It’s okay guys. Youk will be back today.
I know you were all pacing in the waiting rooms of your hearts. But Tito assures us that our favorite Kevin Youkilis WILL be back. You can stop chewing your fingernails, FDA. And we need him. I mean, two whole runs against us yesterday! It was chaos!
Is it possible to type sarcasm?
Speaking of sarcasm… Deeeeeeetroit.
My coworker’s most favorite-upon-favorite tigers. About to be poached.
Get it? Because they’re tigers? And… um… people poach tigers? Like that one time in “The Jungle Book?” Not the cartoon, but the other “Jungle Book.” Was Cary Elwes in that? I get my actors confused. But that kind of poaching. Not the egg kind of poaching. Even though, boiling them is an appropriate metaphor. Because they’ll be boiled tigers. What a scary soup.
Guess how much sleep I’ve had?
Not enough to go into witty detail about how those cats will be declawed. And not enough to think that what I just said WASN’T HILARIOUS.
So if you could cover for me with your own trash talking, that would be swell. And I know you anti-Detroitees out there can come up with something better than, “Tigers, prepare to be declawed.” Well, maybe. Because that’s gold, people. Trash talking GOLD.
So, Soxies, whatcha got? Game’s at 1 p.m. So start trashin’.
PS: Aceves… don’t let me down, baby.
CF Ellsbury <- Is going to steal ALL the bases. It will be more eventful than a mall day with Winona and Li-Lo.
2B Pedroia<- Read this and feel great about the Destroy-a.
1B Gonzalez <-A cycle. Today.
3B Youkilis <- See? Not just a lovely, lovely dream…
DH Ortiz <- Is going to make them wet their wittle uniforms. With fear.
LF Crawford <- Growing on us. Almost got a cycle. Has a great attitude. DOES ACTUALLY HIT SOMETIMES. Kid’s alright.
SS Sutton <- Um. Did something yesterday? So. Um. Okay. Read a good article about him HERE.
RF Reddick <-Um. Whatever. Pawtuckett recall, eh… I learned more about Reddick HERE.
C Varitek <- AWESOME