Home > Uncategorized > Damn you, Stanks!!!!! That was OUR Osakan!

Damn you, Stanks!!!!! That was OUR Osakan!

With puff-chesty vengeance, the Stankees stole OUR Osakan last night. Hiroki Kuroda is officially in pinstripes. And we’re officially stagnant, party of one.

Seriously. I was feeling a keen sense of camaraderie with the stripeys. They’re doing a fat load of nothing this offseason. We’re doing a fat load of nothing this offseason. I thought maybe, possibly, we could put this stanktastic rivalry aside and be friends. Buds. Mates. Play chess on the weekends. But NOOOOOOOOO. You had to stick your chest out and steal OUR Osakan. Don’t say I didn’t try, Hal.

Clearly, this means war.

Not roll-over and stay stagnant, BEN. That’s NOT the way we do things in Boston.

WAR.

Now take out your checkbook. We KNOWWWWW they gave you a checkbook. You aren’t fooling ANYONE with your bargain binning, Benny C.

Helping you out. Weapon of choice.

Fix this, Ben Cherington. Fix. This. NOW. It’s time to stop shopping off the rack.

You might have to muss up your suit for this.

Watch Texas. TEXAS KNOWS HOW TO PLAY.

In other news, the internet is a-buzz with the happy/confusing/conflicting news that Tekky could be back- news I reported with a mixture of glee and confusion last night.

Jason Varitek would make a move. Jason Varitek would make a big move.

I nominate Jason Varitek for GM.

~L

  1. Paul Danahy
    January 14, 2012 at 12:19 pm | #1

    We can count on Ben to scour the hospital wards for some pitching talent to counter the stankeys.Maybe even a nursing home or two !

  2. January 14, 2012 at 12:44 pm | #2

    I would imagine that there’s a reason there was lukewarm interest, at best, in Kuroda. He’s 36, and didn’t have great numbers last year considering the division he was in. So, it’s another case of the national media needing to report on the Yankees somehow, and finding a reason. They can have him.

    Now, if Ben wants to counter by trading for King Felix, I wouldn’t object.

    • January 14, 2012 at 12:47 pm | #3

      I’m just tired of reading about other teams buying people!!!! When are we going to go shopping, S36? At this rate, we’ll never have a prom dress!

      • January 14, 2012 at 10:43 pm | #4

        We got our dresses last year, and they still fit. Perhaps you forgot the $300 million we spent on wonderfull dresses. The kind you look really good in. Seriously, what are we shopping for? A fifth starter? A right fielder? We weren’t getting a big name for either of those.

  3. January 16, 2012 at 12:17 pm | #5

    Other that getting your Poupon to close for us, the Phillies really haven’t been that active either. We’re all set to lose more playoff games 3-2 and 2-1 all over again. Yeah!

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