Home > Uncategorized > Of COURSE you did cocaine, “Oil Can.” Of COURSE you did.

Of COURSE you did cocaine, “Oil Can.” Of COURSE you did.

Cocaine. OF COURSE YOU DID, “Oil Can” Boyd. And yes, thanks, America- for making this relevant JUST as the beer stains and chicken grease were starting to fade. And THANK YOU, “Oil Can” Boyd, for your sudden AND SUPER RELEVANT, BY THE WAY, admission. Why the FRICK would you start word vomiting? Oh. OF COURSE. So blow, hmm? You sure?

“Oh yeah, at every ballpark,’’ he said. “There wasn’t one ballpark that I probably didn’t stay up all night, until four or five in the morning, and the same thing is still in your system. It’s not like you have time to go do it while in the game, which I had done that.

“Some of the best games I’ve ever, ever pitched in the major leagues I stayed up all night; I’d say two-thirds of them,’’ said Boyd. “If I had went to bed, I would have won 150 ballgames in the time span that I played. I feel like my career was cut short for a lot of reasons, but I wasn’t doing anything that hundreds of ballplayers weren’t doing at the time; because that’s how I learned it.

“It was something that I had to deal with personally and I succumbed. I lived through my life and I feel good about myself. I have no regrets about what I did or said about anything that I said or did. I’m a stand-up person and I came from a quality background of people.’’

Oh. Okay. So you were loaded. Awesome. Here’s my favorite part. Where he says he was ousted because of his color and not his nose candy.

“The reason I caught the deep end to it is because I’m black. The bottom line is the game carries a lot of bigotry, and that was an easy way for them to do it,’’ Boyd said.

REALLY?

Who are you anyway?

Wikipedia says you stopped playing because of blood clots in your arm. ARE YOU ACCUSING WIKIPEDIA OF LYING?

Seriously? That’s your REAL picture? And we didn’t know you were on blow?

See, I’ve heard of you, Boyd. But, since you stopped playing for the Sox about the time I turned five-years-old, I find you irrelevant and you give me this guy-under-a-bridge-vibe. I think it’s the facial hair. Could be the hat.

Is there a particular reason you are publishing this tell-all book, BOYD? Other than blow money?

This stuff really irritates me.

In feign-your-shock news, Roy Oswalt and Boston are still pretending to talk.

The Boston Red Sox have been talking to Roy Oswalt off and on this winter, but it doesn’t appear that a deal will be made.

Roy Oswalt, I’m going to try to say this WITHOUT rolling my eyes. WHATEVER.

Seriously. You’ve burned the Tigers. The Reds don’t give a frick. The Cards can’t put out. And you’re just standing there, shivering, naked without a team. Game plan, Roy. Whatcha going to do?

If you don’t decide soon, we have a Green Monstah outfit that looks about your size…

Seriously. Play for us. Don’t play for us. Dance a Papeljig off a dock into a shark sea. I don’t give a frick. Just please, please, please stop distracting my news alerts with your repetitive crap.

And ALWAYS wear a hat. Your head looks ridiculous.

~L

PS- Seriously! Someone did cocaine in the 80s????? Send out a full press alert.

  1. Paul Danahy
    February 9, 2012 at 11:41 am | #1

    The “can” had to open his mouth and confirm to us that he is as dumb as we always thought.

  2. February 9, 2012 at 2:45 pm | #2

    A ball player in the 80′s was on coke? This is news HOW???

    In other news, the sun came up this morning…more on that at 11.

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