Home > Scary Red Sox Rants > This is why you won’t get a Pulitzer.

This is why you won’t get a Pulitzer.

I am boycotting one of my (prior) favorite news sites. The Onion.

The conversation (ten minutes ago) went like this:

Coworker-who-barely-knows-baseball-players-wear-mitts-he-is-that-flaky-when-it-comes-to-important-things: Hey, Lauren, what’s that player that you like?

What player? I ask, going into a philosophical (rant) conversation about the merits of the Red Sox as a unit.

Flaky coworker: No, I mean the one that you like.

I like everyone. Go back to typing.

No. I mean the one with the weird name.

Stop typing. He’s subjected to a lecture about how “weird-named players” kick ass. Like Yaz. And Youk. And how the letter “Y” is holy in baseball. Use computer background to illustrate point.

Youkilis. That’s it, he said.

Is silent for a long time.

I’m stewing over this. Flaky coworker doesn’t even know how David Ortiz is, and just name drops like that?

Go to flaky coworker’s computer. Find THIS link.

“Now, I didn’t show you that, Lauren, because you get a little weird about him.”

How DARE they????!!!!!

People forget that Kevin Youkilis is MY pretend husband.

I would never write a story about YOUR pretend husband.

Clearly, the Onion is compiled by Orioles fans.


Oh. Your pretend husband isn’t John Lackey, is he?

  1. FireDannyAinge
    July 11, 2011 at 6:18 pm

    Lame. The comment about John Lackey at the end was funnier then the onions attempt at humor.

  2. July 11, 2011 at 7:03 pm

    I thought the onion was supposed to be clever. That’s just out there.

  3. Jeb
    July 11, 2011 at 8:28 pm

    I was looking forward to some anti-Boston humor, but that just didn’t make sense. And it wasn’t particularly funny. They should remove that link and just pretend it didn’t happen.

  4. FireDannyAinge
    July 11, 2011 at 9:22 pm

    I thought this blog rid themselves of you Pirates fan? If you hate the red sox why are you here?

    Baseball on baseball crime. Is just so wrong (Unless your a Yankee fan)

  5. Jeb
    July 11, 2011 at 10:31 pm

    Because while I may hate the Red Sox, I love me some Lauren.

  6. Jup
    July 11, 2011 at 10:37 pm

    So… so wrong. Bad, Onion!

  7. July 12, 2011 at 7:28 am

    That Onion was out of date.

  8. July 15, 2011 at 12:56 pm

    Would you write a story about our pretend wives?

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