as I get in my car, something horrible will happen, and by the time I am in front of this computer again, all I will find are news stories about how horribly deep the rabbit hole of failure went on that rainy Monday in September.

I just want to see an out. I just want to see ONE MORE OUT before I go.

ONE MORE OUT.

Sit down, Canada.

SIT. DOWN.

This isn’t just about you, Paps. This is about AMERICA.

Ball FOUR?????

WALKS??????

BASES LOADED?

BASES FRICKING LOADED?
Yeah, Curt Young. Yeah. I think it’s time you got your ass out here.

Yeah.

WHAT IS HAPPENING? I HATE TODAY.

Seriously, Paps. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

Are you a double agent? Are you an over-the-border spy? Because that looked pretty fricking on purpose.

Is there something you want to tell us, Paps? Because I’m right here. And I’m listening.

OhmygodIhatethisgame.

TORONTO. This is happening against TORONTO.

Strike one. Yes. Do. It. Again.

And again.

Because, Paps. There are THREE strikes.

And you’re out. At the old ball game.

Maybe I should write that on your glove. Maybe you need a cheat sheet.

YOU DEFINITELY NEED SOMETHING.

Strike out.

Three outs.

Out.

Oh.

Good.

I’m okay. We’re okay. 11th inning.

—-

But I have to head out. Again. Please, please, please, please, please make them score. And by them, I mean Boston. Please? Thanks.

5:11. at a computer.

NO.

As predicted. Something horrible happened. 1-0, TORONTO.

Let’s recap. We lose. After FOUR hours. To TORONTO. AND break Beckett.

DAMNIT.

~L

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Categories: Drunken Live Blogging
  1. FireDannyAinge
    September 5, 2011 at 5:15 pm

    Beckett is the biggest waste of money the Red Sox have ever spent. Aceves could have a 12-5 record at this point in the year and he would cost a hell of a lot less.

    I said it before I’ll say it again. The Red Sox can’t win 1-0 games or 0-0 games and what is the point of paying Beckett17 MILLION to not be able to come out of a game like todays against the pathetic Toronto Blue Jays with a win? Oh right the baby had a boo boo. I am calling bull shit. He saw the writing on the wall with the hitters today and he wimped out of a sure loss.There was no way he was going to not give up a run.

  2. September 5, 2011 at 5:19 pm

    I blame our offense. I have no idea what they were doing! Neither did they.

    • FireDannyAinge
      September 5, 2011 at 6:51 pm

      When you score ZERO runs of course the offense is partially blamed but as far as I am concerned ,Beckett was out dueled by some guy I have never heard of. He gets some blame.

      Toronto’s team had no problem surviving until their offense showed up. Why do our pitchers get a free pass because they couldn’t do the same thing.?

  3. September 6, 2011 at 12:23 am

    On an unrelated note, I just got home. Just walked my dog. And there was a coyote. A coyote thing. I have got to get out of here.

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