Home > Uncategorized > He’s back, you guys! Andy Pettitte is back!

He’s back, you guys! Andy Pettitte is back!

PLEASE, baseball gods, let this be true. USA Today is reporting that… my FAVORITE Yankee player to watch of ALL time has mounted a comeback.

Nope. It’s not Joba (who you know fills me with giggle fits) or that humble stalwart Johnny Damon.

It’s not Grumps (aka: AJ Burnett, who you know I also adore).

Nor is it the scariest pirate of them all, MATSUI.

Oh no. MY favorite Yankee player to watch should undoubtedly be YOUR favorite Yankee player to watch.

He is, after all, the greatest Yankee player of all fricking time.

You heard me.

It’s ANDY PETTITTE.

Really, Andy? It’s been since 2010? I kind of thought you were hiding behind CC Sabathia’s Balloo belly…

Why is Andy Pettitte the GREATEST Yankee player of ALL fricking time, you ask? Why, because of THIS moment:

Pettitte is 39 which, as we have ALLLLLLL learned from media coverage of Tim Wakefield and Jason Varitek, is like Father Time. I am so happy you are back, Andy Pettitte, and I hope you continue to mouth curse words. Because the Andy Pettitte drinking game has NOT been the same without Andy Pettitte. Who’s YOUR favorite Yankee to watch? It’s Andy Pettitte, isn’t it?

In honor of Andy Pettitte, I have compiled a list of FAVORITE Andy Pettitte moments in recent history that DO NOT involve Jacoby. Could you imagine these links being watched to the tune of “Memory” from “Cats?” Thanks.

Those two days when you errored.

“If what I did was an error in judgment on my part, I apologize,” Pettitte cries. “I accept responsibility for those two days.”

Oh! That time you testified.

Oh! And that time you ratted out Clemens.

And that time when you ratted out Clemens, but he got indicted.

Longtime Clemens friend and teammate Andy Pettitte told congressional investigators that Clemens confided to him that he had used HGH. “I believe Andy has misheard” the conversation, Clemens responded. He said he had simply mentioned to Pettitte a TV show about three older men who used HGH to get back their quality of life.

Seriously? It’s been two years? I’m so glad that Roger Clemens has been in our lives so that I haven’t been able to miss you. My little heart would have bursted. Are you SURE he retired? Maybe he was on vacation…. Ahem-fromtesting-ahem….

L

Categories: Uncategorized Tags: ,
  1. March 16, 2012 at 3:20 pm | #1

    Oh. Joy. I Guess.
    That Should Actually Help The Sox Much More Than The Yanks hahahaha
    -BRAD

  2. March 16, 2012 at 4:46 pm | #2

    When I first saw the phrase “giggle fits,” I misread it as “giggle tits,” which made me think “How did she know my nickname for Joba “The Hutt” Chamberlain?”

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