Home > Sox Game Recaps > Tito, there’s a sloth in our shoe

Tito, there’s a sloth in our shoe

Lackey, soaked to the Padres.

Lackey roughed up.

John Lackey, Red Sox, all wet.

John Lackey gets sloppy in Fenway slop.

The rain puns are flowing in headlines this morning. <- See? That was a rain pun.

Rain puns suck.

You know what headline I prefer?

Time for Terry Francona to pull John Lackey

“The latest chapter in John Lackey’s season from hell unfolded on Wednesday at Fenway Park, where not even frequent rain could extinguish the blaze of failure that scorched the Red Sox”

See, Lackluster? It’s not just me.

“How much longer can the club survive with him in the rotation?”

Survive is a little dramatic. Look at the standings. We’re more than surviving.

But the PADRES?

I’m okay. I just need a few more capital letters. THE FRICKING PADRES?!!!! Okay. Fine now.

But of COURSE. It’s not Lackey’s fault. OF COURSE NOT.

When asked about pitching in the conditions Lackey said, “They weren’t great. I don’t think I’ve ever hit anybody with the bases loaded before.”

Tito does that thing. You know the thing. The Mike Timlin thing. The insane-awesome-amazing loyalty thing. And it’s a great thing. I don’t think Tim Wakefield would still be around to wow us if Tito didn’t do his thing. But occasionally, the thing is skewed and shields people like Lackey. People like Lugo. People like Lackey. Then it becomes a bad thing. A foul, yellowed, crapcupcake of a thing that needs to be flushed.

Surely, Tito is figuring this out. Surely Theo is HELPING Tito figure this out.

We’ve got Miller. We’ve got Wakefield. We’ve got some nice PawSox pitchers waiting in the wings. NOW is the time to try them out. I don’t want to get to post season and have to try out Doubront, etc… They aren’t always Jacobys to our Coco, after all. NOW is the time to experiment. When we have a cushion. Okay, so Lackey was an experiment. But that one blew up in the chem lab.

Metaphors aside, Sloth needs to go.

Tito, I can’t do this for you.

I wish I could. I would pay five, maybe as many as TEN dollars to be the person to help pack up John Lackeys little things in a little box with postage paid to LA. But that’s not my job. My job is to bitch about your job, Tito. And you’re making my job reallllllyyyyyy easy.

Get on it, TF.

Your job is to make decisions.

So make one.

We lost to the PADRES, Tito. The PADRES.

L

PS. Yes. I am angry. But I am NOT the only one. Anger, you see, is healthy. Anger initiated the French Revolution. Anger initiated Dorothy’s escape from the witch’s castle in Wizard of Oz. Both equally important in our history. Anger initiated the Boston Tea Party. The Revolutionary War. America. And anger is going to initiate the third WS victory in my lifetime. Just wait.

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Categories: Sox Game Recaps
  1. Jup
    June 23, 2011 at 11:27 am

    If only Theo and Tito listened to us… the Sox would be so much better off!

    • June 23, 2011 at 11:30 am

      Right? It’s like we’re Cassandra and no one believes us about the walls of Troy falling down. I wish we weren’t so smart, Jup. It’s a lot of pressure to be as smart as we are. The naive have it easy.

  1. June 24, 2011 at 8:39 am
  2. October 26, 2011 at 11:48 am

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