Home > Uncategorized > The quest for Nomahhhh. Oh, and Vicente might shoot us. With a gun.

The quest for Nomahhhh. Oh, and Vicente might shoot us. With a gun.

The quest for a new Nomahhhhhh-

It’s dominating the painnnnnnfffulllllyyyyyy boring headlines (if you can call them that) of Sox nation today, as we mourn the passing of Scutaro and quirk our confuzzled eyes at our roster. Seriously. Boston short stop=Spinal Tap drummer.

The kryptonite Nomar Garciaparra left behind when he was traded in mid-2004 has lost none of its potency in 71⁄2 years. Saturday night’s trade of shortstop Marco Scutaro to the Colorado Rockies for $6 million in salary relief — and, don’t forget, pitcher Clayton Mortensen — once again put the spotlight on the Sox’ curiously consistent inability to groom Nomar’s heir.

Other than giving the Herald’s Michael Silverman‘s inner child the chance to use words like “kryptonite,” not much is new.

That’s kind of the story of this off season: Nothing new, folks. Enjoy the cheese plate.

Nick Punto and Mike Aviles are going to tag team shortstop. So. Um. Apparently it takes two to make one Nomar. I hope it’s like those two guys in the Mighty Ducks. Remember the bash brothers? But with less time in the penalty box? Maybe it will be like Batman and Robin. I kind of think Mike is going to be Robin. I’d like to make a Captain Planet reference here, but I’m just not up to it today.

Does it really take TWO players to equal Marco Scutaro? I mean… I dig the Scut, really I do… but the math is fuzzy for me. Is it fuzzy for you? I get the why. Really, I do. But I still don’t understand the math. I don’t understand why we couldn’t unlock Lackey. Or Dice-K. Or a plethora of other money sucking black holes. And I really, really, really don’t understand why we care about luxury taxes. Or taxes in general. Aren’t our wallets supposed to be endless? Maybe you could sell your yacht, John Henry.

—-

Speaking of strange purchases, Detroit wants Johnny Damon. And Roy Oswalt (who, undoubtedly, they will buy. I have no faith in Sox’s shopping department right now). Fascinating.

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In other news, Josh Beckett is listed as the #25 “biggest hothead” in sports. Well. He is pretty hot. I don’t think his hotness is confined to his head…

Newly acquired Vicente Padilla (oh goody) is also on the list- number 19.

Red Sox pitcher Vicente Padilla never met a batter he didn’t want to hit with a baseball; he’s pegged an impressive 106 batters in his career so far.

Vicente, do you take requests?

He also apparently shot himself- accidentally- in 2009. Oh, goody.

A nasty temper and a deadly weapon are an excellent combination.

Oh. This is funny. Apparently he nailed Mark Teixera in consecutive at-bats in 2009.

Does Vicente remind you of anyone?

Good job with the bargain binning, Benny C.

No Yankees made the hothead list. And no Kevin Greggs either.

—-

In other news, Doug Mirabelli isn’t even PLAYING and he’s winning. So maybe we should snatch him up too. Why the frick not? Dougie, want to come home?

And, if you want to sigh an audible awwwwww at work today, read this.

~L

  1. Jup
    January 23, 2012 at 1:28 pm

    I vote for bringing Dougie home. The Sox should do SOMETHING to make me happy, considering I attended 18 games last year. Do you know how much of my money they took? I want a say in where it goes.

    Nick Punto and Mike Aviles are nice, but combined, they do not equal Nomar OR Scut. SS is going to terrify me if they don’t rectify this.

  2. January 23, 2012 at 3:52 pm

    Make a trade for Hanley

  3. FireDannyAinge
    January 23, 2012 at 5:28 pm

    I second the bring back Dougie bandwagin. I always loved him.

    Nomar is dead to me.

    Hanely is Manny in disguise. Doesn’t like to work hard. Listen to his manager. No thanks. HUGE Talent but no more Mannies.

    I guess I like this new pitcher now.lol

  4. January 24, 2012 at 8:15 am

    Just So You’re Aware, Ms. Soxy…
    …Scutaro WAS My Favorite Current Sox Player :(
    Now I Have Really ZERO Reason of Paying Attention to them hehehe
    I’ve been watchin’ Scutaro in The Bigs since His OAKLAND Days.
    Oh Well, I Suppose.
    They Keep Saying “That’s Just Part Of The Game.”
    And It Is, sometimes…
    …but sometimes, it just seems like a STUPID/SILLY Part Of The Game.
    Your BoSOX Are SUPER DUPER Lucky They Picked Up Punto, tho.
    His Defense Is NICE.
    But Scutaro Had His D AND He Was NOT A Man Who Struck-Out Often.
    I Find Hitters That HIT-TO-CONTACT To Be VERY VERY Valuable.
    Good Luck To Your Boys, Ms. Soxy.
    I Think They’re Gonna Need ALL-OF-IT They Can Muster ;)
    -BRADLEY

  5. January 24, 2012 at 8:18 am

    Garciaparra’s replacement? Yeah, that’s not happening, and wasn’t going to happen with Scutaro. Personally, I have no opinions on that trade.

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