Home > Drunken Live Blogging > ‘I’ve decided you should marry Reddick.’

‘I’ve decided you should marry Reddick.’

It is 11:15 p.m. and I am condemning this whole damn operation! Gahk. I can summarize this whole long, craptastic post in one sentence. “OH MY FRICKING GOD.” <- that is the sentence. It expresses extreme displeasure at this horrible, horrible, crapfest of a game. I think this video clip is an appropriate use of your time. But it does contain the word “shit,” which, lately, has replaced the “f” word as my go-to for toe stubbing. Airport bottles are a great invention. They have alcohol AND they are adorable. So, if you don’t want to read the lengthy, lengthy live blogging crap that is my crazy blog rant of the day, know this and know it well: Wheeler, I will have my revenge. In this life or the next. That is from Braveheart. Kind of Or Gladiator. Or some other movie with an Australian playing a scottish or greek person… How much vavoom do you think Mel Gibson used in Braveheart? Mel Gibson was the Kirk Douglas of our time. You know. Until the anti-Semitic crazy. Mel Gibson. Not Kirk Douglas. Kirk Douglas isn’t anti anything except you know, Stalin and stuff.


So, I’m at work in a horrible-no-good-much-worse-than-that-children’s-book bad day, (ohmygod is it 9:47? Is that PM?!) I don’t even know the score (that’s how horrible it is. Because you know I check that obsessively), and my mother just sent me a text message.

“I’ve decided you should marry Reddick instead of Youkilis.”

I’m sorry. It says: “Ive decided u should marry riddick stead of youk.”

So, there.

Apparently, Reddick’s kicking ass?


9:50 You know what just made my day better? Seeing that it’s 4-4 (better than nothing. Thanks… Reddick?) and getting comments about how other people almost drowned on their beverages after seeing JohnnyDamonville online. Thanks guys. Really. Oh, and FDA‘s silly misinterpretation of the awesomeness of Youkilis. Isn’t it scary how I don’t actually know any of you and yet you have the ability to collectively make me smile? Because real people today only have the collective ability to make me throw shoes. Speaking of which, before I drive home, I really need to find my shoes.


10:26. At home. Finally. Talked to my mother on the way home.

“I could really see Reddick as a son-in-law,” she said. “He hit a double and a triple. I bet he has nice manners.”

Trying to talk to my mom about genuine crap at work. She keeps intercepting with strike calls. So, she’s watching the game and not listening. I think this is what they call role reversal. It is 5-4. That’s nice. In NOT NICE WORLD. This is what happens when I leave my mother in charge.


I’m glad I had the good sense to hit the liquor store during a work break today.


Mike Adams, you have a boring name.

Adrian!!!!!!! Stop striking out in front of company!


It is 10:34. End of the 8th. Jesus Guzman? There are a lot of baseball players named Jesus.

Johnny Paps! I’m so happy to see you. Side note: Beckett was sick too, hmm? Think it’s the same plague that zapped Salty and Youk? Damn, dirty viruses…

So, sidelined by a link, this guy says Reddick could become a regular. He also says with Lowrie injured (why is everyone so surprised?!) we may be looking at Jose Reyes… This guy says lots of things. Including a fun snippet about Youkilis when asked why Youk rubs dirt on his uniform:

“He’s a Dirt Dog, plain and simple.

In all seriousness, I have never even noticed that…

If there is one guy that doesn’t need to worry about finishing the game without some dirt on his uniform, it is Youkilis. So if he does what you are accusing him of doing, you know he’s not just doing it for show. Youkilis is a pretty ritualistic guy in terms of his preparation. There could be some superstition behind it.

I’ll see if I can catch him in the act and get back to you.”

I haven’t noticed that. Have you?

10:43. Or, as we like to call it on the couch, shot-thirty. Everyone’s favorite Kevin Youkilis due up. Bottom of the 9th. LAST CHANCE FOR A RALLY.

Please, guys? I need this. Like, really-really.

Heath Bell. Does that sound like a real name to you? Are you sure you don’t write romance novels or have an evil twin in a soap opera?

A single for Youkie-pie! That’s right, baby. Rally. Rally like you’ve never rallied before. Um. Or like you did yesterday in the 7th. That would be good too.

10:50. Ortiz. Okay. Did Ortiz really steal a base earlier? That’s smashtastic.

Two strikes. Okay. I see what you’re doing. You’re being coy, aren’t you, big boy? Coy and boy rhyme.

I wish I was at Fenway. I bet the seat thumping has commenced.


