Okay. I’m… um… Sorry.
Dear John Lackey,
I’m sorry, okay?
I… I… I shouldn’t have said that thing about you… and Sloth from the Goonies.
Or that thing about you and… um… Napoleon Dynamite. And Lenny from “Of Mice and Men.” (But come on. That one’s kind of obvious, isn’t it?)
Or… about how you reminded me midget version of Andre the Giant with less hair who was less cool.
And that thing I said about how your cookie monster voice grates on every fiber of my being, especially when you’re blaming the offense for your shitty pitching… um… I didn’t mean that either.
Your pitching isn’t shitty. At the moment.
It’s kind of great.
So. Um… are we cool?
(Yeah, so I’ve used this before. But… um… I suppose it’s relevant…)
PS- Thanks for making us third. And… um… putting us 3.5 games behind the Yankees. Um… okay.