Home > Sox Game Recaps > Popularity is tough, guys.

Popularity is tough, guys.

“We’re not playing good,” Pedroia said.

The good news. It can’t get any worse.

TODAY.

There’s no WAY we can lose.

TODAY.

Sigh.

My mother always said that when people talk about you, it’s a sign of your popularity. Like that time on the soccer team when two girls stepped on my face with cleats and I lost consciousness for four minutes and people talked about me. Oh, or the time when, in Powder Puff football in 11th grade, I got slapped by this bitch named Lisa. And the time I handcuffed myself to a cafeteria bench in protest of the no spaghetti straps rule and security had to use a hand saw to apprehend me. People used to talk about me a lot. I was so popular. It doesn’t matter if they’re talking about how pretty you are when you fall down the stairs or how many ribs you broke. Talking about you=popularity. Because that’s what my mother says.

The Red Sox are SO popular.

I mean, there are the usual suspects, the Boston Herald:

Feel free to throw up your hands, because it’s one thing when you’ve got no chance to win. It’s another when you’ve got exactly the guys you want on the mound and things still don’t go your way.

And don’t forget ESPN! Muck. Ah… drama. You can tell this guy’s working on a novel in his basement in his spare time.

It is unproductive to ruminate on the circumstances that have left them mired in the kind of muck that swallows faltering baseball clubs. Their mantra going forward in these final, angst-ridden days, we were informed, is to silence the “outside noises.”

Good luck with that.

The Baltimore Sun. This guy is smart. You can tell by his condescension:

If you’re wondering why the Orioles are suddenly beating up on the best teams in the American League, it isn’t all that hard to figure out. Their late-season resurgence is not a replay of last year’s miracle rally, which was spurred by new leadership and the physical rebound of some key players, but the backlash from the season-long intensity gap between the AL contenders and it’s chief pretender.

The New York Post. Simple. To the point. Lovely:

The Red Sox played their final regular-season game of the season at Fenway Park last night. Given the way they’ve been playing lately, their next one may not come until April.

The Telegram. This guy clearly writes haiku on the weekend:

Watching the Red Sox fade into baseball oblivion this month has not been mind-boggling, it has been mind-altering. It’s like walking down the street and seeing a man 12 feet tall get out of a car, or checking the thermometer at noon and finding out the temperature on the back deck is 127 degrees.

The Sentinel. Heartfelt. Sigh:

The heartfelt round of booing that followed the third consecutive groundout in the bottom of the ninth of last night’s 6-4 loss to the Orioles was the sound the Red Sox richly deserved to hear as they slowly gathered their equipment and headed back to their clubhouse.

Oh- and here’s a piece about Cashman using Epstein as an example… It’s meant to be ironic, see.

Oh, look! We made the Business Insider:

The Boston Red Sox have spent the better part of a week trying to acquire New York Mets lefty Chris Capuano.

The Mets said no…

To give you an idea of how desperate the Boston GM Theo Epstein has become, Capuano wouldn’t even be eligible to make the Sox’s playoff roster. So it’d be a one-week rental.

Even random people from Connecticut that no one cares about are talking about us:

I don’t know what I enjoy more: the Red Sox current free fall that has them barely clinging to a playoff berth (yeah, I know the Yankees did Boston a favor by sweeping Tampa Bay yesterday, but I digress) or the way people freak when Facebook inevitably makes one of its unannounced, unilateral changes.

And even Cleveland fans are talking about us. See?

And there are only like a hundred thousand other blogs with a hundred thousand other authors. Not talking about Michael Jackson. Or Steve Jobbs. Or Barack Obama. Or the economy. They are talking about US.

It’s power, really. And that’s how we should look at it. So. When we turn things around tomorrow and start this streak of victory. Streak of dreams. Streak of JUSTICE. We’ll influence the masses with the dramatic conclusion of our turnaround. I can see it now.

The score: 1-0, Stankees. Dust. Settles on the field. Terry Francona rises from the dugout. Is there no one else, he shouts? Arms raised. No one else?

And then, from the mists of the baseball dirt, he shall rise. Kevin Youkilis shall come with a shiny new uniform. Oh! Oh! And a new hip! Standing like a stalwart… um… stalwart standing thing. Giraffes are kind of stalwart (except when they are eating). And mouths will be agape. And Derek Jeter will have to fan himself. Because the manhood Youkilis will exude will be THAT hot. And he shall take the bat (Youkie, not Jeter). Swing it. And GRAND SLAM….. And we win….

And the Yankees. They’ll cry and cry and say, “but we helped you! We beat Tampa for you! Show us mercy,” that’s what Jorge Posada will shout.

And David Ortiz will shake his great head and say…

“There is no mercy here.”

And Nick Swisher will have tears that will roll down his face. Roll, I say. And there will be puddles. All over the field. With Yankee tears. And then Kevin Gregg will join them. Because, at that point, Tampa and New York, it’s all the same.

