Home > Sox Game Recaps > Last place. Hmmm.

Last place. Hmmm.

Dear Jon Lester,

Hi. I’d like to start out by saying you looked great today. Really great. Swell, even. That strikeout in the first inning was the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen, Jon. You were like a sunset in a western movie, my green, green grass. My tall drink of water. My sexy, cancer-kicking superman (and I’m a reporter, fyi. You know? Like Lois Lane?).

And you didn’t stop there. You struck out eight batters. Really swell. Peachy Keen, even. Swoon-worthy.

And I wish that was enough for me. But, Jon Lester, I need more from this relationship.

I know that sometimes you feel sorry for people like Johnny Damon who have no soul. I know you feel it’s your duty as a defender of justice to impart pity on even the wretched ones. And I get a kick out of your humility.

But it’s time to put me first, Jon. In the 5th inning, you broke my heart when you allowed that 2-run single. My heart, Jon. My heart. A heart that, when you struck out that shaven turncoat, initially pulsed with a passion I thought would never end. That passion fizzled in the fifth inning, leaving a barren wasteland that forgot how to love you for at least twenty minutes.

Please don’t make me feel that way again.



PS- Price has nothing on you, baby. Well, except the win…


“If we continue to put together quality starts like that, we’ll be OK.” ~Jason Varitek.


Well, “okay” is not sucky. Okay is a step above mediocrity. And a step below good. Which is a step below great. Which is a step below Awesome. So, we’re… what… four steps away? And a step above the horrible-Daisuke-induced-nightmare-complete-with-flying-monkeys-of-doom-scary-clown-cars-and-stale-bagels category that we witnessed yesterday. Actually, I think it’s several steps above that.

Flying monkeys are scary.

Thanks, V-Tek for putting it all into perspective.

Concerning Lester’s three games with no wins, Varitek said, “It’s not about Jon, it’s about us. We’re playing better. Losing isn’t fun for anyone right now. But guys are getting better at-bats. Swinging better.”

So… um… last place.

Well, it’s the last place you’d think to look for a team that spends a zillion dollars on everyone but a new pitcher.

Hmmm. Well, at least every win is a step up statistically. We can… um… LITERALLY only go up from here…

Work kept me in and out of this game. After checking my cellphone for the 700th time in 10 minutes… I realized it’s not just a sport. It’s an addiction (I’m a little slow sometimes, okay?) And it’s kind of interfering with my life. I  mean, it always has to an extent. I always watch games when I can and check scores online. But on my cellphone? Every five minutes? Okay. Five seconds. You’d think I would have realized this was an obsession like… I don’t know… years ago when I started the original blog…

Good thing I have unlimited texting…

See… I’m not as depressed as I was yesterday because of a little thing that happened in inning one. I don’t know if you caught it. It was Johnny Damon striking the frick out. I caught it. I saved it on my computer so I can watch it. Again. And again. And again…

Let’s ignore the two-run single (didn’t see it) and the inevitable smirking I missed. And let’s concentrate on that one, shining moment. YOU’RE OUT. SIT DOWN. AND STOP FRICKING SMIRKING.

Other good things… McDonald. Who saw that coming? A shocker, straight into the monster seats. I blinked for a good ten seconds.

And, yeah, I know you’re going to start spouting off about how I’m always too hard on Lowrie (my replacement for cries of “LUGO!” accompanied by angry fist shakes), but his contribution was shadowed by that fly out in the 8th.

So… hmmm… what we need to work on. Um… Let’s see if I can get this straight. Our offense. John Lackey. Dice-K. Clay Buchholz. Salty. Curt Young. Julio Lugo (that’s for nostalgia) and… um… our liquor cabinets?

What do you think our big problem is? You know, other than not winning. Against the SECOND WORST TEAM. Sigh.

It’s going to be okay. I feel something’s coming… something’s coming to change everything…

I gotta feeling there’s a miracle due gonna come through, comin’ to me. could it be? yes it could. Something’s coming, something good!

Hmmm… what could it be?


Well, there’s always Toronto.


PS- Last place isn’t ALWAYS the end of the world.

Categories: Sox Game Recaps
  1. Jeb
    April 13, 2011 at 12:25 am

    The curse of ditching Jeb strikes again 🙂

  2. April 13, 2011 at 12:31 am

    Just looked through your site, I like it. Big fan of the drunken live blogging, though at this point in the season idk if there is any other way to do it.
    Keep up reppin the sox down south, we will do what we can to fix shit up here in boston.

    The Moose

  3. Dmitri Old
    April 13, 2011 at 7:33 am

    I sort of wish that people would stop telling me that if “this” happens “all will be OK”. How about the bats hitting, and the pitchers stop conceding runs? And winning games, please.

    This Tampa Bay team has won one game all season coming into this series – they smashed around our number 5, and had their ace beat our ace. Shields v Lackey doesn’t exactly have me putting the champers on ice.

    Yours, Mr Negativity.

  4. April 13, 2011 at 8:51 am

    Listening to Mike And Mike on ESPN…they asked John Kruk when it is time to panic in Boston…he said now. It’s still April. That being said, I love Red Sox Nation passion. If fans could fix this…done deal.

  5. April 13, 2011 at 8:58 am

    Yes, apparently we don’t have that power? I mean, I’m just one person down here, guys, in a sea of Atlanta Braves fans. But you… most of you… are in Boston. Can’t you rally the troops or something? Gather the pitchforks? March through Fenway?
    Kidnap Johnny Damon?
    I didn’t mean that.
    Maybe it’s like in Peter Pan where Tinkerbell can die if we don’t believe hard enough.
    Last place.
    Well… um… at least we’re all together. Down here.

  1. April 13, 2011 at 8:37 am

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