This is why you won’t get a Pulitzer.
I am boycotting one of my (prior) favorite news sites. The Onion.
The conversation (ten minutes ago) went like this:
Coworker-who-barely-knows-baseball-players-wear-mitts-he-is-that-flaky-when-it-comes-to-important-things: Hey, Lauren, what’s that player that you like?
What player? I ask, going into a philosophical (rant) conversation about the merits of the Red Sox as a unit.
Flaky coworker: No, I mean the one that you like.
I like everyone. Go back to typing.
No. I mean the one with the weird name.
Stop typing. He’s subjected to a lecture about how “weird-named players” kick ass. Like Yaz. And Youk. And how the letter “Y” is holy in baseball. Use computer background to illustrate point.
Youkilis. That’s it, he said.
Is silent for a long time.
I’m stewing over this. Flaky coworker doesn’t even know how David Ortiz is, and just name drops like that?
Go to flaky coworker’s computer. Find THIS link.
“Now, I didn’t show you that, Lauren, because you get a little weird about him.”
How DARE they????!!!!!
People forget that Kevin Youkilis is MY pretend husband.
I would never write a story about YOUR pretend husband.
Clearly, the Onion is compiled by Orioles fans.
Oh. Your pretend husband isn’t John Lackey, is he?