Home > Uncategorized > Sox sign teenager. Benny C will do ANYTHING to keep beer out of the clubhouse.

Sox sign teenager. Benny C will do ANYTHING to keep beer out of the clubhouse.

What a ridiculous news day.

In a move that has this song in my head all day-

-Ben Cherington adopted a child for us. His name is Daniel McGrath and he’s 17. And now the Red Sox are his daddy.

DANIEL McGrath is 17. Yesterday he earned a $400,000 sign-on bonus after agreeing to a seven-year contract with the Boston Red Sox. Yes, the Boston Red Sox.

”It’s always been a dream of mine to play major leagues for the Boston Red Sox,” said Daniel, who used to watch games at the famed Fenway Park with his American-born mother, Dale.

”It’s a seven-year contract and hopefully I’ll be in the big league in that time. It’s just the start of the journey and I’m going to have to work really hard to make it,” he said.

Daniel McGrath. Hmmm. It’s the 5th highest $$$ signing out of the 435 Aussies signed to play. Don’t worry. He’ll “complete year 12″ before Soxing it to spring training next year. And, hey, maybe the beer store will start carding. So, there’s that.

Maybe that’s Benny’s plan. Import people who CAN’T buy beer for the clubhouse.

It doesn’t say how he got his super powers… but I think we all know where that 150 km/hr fastball pitch REALLY came from.

Do you think he’ll introduce us to Gary Busey?

In other news, Trot Nixon is heading this Hall of Fame class… but the REAL news is that he went to New Hanover High School in Wilmington. Did YOU know that? I’ve been there like, a bazillion times. It’s the high school that every movie/tv show uses when they film in North Carolina- a high school I became acquainted with during my actor days. And, apparently, Trot Nixon could have been in the same town. You’d think that someone would have told me.

Oh! Oh! Oh! But there’s more news!

Giving us yet another reason to roll our eyes at New York, Mayor Bloomberg called Boston “Loserville.” Really. Mr. Bloomberg, do you know what comeuppins are? Because they’re comeuppining in April. Loserville? Really? Tim Thomas? Are you going to stand for that? I’ll be checking Facebok later for your statement.

I will remember this, Mr. Bloomberg, and I will rub your snotty little New York nose in it on behalf of all New England (just don’t cry again, Tom Brady) in April. Seriously, footballians, stop crying. How many rings does New England have? Honestly. You’d think you were Michelle Kwan. And a silver medal isn’t THAT bad.

And stop. STOP. Pulling baseball fans into your web of depression with whiny reminders like:

If only Wes Welker caught the ball. If he had, the city of Boston would still be sweeping up the confetti and Tom Brady would be resting comfortably in the pantheon of football greats. We’d still think Giselle Bundchen was charming and we’d be practicing dance moves to imitate Rob Gronkowski’s postgame partying. Eric Wilbur would be living a peaceful life.

Sound familiar? Sure does. In fact, it sounds a lot like last September.

SHUT. UP. Seriously, New England. You WON the Sandwich Monday Contest. Who NEEDS the Super Bowl?

Arbitration has been scheduled for Papi. Here’s to hoping it’s quick and painless!

I’m not the only one, btw, who rolled my eyes at Dan Shaughnessy yesterday. Our friends at Fenway West also voiced their whatevers at ya, Dan.

Speaking of rolling our eyes, the Roy Oswalt drama continues. And my eyes? They’re still rolling. You’d think they’d get tired.

So, kiddies, what do you think? Teenagers. Papi. Roy Oswalt. I’d like to hear your thoughts of the whole mess that is the Red Sox offseason.

~L

  1. sirrahh
    February 8, 2012 at 12:17 pm | #1

    I was actually at Comiskey Park in Chicago when they filmed a couple scenes from “Rookie of the Year.” When the Cubs play the Mets in the playoffs (impossible since they were both in the NL East at the time–but it is just a movie), there was apparently no budget for New York shooting, so the South Side of Chicago did the trick instead.

  2. February 8, 2012 at 2:12 pm | #2

    “Comeuppining” has to be the best word I’ve seen all year.

  3. Paul Danahy
    February 8, 2012 at 4:49 pm | #3

    “Loserville”???? Was wodering how that phrase popped into his mind.It must have been when the Stanks made their early exit from the post season.I say that because I’m sure he’s forgotten that 4 game stretch in the fall of 2004 !

  4. Paul Danahy
    February 8, 2012 at 4:54 pm | #4

    “Loserville”????? I was wondering where that phrase popped into hi silly little mind.I think it might have been last fall when the “Stanks” made an early exit from the postseason.I say that because i”m sure he’s forgotten that 4 game stretch back in October of 2004 !

  5. February 9, 2012 at 2:15 am | #5

    Do me a favor, don’t call me Rocket anymore. And..what the hell is a km???
    –Mike

  6. February 9, 2012 at 1:45 pm | #6

    Do you have a twitter account?

  7. cybellekate
    February 9, 2012 at 3:20 pm | #8

    On the whole NY vs. Boston thing, New York has everything, that Boston didn’t want. The stench, the crime, the noise, the mindboggling egos, etc. etc. Etc.

  8. S. D. Horne
    February 9, 2012 at 9:27 pm | #9

    Come on, guys. I live in the same town as this kid (although, I’m not from here. I’m from a town that shares the closest thing to a Boston/New York rivalry with Melbourne in Aus). Most of the time, real bad players get shipped off to Pittsburgh just so the scout here can fill his ‘Pacific region’ quota. I’m just plain stoked that one of the better prospects from down here has signed to the greatest team in professional sports. Jon Deeble hasn’t picked up any kids from here for a while. (Oh, and, I’m slightly ashamed at the whole km/h business. Sometimes people don’t understand that the metric system should stay out of certain aspects of life).

    And what sucks for him, he’ll go from being able to buy beer for everyone here to not being able to for three years. Somehow I think he’ll enjoy summer back home…

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