Beckett and Jacoby, best friends
Let me tell you a story, friends.
About a guy who pitches and a guy who hits and wins.
8:58 p.m. Today’s game reminds me of a nursery rhyme. Or a ballad. Or a Disney movie. Something epic like Fox and the Hound.
“We’ll be friends forever, won’t we?” said Josh, right after nailing rocks through the strikezone.
“Yeah. Friends forever,” Jacoby said, right after backing up his boy with his 18th consecutive-hit-game.
And then they hold hands and skip around the bases as Tito and Pedroia bake a cake. Oh what happy times they will all have together.
I know it’s only the 5th inning… but don’t you just feel all warm and fuzzy? I know I do.
Anyone actually see the whole movie “Fox and the Hound?” I don’t actually think there was a cake in “Fox and the Hound.” But I remember a Fox. And a Hound. And friendship. And, if they played baseball, this metaphor? It wold totally work.
I can’t seem to remember how it ends.
Back to the grind. Work lasts forever today. Thank god for multitasking and Gameday. And caffeine. One day, one day I will sleep.
Did you know that Corey Feldman was in Fox in the Hound?
Food for thought.
Middle of the 6th, Varitek scored. 1-0.
Did you know it has been 41 starts since a Beckett shut out? Good. To. Know.
9:25. If “Fox and the Hound” were bloggers, you could totally be the Hound, FDA. See, I have red hair, so I’d get to be the Fox.
I love you, Josh Beckett.
Could you guys hit or something? Thanks. I need sleep. Youkie-Bear, I’m coming home late tonight. Awww. Drat. For like, a second, I thought my imagination was real.
Piles and piles of work, I guess it’s just you and me.
9:30. Ohmygod, Paps, please don’t mess up.
9:43 p.m. Remember back in the day when our first thought when the jigger hit the mound was, “Awesome. Thank god for Paps.”
Now it’s ohmygod, Paps, please don’t mess up.
Like a 14 percent budget cut for North Carolina schools! Guess what I’m working on?
Wouldn’t it supersuck if I got the blog post and my schools article mixed up?
It would be super fun to read.
9:45. No. No! NOOOOOOOOO!
JONATHAN PAPELBON, IF THIS WERE FOX AND THE HOUND YOU WOULD BE THAT BEAR THAT COMES OUT AND ATTACKS PEOPLE!!!!!!!!
9:48. A strike out. But the damage is done. 1-1. ONE TO FRICKING ONE.
See, it’s the 8th inning. Something you don’t care about, Papelbon. Because, see, this is all you have to do today. I, on the other hand, have to finish two packages and three quick grabs by 9 a.m. So you see, PAPS, extra innings? Not something I’m particularly fond of on a Monday.
So, Youkie-Bear, darling, honey, lover. GET IT TOFRICKINGGETHER. Thanks, babe.
When I said babe, I was referring to my favoritist of all favorites, Kevin Youkilis. NOT YOU, Papelbon. We are NOT okay.
I am adrift in a sea of mediocrity.
Oh. That’s good. I’m totally using that in my schools budget story. 9:50.
9:54. Youkie-Bear, this is worse than that time you were unfaithful to me with Ben Afleck’s ex-girlfriend.
Could ONE of you just hit already?
I just heard this radio ad for chocolate coconut icecream. Could someone buy it for me?
JESUS CHRIST, WHAT THE FRICK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? Were you AT yesterday’s game? You know, the one where you pretended you knew how to fricking hit?
You are DISTRACTING ME from my job.
It’s really dark in this office. And I am all alone.
This is the part where I usually make up noises.
Yep. I think I heard a creaking noise. You know, the kind caused by axe murderers and … wait… oh, that’s right, sucky baseball players.
Papelbon, I swear to C-Fisk, I will throw a screaming temper-tantrum fit in your nightmares if you don’t un-Jenks yourself.
9th inning. Okay. I’m turning off Game Day. You heard me. I am turning it off. I am going to finish this package. And when I finish this package, this will be over and we will win and be happy and cast final smiles before curtain JUST LIKE in “Fox and the Hound.” So, I mean it. No texts. Don’t you DARE send me a fricking text! Or wave at me in a psychic vision. Or anything. Because YOU, Paps, are distracting me from my JOB.
Okay. Starting… NOW.