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A-Rod’s pahpahpahpahpahpah-pahpah-pokahface

For the next week, my life is going to be kind of terrible, actually (thanks, work). So, to make myself feel better, I’ve been reading sports news in French today. Because everything sounds better in French. Even stupid Yankee victories.

You know what sounds AMAZING in French? A-Prick (I’m sorry, A-Roid)’s gamblin’ hootenanny.

Seriously. It’s like what’s happening in Tripoli. I can NOT read about this enough. It’s like crack. You know about that, right, A-Roid? You see people snortin’ it all the time.

RoidRoger (<-working? no?) was spotting gambling. AGAIN.

A-Rod can’t seem to figure out when to hold ’em and when to fold ’em.

Just weeks after he wound up in MLB’s cross-hairs for allegedly going to underground poker games, pinstripe pinhead Alex Rodriguez was spotted last Monday in a high-stakes gaming room at the Mohegan Sun casino in the Poconos, sources told The Post.

See? It’s even amazing in English.

Seriously, Alex? SERIOUSLY? Maybe… instead of gamblin’ and pokerin’ and gun slingin’ (okay, I made that part up) you should be concentrating on your wildcard slot. Because we’re .5 games behind you, boys. And your recent return from the depths of the DL. Or Cameron Diaz or something. She needs you. She’s probably depressed because she keeps making bad movies and doesn’t have Madonna arms.

Maybe you could concentrate on hitting.

“For the most part, I liked the way I felt out there,” he said.

He said that Sunday. After a HITLESS game. I guess the minute part that’s not the most part? I guess that’s about the not hitting.

What am I saying?

It’s your life, Alex. And I, for one, support you. If you want to keep gamblin’, this is America. You prioritize how you want to prioritize. Hit that crap table! Don’t even worry about that ball, buddy. You’re A-Okay in my book. Get it? A-okay? No. Not an A for Alex. For ass. As in… ass hole? You’re getting, me right? I’m kind of off my game.

The Red Sox  have been winning. Apparently, it was amazing. I mean, I didn’t see it. Workin’ on a coal mine. Or. Um. A play. But I hear it’s been a legal and FUN equivalent to crack gamblin’, Alex. We won’t talk about Wakefield.

~L

PS- I think you’re doing a GREAT job, Alex, buddy ole pal. You don’t change a fricking thing.

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  1. August 22, 2011 at 1:04 pm

    I took two years of French in high school and got credit for one. (yes, I should have taken Spanish…I had no idea their textbooks had the English translations more readily accessable…anyway, don’t judge me on having to repeat a French course in the 8th and 9th grades) That being said, it should be noted I understand you can walk into any nuclear power plant in France and…if you know how to operate one you can operate them all. It’s criminal that’s not the case in our country because if anything should be standardized…it’s nukes.

  2. FireDannyAinge
    August 22, 2011 at 3:18 pm

    I spent two years in Spanish and only got credit for one. Small world.

    A-rod = ZZZZZZzZZZZZZZZzzzzzz

  3. FireDannyAinge
    August 22, 2011 at 3:37 pm

    Please go vote for Fisk Lauren. We can’t have Damon winning this thing.

    http://firedannyainge.wordpress.com/2011/08/22/i-dont-think-so-johnny-damon/

  4. FireDannyAinge
    August 22, 2011 at 3:38 pm

    Oh and make sure you post this on your blog so all Sox fans can vote. We can’t let Damons name even be mentioned.

    • August 22, 2011 at 4:22 pm

      DONE. That was very emotional for me. I think I need like… a hug or something. Vending machine honeybun might do the trick…

      • FireDannyAinge
        August 22, 2011 at 4:50 pm

        Virtual hug:)

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