For the next week, my life is going to be kind of terrible, actually (thanks, work). So, to make myself feel better, I’ve been reading sports news in French today. Because everything sounds better in French. Even stupid Yankee victories.
You know what sounds AMAZING in French? A-Prick (I’m sorry, A-Roid)’s gamblin’ hootenanny.
Seriously. It’s like what’s happening in Tripoli. I can NOT read about this enough. It’s like crack. You know about that, right, A-Roid? You see people snortin’ it all the time.
RoidRoger (<-working? no?) was spotting gambling. AGAIN.
Just weeks after he wound up in MLB’s cross-hairs for allegedly going to underground poker games, pinstripe pinhead Alex Rodriguez was spotted last Monday in a high-stakes gaming room at the Mohegan Sun casino in the Poconos, sources told The Post.
See? It’s even amazing in English.
Seriously, Alex? SERIOUSLY? Maybe… instead of gamblin’ and pokerin’ and gun slingin’ (okay, I made that part up) you should be concentrating on your wildcard slot. Because we’re .5 games behind you, boys. And your recent return from the depths of the DL. Or Cameron Diaz or something. She needs you. She’s probably depressed because she keeps making bad movies and doesn’t have Madonna arms.
Maybe you could concentrate on hitting.
He said that Sunday. After a HITLESS game. I guess the minute part that’s not the most part? I guess that’s about the not hitting.
What am I saying?
It’s your life, Alex. And I, for one, support you. If you want to keep gamblin’, this is America. You prioritize how you want to prioritize. Hit that crap table! Don’t even worry about that ball, buddy. You’re A-Okay in my book. Get it? A-okay? No. Not an A for Alex. For ass. As in… ass hole? You’re getting, me right? I’m kind of off my game.
The Red Sox have been winning. Apparently, it was amazing. I mean, I didn’t see it. Workin’ on a coal mine. Or. Um. A play. But I hear it’s been a legal and FUN equivalent to crack gamblin’, Alex. We won’t talk about Wakefield.
PS- I think you’re doing a GREAT job, Alex, buddy ole pal. You don’t change a fricking thing.