Home > Uncategorized > Jon Lester is punishing us for taking away the chicken.

Jon Lester is punishing us for taking away the chicken.

Do you ever think it’s on purpose? Like, for some reason, Jon Lester is mad at us?

My puppy does this sometimes. Not so much anymore now that she’s a grown up (take note, Jon Lester). But you hear about it. Your puppy is angry at you so she poos in the middle of the floor. Or on your Fortune magazine.

Is this your middle-of-the-floor poo, Jon Lester? Okay. We get it. We’ll walk you. GEEZ.

Baaaaaad Pirate loss aside (the fricking PIRATES?), things aren’t so stable in the nation.

And, despite what you may read, it’s not just the rotation that’s breaking like hips on osteoporosis.

Check out this depressing read on Carl Crawford. Actually… don’t. You might not want to… Here. Read this pointless article on A-Gonz instead. Or this!

Oh good. Media reports of “trouble brewing.” I’m so glad we have the media to interpret horrible losses as horrible losses.

Okay. 6-5 wouldn’t be horrible. You know. Unless it was against the FRICKING Pirates.

But, let’s be comforted in the fact that it is just a dress rehearsal. Let’s all take a deep breath and…

Hi, Media. You’re back.

Is Bobby Valentine taking the right approach? <- Really? How can we POSSIBLY know that when haven’t even played a REAL game? Seriously, people. I’m not going to say I’m wading in tulips over the way this week has been playing out, but it’s SPRING TRAINING. They don’t always nail the soliloquies weeks before the show, guys…

The losses aren’t what fills me with motionsicky dread. What fills me with motionsicky dread is the overall organization, or lack thereof. How we’re still in rumored talks with Roy Oswalt (SERIOUSLY) and don’t have a concrete rotation. Or a concrete lineup. Or a concrete anything, really. It’s like a dress rehearsal with only half a script. THAT is what we should be freaking out about. Not specifics. The general icky disorganization.

Panic about the CORRECT thing, Soxies.

Bobby V is still not sure about Bard- I’m okay with that uncertainty. It’s this thing Bobby V and I share. If we were friends, we’d talk about this over cheesecake. Bobby V, unlike most of you, Twitter world, gets the free pass dilemma. Bard keeps handing them out. I think it’s because he’s charitable. There’s no room for charitable DURING the games, Bard. That’s what Jimmy Fund events are for…

“I don’t think that even with his good stuff I could handle the walks,” Valentine said. “Now I don’t know if [it's the] spring…and trying to impress. That’s why I looked for the changeup. If there was a pitch he wasn’t comfortable with and that was causing some of these negative counts, I would have been able to use that as an excuse.”

Of course, look at our options… Doubront… MILLER…

Sigh. With the current troupe of players, Bard might be the default…

I have said all along I trust Aceves’ experience over Bard’s mound moping… I like Bard. I do. I like him in the bull pen. And, for once, I am not alone in the universe

Speaking of things to get dizzy about- the Red Sox, at $1 billion (which will buy you a lot of yachts, eh, John Henry?), is the THIRD most valuable team, behind Stanks ($1.85 billion) and Dodgers )$1.5 billion). I’m telling you, it’s all those damn trucker hats the Stanks sell.

The Sox were FOURTH highest in TV rankings… But see, no one actually had to watch us last year, with the media’s careful attention to September highlights…

Fun facts to know and tell-

Revenue $310 million
Operating Income: $25.4 million
Debt/Value: 24%
Player Expenses: $191 million
Gate Receipts: $180 million
Revenue per Fan: $69

Do you think they’ll  refund us our $69 from last year? I sure could use that money. I’d buy eggs.

Have you tweeted me yet? You should.

Speaking of Twitter, apparently, Red Sox Nation was baffled by an Aviles impersonator on Twitter…

PS- They’re trying to make me forget about Jason Varitek again, you guys. I feel as though we should all buy matching NEVER FOREGET bracelets. Who’s with me?

L

  1. March 22, 2012 at 7:33 am

    Ms. Soxy, I’m Convinced That EVERYTHING Happens ON PURPOSE.
    Otherwise, I Sincerely Doubt Half The Crap That Goes Down Ever Honestly Would Go Down.
    It’s A CONSPIRACY, Fo SHO!

    hehe
    Fo SHO INDEED!
    -BRAD

  2. March 22, 2012 at 7:38 pm

    Breathe.

    Breathe.

    Breathe.

    It’s still Spring.

  3. March 23, 2012 at 3:40 pm

    At leasst you’re not an Orioles fan like me. Can I have all of my money refunded for games I went to each of the last 10 years?

  4. March 25, 2012 at 11:38 pm

    What Section 36 said…but just in case, maybe they should give Lester his chicken back. Heck, maybe Lester needs the chicken. Long ago Europeans avoided eating tomatoes thinking they were poisonous when the fault lay not with the tomatoes but with the pewter plates the acidy food was consumed from (pewter + acid = lead poisoning). Maybe the chicken would have actually been beneficial were it not for a metaphorical pewter plate…John Lackey’s poisonous attitude perhaps?
    – Kristen

  5. March 26, 2012 at 7:26 pm

    Dear Lauren,

    Relax.

  6. Jup
    March 29, 2012 at 11:24 am

    I’ve got the design for those Never Forget bracelets just about done. Picture this… red sox Red band, a silhouette of Varitek’s famous glutes, the word “Never” on left derriere, “Forget” on the right.

    It will be glorious. We’ll sell millions.

  7. April 3, 2012 at 10:29 am

    I’m so glad baseball season is back. I have a feeling you’re going to achieve new levels of entertainment value this year. call it a hunch haha

    And at least you don’t have Ubaldo Jimenez. Unless you enjoy watching one of your starting pitchers start brawls… in spring training and then claiming it was an accident and having it be 87.65% believeable because he’s been that awful all the while the prospects you traded away have looked great. Man, I’m stoked!

  8. cybellekate
    April 4, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    It’s April 4th. Do you know where your Soxy is? Our new closer is getting surgery. He hasn’t even had the chance to close anything yet and he’s already broken. Somewhere Papelbon is laughing. A really stinky, snorty, unloyal kind of laugh. We have five starting Pitchers and one of them is Bard. Five starters. No closer. I want my bracelet. And I’m panicking.

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