And then Boston will take the post season by storm. And not like, a piddly storm. Like a debilitating, disaster-relief-required kind of storm.

And then, when it’s Philadelphia and Boston in the World Series, ESPN will be like, “I’m sorry, Boston. Forgive us. Forgive us all.”

And David Ortiz will shake his mighty head. And he shall say, “There is no mercy here.”

And then, when we win the World Series, we shall drink champagne. PINK champagne. And eat those expensive soda crackers from the gourmet food section of the grocery store. And expensive cheese. The hard white kind. And Joe Maddon will be like, can I just taste the cheese? And Dustin Pedroia will be like, “No cheese for you.”

And David Ortiz will shake his mighty head. And he shall say, “There is no mercy here.”

And then, our victory story will be so powerful that it inspires tv movies. And a musical. Oh, and a child into becoming a doctor or something. And then that doctor will save like, a bus full of children. And it will all be thanks to that moment. That moment on September 23. That moment that the Red Sox decided to throw strikes and hit balls and make proactive decisions and to neeeeevvvveerrrr let John Lackey pitch evvveerrrrr again.

You’ll see. You’ll all see.

In other news, Manny Ramirez is NOT going to be bringing his powers to the Dominican Republic. The wrath of Bud Selig is great.

An MLB official confirmed that since Ramirez has unresolved MLB drug-program violations and the Dominican winter league is affiliated with MLB, commissioner Bud Selig’s office considers him ineligible to play in the league.

So. Winning. We’re going to do that tomorrow.

So. How’s your day?

~L

Here. Click this. It kind of made me smile. Like. Um. A little.

Categories: Sox Game Recaps
  1. September 22, 2011 at 2:28 pm | #1

    the next 7 days are going to be a total blast… i can’t wait haha

  2. September 22, 2011 at 2:32 pm | #2

    We’re going to win. I’ve decided. So. No one needs to waste any more time worrying. Win. Done.

  3. cybellekate
    September 22, 2011 at 2:53 pm | #3

    Maybe I’m protesting too much but I wanted to be ALE champs and get to the playoffs the old-fashioned way. If the Wild Card standings were a rock I would walk over to it and kick it. I am cranky because the words “Wild Card” tick me off. Also my right wrist is in a soft cast and typing with my left hand makes pout and feel like kicking things. Like Yankees. Smug, gloating, self-absorbed Yankees. I did/could not root for them. I distracted myself by being appalled by the Angels surge. Is it the Angels who are surging? One of those damn California teams that start with an A. (I amused myself last night while not sleeping by counting how many bb teams they have in CA. Why do they have so many? And why does one of them have to be surging?) Well, (deep, weary sigh the size of a mountain) I will try to decide that we will win tomorrow, too. I know, as Yoda said, “do or do not, there is no try,” so I WILL decide that we WILL win tomorrow. Maybe it will be like when Tinkerbell “died” and we all clapped our hands to bring her back.

  4. Jup
    September 22, 2011 at 3:21 pm | #4

    I do hope you’re right about the win. I want you to be right about it, so you must be

  5. September 22, 2011 at 4:09 pm | #5

    I just devoted a post to y’all in Red Sox Nation. Now you can rest easy. It’s done. Welcome to the post…season.

  6. cybellekate
    September 22, 2011 at 5:17 pm | #6

    Yeah, booing Sox “fans!” Don’t let the terrorosts win!!! >:-(

  7. cybellekate
    September 22, 2011 at 5:27 pm | #7

    Apparently Russell Martin “hates” the Sox. Where do I start…….

    • FireDannyAinge
      September 22, 2011 at 7:51 pm | #8

      Call him Kareem Garcia.

      Any no name Yankee player that has to run their mouth like that Cervilli guy and this asshat will be forever called Kareem Garcia from here on in.

      Thank you Pedro!

  8. September 22, 2011 at 7:22 pm | #9

    Not that it matters, but to be accurate, it could get worse today. The Rays and Angels could win.

    But, it doesn’t matter because the Sox will make the playoffs. Given the choice between slumping in September or October, I will pick September every single time.

  9. FireDannyAinge
    September 22, 2011 at 7:38 pm | #10

    I can’t get wordpress to work for me that is why I have been missing in action. I had to reload 10 times to get this to work.

    You have no clue how badly it was killing me yesterday to not be able to be here. It wouldn’t work at all yesterday.

    Hopefully I can post this. The only way I got here is clicking right. Not sure this will work.

  10. September 22, 2011 at 10:18 pm | #11

    i just got off work and saw the tampa score. the old lauren would be irritated. the new lauren just feels sorry for them because it will hurt worse when they fall. on their snotty little sort-of-bearded IDIOTic faces.

  11. September 22, 2011 at 10:45 pm | #12

    It’s okay. I fixed it. We’re winning tomorrow. If I didn’t tell you that already. It’s right there in what I just posted. YOU ARE WELCOME, Red Sox Nation. No need to thank me. Unless you want to. I like FRUIT BASKETS.

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