Home > Uncategorized > Kevin Youkilis’ ultimate betrayal. Oh. And someone thinks Mike Aviles is interesting. WHY, Youk?! WHY?

Kevin Youkilis’ ultimate betrayal. Oh. And someone thinks Mike Aviles is interesting. WHY, Youk?! WHY?

It is 5:23. Apparently, I’m not good at floor sleeping. Everything is packed. Everything is in a box. Or stacked. Or piled. Or something. And the movers will be here in three hours. I’m supposed to go to work (last day! last day!) in 3.5 hours. 12 hours from that, I’m supposed to go to the bar. 12 hours from that, I drive to Raleigh to sign a lease. Monday- stuff arrives. Tuesday- Work starts. I think it’s only appropriate that I leave this place as stressed out as when I got here just over two years ago…

I’d love to sleep for an hour. And nothing puts me to sleep like the 11-12 offseason! I mean, Roy Oswalt: The Indecision! It’s like narcolepsy inducer. So, here are some news briefs. They’re more for me than you.

Yay! Jon Lester news! Jon Lester is in Fort Myers being a badass. I’m glad the media can finally get past Soxsplosion and actually report on something positive for a… oh.

Though he was named as one of the fried chicken-and-beer trio, Lester was among the first players to address the situation back in October. And now he is in camp, working hard, looking lean, and excited about the coming season.

OF COURSE. Can’t compliment you without a KFC throwback…

Apparently, he’s “setting an example” and already working with… wait for it… DICE-K!!!!

Rich Hill is coming back from Tommy John surgery. Remember when he broke?

This isn’t working. I’m not tired yet. Are you tired?

So, the Red Sox have their own plane. John Henry, you are rich. Why hasn’t this already happened?

Oh, look! An article on Mike Aviles. That’s new.

Red Sox fans likely will never forget their team’s epic collapse in 2011.

It was bad enough that Boston blew a nine-game lead on the Rays for the wild card in September, missing the playoffs. But there also were reports of pitchers Jon Lester, John Lackey and Josh Beckett drinking beer and eating fried chicken in the clubhouse during games. Terry Francona, the ultimate players’ manager, supposedly lost the team, and then his job. Wonder boy general manager Theo Epstein would leave town, too, off to the Cubs.

Seriously??? THAT is how you open a Mike Aviles article? Thanks for the reminder, champ. Thanks.

However, during the debacle, there was also a rebirth. For the first time in a long time, Red Sox infielder Mike Aviles, a 1999 Middletown graduate, felt wanted.

He’s not going to cry, is he?

“I think Boston did wonders for me in only a short period of time,” said Aviles, who will report next week to Boston’s spring training facility in Fort Myers, Fla. “I was grateful for the opportunity Kansas City gave me. I had to scratch and claw for every at-bat in Kansas City, and I had to in Boston, too. But in Boston, it just seemed like they wanted me to play when I did. That makes a person feel wanted.

“It got to a point in Kansas City that I did everything I could, but it wasn’t good enough. Coming to Boston was a blessing in disguise.”

Bored now.

Yawn.

Hey! It’s working!

I think I’ll actually be able to…. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

No.

NO.

NOOOO.

DAMN YOU, GOOGLE NEWS ALERTS! DAMN YOU.

This is supposed to be hush-hush and on the deep down-low, but you know us. It’s time to pop the bubbly because Kevin Youkilisand Tom Bradys sis, Julie, are engaged!

The happy couple, who spent Super Bowl week together with the Brady clan in Indy, got engaged “recently” after dating for at least a year, we’re told from a few F.O.Ys.

My feelings can best be expressed through the following clip:

I will NEVER go to sleep now. DAMNIT, Youkie.

Don’t put me through this AGAIN.

Maybe… Maybe it’s not serious. I mean, she lives in California, right?

In fact, the future Mrs. Youk, a schoolteacher, and her daughter, Jordan, 5, will move to Florida from California when the third baseman reports to spring training later this month.

NOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Seriously, Youk. What’s with you and Tom Brady’s sisters? First reports of NANCY. Now reports of JULIE? If my brother cried and botched games, would you love me? Because it can be arranged, sir. IT CAN BE ARRANGED.

Maybe this is a sleep-deprived nightmare.

Maybe I can forget about this.

Maybe…

DAMNIT.

I’m going to go take a shower since I’m never sleeping again.

I hate change.

~L

I will never love again.

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  1. Jup
    February 10, 2012 at 7:52 am

    When I heard the news about Youk, I figured I’d come by and check on you. How are you holding up? Don’t do anything drastic, it probably won’t last between them anyway.

    Good luck with the move and the new job!

    • February 10, 2012 at 9:03 am

      I mean. I’m doing okay. Listening to a lot of Celine Dion. You know. As long as I avoid the mirror where I lipsticked “I, Lauren, take you Kevin…” I think I’ll be able to function today in some capacity. Do you think this is because I don’t eat chicken?

  2. February 10, 2012 at 12:26 pm

    Does this mean Youk is going to go all-Gisele on somebody?

  3. February 11, 2012 at 10:33 am

    Heard the news, like Jup, wanted to see what your reactions were. Sure enough, soon after I heard the news, you have a post about it. I’m really sorry. I guess there’s a lesson learned here. Eve when Brady loses, he (or in this case, someone in his family) still wins.

  4. cybellekate
    February 11, 2012 at 5:36 pm

    Wait a minute, doesn’t Kevin have some long-standing fiancee with a fancy name I can’t remember and don’t they have a kid together?? Am I completely out of the Youk-loop? This kind of bodes well. It means he’s a serial committer. Maybe you just need to wait long enough and at some point you will be the girl left standing when the music stops. Sounds to me like he’s still playing the field. I really wanted to make some uber-clever baseball reference right there. Playing. Field. It was all there but I couldn’t do it. I’ve been up since 4a.m. There are no brain cells left that are willing to talk to me after making them get up that early. He hasn’t even met you yet. That’s why he keeps getting engaged to the wrong people but not getting married. He knows something is missing. He’d like to settle down but it just doesn’t feel right. YET. Take heart.

    • February 13, 2012 at 11:32 am

      She is so over. Her name was like Enza or something and she dated Ben Affleck. Maybe I’ll dump Kev for a rookie. Like Lavarnway. That’d teach him.

  5. February 23, 2012 at 5:39 pm

    I thought of you when I heard that news. I know…I’m way behind.

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