JUST IN- Scut scoots away. And we get… um… somebody?

So. Um. Just in. We’re. Um. Scut-less. We better get a great pitcher. A GREAT one. We traded with… let’s see… the Rockies. So a great pitcher would be… Oh. Right.

Crap.

~L

Update- hearing it’s Clayton Mortensen. Clay Mortensen. Okayyyyy.

Let’s meet you, courtesy of Wikipedia.

On the night of 2 October 2009, Mortensen was arrested on suspicion of drunken driving and spent the night in the Santa Clara County jail.

Okay.

Um. Anyone else feel another beer and chicken joke coming?

Oh no. Don’t read this article on a Rockies loss in June. It sounds too dejavuzy. You will shudder and have Bard-bad-streak-flashbacks. Here’s an excerpt.

Clayton Mortensen, at this moment the saddest man in Colorado, was muttering to himself as he trudged to the Rockies’ dugout.

His shoulders sagged. His right arm was hanging low. He kept talking, with himself as the only audience, as he approached his teammates.

Oh no.

Oh no.

Scoot away from the Scut!

Are you seeing this? Rumors abound that a Scutaro trade could be a-foot.

Scut was actually useful. USEFUL. Could we stop this crazy talk, Benny V?

Let’s talk more imports than exports, guys. Who we can get. Not who we can kick out.

The theory is- Scut would free up the $$$ to get pitchers. Okay. Great. I like pitcher $$$.

Someone explain again why we can’t do that with Lackey? He’d be a GREAT export.

Apparently the Scut deal fizzled… but if they’re shopping Scut, more deals could be on the horizon. Wonder how the folks at the Scut blog feel about this development.

What’s your take on Mr. Marco? Leave the scoop on the Scut in the comments section.

~L

PS- it is snowing in Delaware. See?

Hmm. You can't really see in this picture, can you?

I am terrified. Because I have to drive to the Philly airport in the am. Stupid snow. It follows me. I’m telling you…

PPS- I like Delaware. Because you never have to pay for drinks. More on this later.

Wise words with a side of Salt- Saltalamacchia!

Hey, you guys! You guys! Salty says it’s time to move on! I’m sure YOUR quotes are the ones everyone will listen to, Salty.

I mean, it’s been four months, but thanks for that startling revelation, Salty.

And you think you can fill Tek’s shoes…

With last season’s chicken and beer-soaked debacle in the rearview mirror, catcher Jarrod Saltalamacchia says the 2012 team is ready to take the field and win back the respect of Red Sox Nation.

“I think the guys handled it extremely well,” Salty told the Track. “I don’t think they’re proud of the way things ended, but they’re not going to look back, they’re ready to move forward.”

Salty. I don’t blame you for this ridiculous, horse-beating interview.

Media, I blame you.

Seriously. Beer and chicken was 2011. It’s January, guys. And we’re ready to ACTUALLY move on. And part of that? Is to STOP ASKING SALTY and other players about their dietary habits.

And Salty- stop answering questions about Soxsplosion!!!!

—

In other news, minor leaguer Aaron Cook was just signed by the Soxies.

He tried the starting game in Colorado last year and was unsuccessful. So, clearly, that’s who we sign.

He kind of sounds like the Rockies’ equivalent of Kyle Weiland.

Peaches.

~L

Day, what is it, 5? On crutches? And it’s raining? Today’s episode will be called “Slip ‘n Slide.”