Really? Oh. John Lackey. OF FRICKING COURSE.
Of course, John Lackey. OF COURSE.
They are the PADRES, Lackey. The PADRES. The LAST in their division. Their NATIONAL LEAGUE division. LAST PLACE IN ALL OF FRICKING BASEBALL. It takes SKILL to LOSE.
I can’t talk about this now. Maybe tomorrow. Or. Um. Later today.
PS: Listen, Slothy, McGoonieson, I think it’s time for you to hit the DL. Comprende, you Wind-in-the-Willows-esque toad turd? The DL or LA. TAKE. YOUR. PICK.
but you stay on my baseball team, I WILL ridicule you.
“He went back out after the rain delay and just looked like he lost his feel,” said Francona, this time speaking specifically about Lackey. “I don’t think the conditions were very good for either pitcher but he just lost his command and it cost us some runs.”
I was right the first time. I just can’t talk about this. It’s too soon. It’s too soon, damnit.
“You guys are going to write what you want to write, whatever,” Lackey said.
I want to write that you were lack a formless Stretch Arm Strong out there drowning in a pool of your own urine (That’s rain? I couldn’t tell). But whatever. You were like a Shrek interpretation of Gene Kelly in “Singing in the Rain.” Great movie. Great lamppost dance, BUT COMPLETELY IRRELEVANT.
We’ll talk about this tomorrow. Oh, boy, will we.