Jeb: Too Soxy for His Shirt? Jeb, the Pirate Princess, makes his guest blog debut
So, since I’m out and about at work until the wee hours. And then starting work again at wee hour-thirty, Jeb (firstname.lastname@example.org) has graciously volunteered to guest blog today.
Jeb, I dub thee “Pirate Princess.”
I found this picture of Jeb on facebook. So you’ll know who’s blogging at you. If he gives you any trouble, make fun of his team in the comments section.
My name is Jeb and I’m a Pirates fan.
If you share my affliction, it’s been a long twenty years. The memories of Mazeroski, Clemente, The Lumber Company, We Are Family, and the Killer B’s are but distant memories. The Pirates have failed to put together a winning season since the tragic finale of the 1992 NLCS. Most seasons have ended without a hope of a postseason berth save the nearly-magical season of 1997. Not everyone has suffered with the fade into small-market hell. The owners of the Pirates have done quite well in collecting luxury taxes from the more successful clubs and refusing to use the funds to pay players they’ve spent developing through the minor league system.
But there is hope in the Steel City in 2011. Led by Andrew McCutcheon, the Pirates have more talent on their team in at least a decade. It is late June and the Bucs are still at .500 which is the latest in a season since at least 1999. Hopes are high as there is a possibility the losing skid could finally end in 2011. And dare we dream of a potential playoff berth? Pittsburgh is only a few games out in the NL Central so with a little luck (and St. Louis’s All-Universe Albert Pujols getting injured certainly classifies as “lucky”) anything could happen.
Of course, this isn’t my blog and there’s a reason why I’m making an appearance at “Too Soxy for my Shirt.” Because Red Sox Nation is descending upon the fair city of Pittsburgh!  Lauren is probably expecting a sweep because in her mind, the Pirates only exist as a farm club for the elites of MLB. WELL SHE IS DEAD WRONG! (Editor’s note: Lauren is NEVER wrong. She is super smart in all things and Jeb’s Pirates shall rue the day) I’ve prepared a Tale of the Tape to prepare us for this apocalyptic showdown.
|Stadium||Best in baseball||Decaying shitty dump||Pirates|
|Ill-fated construction projects||None I know about||Big Dig||Pirates|
|Recently caught criminals||None I know about||James Whitey Bulger||Pirates|
|World Series winning %||71.4%||63.6%||Pirates|
Well there you have it. The Pirates should easily romp over the Red Sox this weekend. (Editor’s note: Ha. Ha-ha. Ha, ha) Never mind the fact that I still think the Pirates are at least a year away from breaking the losing streak. Or the fact that I picked the Red Sox to win the World Series. (Editor’s note: Darn tootin’) Or the fact that that Red Sox Nation travels very well. Or the fact that the Pirates aren’t doing particularly well at home. Never mind all that trivia! I expect a Pirates sweep with an average margin of victory of around 7-8 runs. Go Pirates! Make Lauren cry and we’ll nourish ourselves off the salt of her tears! (Editor’s note: Hey! I think you just Posada-ed yourself with that closing comment, Jeb McRary)
 To illustrate how distant these memories are, there was actually a time where people were able to lump Bobby Bonilla with Barry Bonds in the same nickname and somehow keep from laughing hysterically.
 Fun fact: During the 1997 season, I attended the only extra-innings combined no-hitter in MLB history. Francisco Cordova and Ricardo Rincon were the pitchers against the hated Houston Astros. And the game ended with a walkoff home run. And there were fireworks. It was a good night.
 Thus functioning as a highly profitable minor league ballclub. Check out this article published on Deadspin last year. http://deadspin.com/5615096/mlb-confidential-the-financial-documents-baseball-doesnt-want-you-to-see-part-1
 The days of Brian Giles and Jason Kendall.
 Hide your kids. Hide your wife.