Home > Scary Red Sox Rants > But Red Sox, you’re GOOD at cutting ties. Remember 1920?

But Red Sox, you’re GOOD at cutting ties. Remember 1920?

Seriously. I have posed this question for over a year. Adamantly. Unapologetically. John Lackey, WHY???

I used to pose this question to the sloth himself. Sort of like this:

Dear John Lackey,




In recent weeks, the request has shifted focus. Like so:

Dear Theo,




No one can answer my fricking question.


THIS article sums it up perfectly. SEVEN runs, people. SEVEN.

That the Red Sox made the game interesting before losing, 9-7, could not obscure the growing problem with Lackey.

Clearly, Theo knows something I don’t. There is a greater conversation I am not privy too. Because it seems so fricking simple, right? Look at this:

Lackey is 19-19 with a 5.16 ERA since signing a five-year, $82.5 million deal. The Sox are 21-25 in the games he has started, with yesterday marking his shortest outing with the team.

SERIOUSLY. The only thing I can think to do… the ONLY thing, is shoving him to the DL list with an “elbow” issue. Because, clearly, he could get an ERA higher than my 27 years and Tito would still pat his back in the dugout.

It’s that blind-Timlin loyalty thing that is amazing when you think about where Wake and Tek are… but the “thing” isn’t fool proof. CLEARLY. It’s time to cut the cord.

I don’t know how I can articulate it any better than Lackey is through his ERA.

Seriously, what IS IT about him, Tito? What am I not seeing? Does he have secret unicorn powers?

Can he de-poison water by touching it with his lobby fingers? When he cries, do diamond stud earrings fall out of his tearducts? Seriously!!!! You can tell me! I can handle it! I read Hans Christian Anderson as a child!!!!

“I don’t think you ever evaluate 10 minutes after a game, because that’s dangerous,’’ Francona said. “We’ll try to figure it out.’’

I agree, Tito. Whole-heartedly. But I do think you should evaluate after several games. Say… a 7.47 ERA season.

And, like an extra dose of crapjuice… Lackey talks to the press.

“Overall, my arm felt pretty good,’’ Lackey said. “Probably one of the better ones it’s felt as far as velocity and stuff like that. Just didn’t locate well enough.

Ya think?

Lackey now fumes at his manager if Terry Francona wants to take him out of an abysmal inning. He fumes at opposing hitters who jump on the cream puffs he serves. He jumps on the media for daring to suggest that his salary would be better given to charity cases.

It’s the pitching. The inconsistency. The attitude.

He has the total crap package.

You get rid of Cameron… we actually feel kind of bad. He’s a nice guy. He tries. But you get rid of him. For good reasons. And we recognize that. We trust you. We get it. We wish him well.

And you keep Lackey. Who, in my opinion, makes Cameron look like fricking David Ortiz.

I. Do. Not. Understand.


Seriously. Help me out.

Oh, and there’s a fantastic Jup-fueled discussion HERE on fundraising ideas. You know. To keep John Lackey from pitching. By ANY MEANS NECESSARY.


PS- OHMYGOD there’s a new Nomahhhhh. Hope-upon-hope that this kid makes it to Boston.

Categories: Scary Red Sox Rants
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  1. October 26, 2011 at 11:48 am

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