Bobby V racks up frequent flyer miles. Oh, and people think we’re unhuggable.
Bobby Valentine, ever the jet setter, is delivering the snark in person this weekend to chicken-lovers-anonymous, aka: Josh Beckett and Carl Crawford. Anyone else wish they’d bring a camera crew?
Josh Beckett and Bobby V are going to sit over whatever Texas’ equivalent of tea and crumpets is (DO NOT SAY BEER AND CHICKEN) and have a heart to heart bonding session. Maybe do eachother’s nails. Hug it out. Play nice, Josh. You’re a role model now.
And then Bobby V is going to play therapist to our sappy fixer-upper, Carl Crawford.
Will be a grand old time, I’m sure.
“There is no, from what I gather, any adversarial relationship with either situation. I just want to talk to Carl about his plan for next year,” Valentine said. “Talking to [Dustin] Pedroia, who has had a couple of text messages with him, Carl is working his butt off and doing everything he can to put up and make people shut up, and that’s all I’m asking.”
Put up and shut up. I like that. But, coming from Dusty, aka- The Euphemizer… it’s hard to tell what’s really going on in Carl’s brain. No, I think (and from reading all those journal entries to fans) that Carl’s a good guy. Contrite. Sad. I mean, it’s hard not to feel sorry for him when you look at that cap-down photo from September. Well, and then you look at the score. And the cash you’ve shoveled at him. You know what? It’s actually easy not to feel sorry for him…
This year aside, remember how awesome it felt to nab Carl? I remember where I was when I learned we nabbed Crawford. It’s easy, really, because I was right here. At my office. Where I always am…
But it felt great.
Everybody has an off year. Right? Right? Let’s say 2011 was his. Let’s start over you and me, Crawdad, k? I’m giving you one more chance. Don’t screw it up. And Bobby V- please don’t make him cry. He can’t see through the tears and we kind of need him to see to knock balls out of the park.
Bobby V sounds like a smart guy. Oh. Oh wait.
“All of a sudden we went from the cupboard being bare to a cupboard that’s plentiful and we’re all excited about.”
Seriously???? This is a cupboard that’s plentiful? Have you SEEN our rotation? It’s like having a cupboard with NO macaroni and cheese and THAT is unacceptable!!! What will the children eat, Bobby????
Oh. Right. Daniel Bard. Blahblahblah. Oh, I’m sorry. That’s just the “MISTAAAAKE” chorus playing in my head.
While the plan is for the Red Sox to put Bard into the rotation, Valentine said that it is not guaranteed. He told Bard if the move to become a starter falters, “be ready for plan 1A and that would be where you’ve been the last couple of years. He was fine with that and so am I.”
I’m fine with that too! Let’s just do that!
Okay. I’ll give you a chance, Daniel Bard. But just ONE.
Alfredo Aceves, I trust and love you.
In other news, The Bleacher Report says we’re going to fail in 2012. Which is fine by me because remember how everyone’s predictions panned out last year…
The psychological effect from last season’s demise will likely result in a carryover of bad feelings into spring training. Returning players will meet again, and there may be some hard feelings toward one another.
Hmmm…. hard feelings.
Hmmmm. Bleacher Report has a point. I mean, I used to be in this… um… let’s just call it a Greek organization… in college… and… um…
DON’T JUDGE ME.
Yeah, so anyway, there was this one retreat where there was all this fighting. I don’t really want to get into semantics (it may have been about a boy), but it was like full on war with hairspray nukes, right?
Anyway, thought we’d never get the band together. And then we had this pow-wow retreat, right? I’m not going to go into it. There were candles. Oh. And a feelings discussion. And then we just hugged it out. And now we’re okay. Um. On Facebook.
Maybe that’s what the Red Sox should do. Have a retreat (NOT ON A YACHT). Talk it out (NOT OVER CHICKEN). Hug it out.
Maybe Bobby V could resign someone with the specific intent of being the team hugger. Hmmm… who could fit that bill… hmmm…
GOING TO HAPPEN. Right, Nick Cafardo?
The world’s just full of haters today.
Oh look. We got first in something. Damnit.
Here’s to hoping Bailey wasn’t our last big move. In addition to the pitching holes, it would be nice to get an outfielder. And BR and I have a suggestion…
Seriously, why haven’t you “followed” me? And you NEVER talk to me on TWITTER. Am I not tweetable enough for you? Hmm?
Read THIS. It will make you happy.