A double play.

It’s okay, Youkie. YOU tried.

ohno! Slumpy McSlumperson, aka: JD Drew. To the rescue? RESCUE WOULD BE NICE.

The adventures of Slumpy. What a children’s book you would make.

Crap. We just lost to the fricking Padres.

It’s the shithawks again. I’m telling you. They haven’t left me alone all day…

WARNING: Video Clip contains foul and hilarious language.

I’m not the only one who had supervisor meetings today. Lester and Tito had a heart-to-heart. Wants to keep him “fresh” for September. Does this mean pulling him (and not Wake?!)?

“It seemed like a long time ago, the Yankees always took their guy and gave them – not a forced rest – but a little two-week [break]. It’s great idea because at the end of the season, guys feels good about themselves, but you also have to be good enough to do it, you have to win enough games to be able to do it.”

Oh yes, let’s follow a Yankee director. Next thing you know we’ll be shaving heads and going after your ice cream.

But yeah… okay… whatever you say, Tito.

Kevin and I have another thing in common. A bad ankle. I twisted mine. AGAIN. Today. I wish I could give you a dramatic story about saving a puppy or at least stepping in a hole. But I was walking across a tile floor (and not a real tile floor, a work tile floor) and fell. On my face.

Another interesting read today is this little ditty about all that realignment jazz. The blog poses the question- could a realignment impact the BoSox-Stanks rivalry?

My easy answer? Not while Johnny Damon is alive.

Eighteen times every season, the Yankees and Red Sox play each other as part of arguably the greatest rivalry in sports. These games are made all-the-more important by the fact that first place in the division is so often at stake.

Take away the divisions, and suddenly it loses a lot of its varnish. Not only will they face each other a lot less frequently, but they lose one of their contests. A.L. East champion may not mean a ton when compared to World Series Champion, but it’s something, even if both the winner and runner-up ends up making the playoffs.

I still have no opinion. Or, in the words of a town council stereotype: “I am holding off on forming an opinion until I review the facts presented to me and have an opportunity to have my questions answered.” What are your questions? “I still need to review the facts to get the questions.” Facts on what specifically? “Facts on the opinions that I have.”


Need a pick-me-up post Padres? I enjoyed statistics on inter-league play gathered by… *gasp* a Stankee in this blog.

“Not only does Boston kill the National League, they also play stellar baseball in National League ballparks — something the Yankees haven’t always been able to say.”

I can’t wait for another Josh Beckett at-bat.

You know, for the first time I’ll really miss Dice-K. How fun is it to watch him bat? Really! Remember that little innocent smirk before he knocks it out of the park? Love him. Miss him. Wish him well.


Thanks again for your comments. They lifted my spirits today more than you know. And more than those USELESS Red Sox.

Okay, you’re not useless. But you are vertebrate clenching!!!!

I still love you, Kevin Youkilis. No matter what my mother says.


PS- Since I didn’t watch the bulk of the game, I am reserving judgment as to whose fault this was. But I’m hearing some BAAAAAAAD things about you, Aceves.

Wait. Wait a minute…


DAMN IT, ACEVES! I am never eating fettuccine alfredo again.

“After two quick outs, the roof caved in on Aceves in perhaps the ugliest inning pitched by a Sox pitcher this season.

The WORST? Think about that bar, Aceves. Bobby Jenks. John Lackey. DENNYS REYES. And a blogger, a PROFESSIONAL blogger singled your inning out. How does that feel?

I can’t even look at your name in print. I can’t even do it.

You just wait until I’m calm enough to blog about you, Wheeler. YOU. JUST. WAIT. You’re lucky it’s shot-thirty again!

  1. FireDannyAinge
    June 21, 2011 at 11:59 pm

    I am okay with tonights loss because I will be at tomorrows game. GO ME!

    If my friend ever actually shows up on time I’ll get some goods Yooukilis pictures. I think you should marry Reddick even though he is wearing Kattaras’s old number 16,.

  2. June 22, 2011 at 12:01 am

    i am more jealous than dennys reyes’ suckage level. i want to go!

    • FireDannyAinge
      June 22, 2011 at 7:44 pm

      Turns out you were lucky you didn’t go. Why do I get Lackey pitching every time I step in Fenway?

      I sat in the rain for a loss. I left early something I NEVER do.

      David Ortiz hitting into two double plays? TWO PAPI? urgh

  3. June 22, 2011 at 7:39 am

    The local town council person sounds like a decisive fellow. Supervisor meetings…don’t get me started on the Dilbert world…

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