Home > Scary Red Sox Rants, Sox Game Recaps > Ohmygod SHUT up. You are making baseball look bad!

Ohmygod SHUT up. You are making baseball look bad!

Orioles players insisted they were sticking up for themselves, perhaps after a breaking point in which they felt like Boston was having its way with the Baltimore club.

Get the frick over it already! If you are going to be THIS teary-eyed every time we win, it’s going to be a loooonnngggg season. Oh, but it’s not the Orioles fault. Right. It’s the Umps’ fault. I forgot.

Stop crying! It has been two days since we flogged you. Put a band-aid on that booboo, already.

Seriously. Do you want some ice cream? I’ll buy you some ice cream. I’ll buy alllll you kids ice cream. Now. Will you just shut up? Honestly, Bucky. You and your toddler team is reminding me of why I do NOT want children. Is this what it’s like?

Whatever you do, Bucky, don’t read THIS. It will send you into a tantrum. Oh. Or THIS.

And now they’ve made the grownups mad.Great.

Red Sox catcher Jason Varitek has had enough, particularly after his team demolished the Orioles this past weekend in a four-game sweep.

“We have some youth, too,” Varitek said. “So they can literally kiss my rear end.”

You’ve done it now. Sorry, but Tek says NO icecream. Now get back to your dug out. Don’t make me count to three.

Oh, this is interesting. Hey, Bucky, don’t you think this is interesting?

The reality is that the Orioles helped start the budget arms race in the 1990s, spending on free agents that put Baltimore near the top of the payroll standings. The Orioles spent the most money in the game in 1998, after being right behind the Yankees in 1997. As recently as 2000, the club was close to New York numbers and had an $84 million payroll.

And the fans are loving it. Seriously. Because, apparently, Orioles fans are kind of like us- in that things spiral and spiral and spiral and turn into a wave rant. Except, unlike us, it’s from this unearned sense of entitlement. Greggative has become more of a cheerleader than a baseball player. Back it up with a win or get your feathers out of our faces.


Why are you people still talking? Remember that time we lost to the fricking Padres? I didn’t want to talk about it. I wanted to run into a metaphorical dugout and hide. I didn’t try to out-whine them. Of course, it was just the Padres. That must be like losing to the Orioles. Hmmm….

But if Gregg was on my team, I would be embarrassed. He is not on my team and I am embarrassed.


Oh, don’t worry, Orioles. You have plenty of chances to feign relevance. The Home Run Derby, for example. Oh, wait… the Stanks and Sox kicked everybody’s tailfeathers

Well, at least you watched some good, old fashioned, American slugging.

Oh wait…

Last night, rather than watching the MLB home run derby, Guthrie tweeted that he instead watched the Bachelorette.

That’s okay, Guthrie. You take that spoon and that ice cream and you cry it out. I won’t tell Tek.

  1. FireDannyAinge
    July 12, 2011 at 1:15 pm

    Sorry O’s but we are busy with the all star game. Get back to us in 4 days:)

  2. Jup
    July 12, 2011 at 1:34 pm

    Guthrie was worried about triggering that PTSD that their pitching staff developed this weekend. Seeing Ortiz and Gonzalez hitting home run after home run? It’s too soon, man!

    • July 12, 2011 at 1:50 pm

      If this was Facebook, I would “like” that comment, Jup.

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