Home > Sox Game Recaps > That day Daniel Bard ruined Tim Wakefield Day.

That day Daniel Bard ruined Tim Wakefield Day.

For a while, it was little more than an oddity. But increasingly, it has become an alarming pattern with Daniel Bard, a reliever who is amidst one of the worst stretches of his career.

Daniel Bard. I was watching. Here. Silently. In my office. I was on the phone with a senator, Daniel Bard. A SENATOR. But I watched. I watched. I did that for YOU. And then you…

And I…

The gasp… it was audible. Awkward. And I couldn’t breathe. I did this choking thing.

You know all about choking.

The oxygen left my brain and I blanked out for like five seconds. While a senator had to ask me if I was okay.

What we all need to ask is

ARE YOU OKAY, DANIEL BARD?

ARE YOU????

Hopefully you can’t answer. Because you are in a corner. Thinking about WHAT YOU DID.

Do you know what you did, Daniel Bard? DO YOU?

Did you see that e-mail I got earlier? Did you see how I defended YOU? I defended ALL OF YOU.

And Lackey. LACKEY is the sloth. He’s the guy that gives us the aneurysm cringe. And now he’s whistling in the dugout because he has that haughty knowledge that, for once, all eyes are on you. All squinty, critical, cocky, no good Johnny Damon touting eyes are on you and…

Do you see how I am not making sense right now, Daniel Bard???? Do you see this?

And…

CURT YOUNG. CURT FRICKING YOUNG. This is your fault too. And Tito. Your fault.

And this is also my coworker’s fault. That Detroit Tiger’s fan. The guy who is talking right now.

“Toronto? You let Toronto walk over you?”

“I will destroy you,” I say. “I have THREE dry erase boards at my disposal (true story) and I will DESTROY you in marker cartoons.”

“What you should have is a Justin Verlander voodoo doll,” he says.

“It is 5:03. Don’t you have places to be?”

Jeff and I are going to have an epic office war. If, that is, we ever SEE Detroit in the playoffs.

It is supposed to be Tim Wakefield Day. We are supposed to be on a 200 high. A TWO HUNDRED HIGH.

I… I…

I can’t…

Here. Read this. It will distract you. It’s about Manny Ramirez being a wash out.

“Oh. Detroit scored another ruuuuuun,” Jeff said.

“SHUT UP. I have pink post-its and I am NOT afraid to use them.”

Was just. Um. Reprimanded for hurling post-it notes across office.

THAT is your fault TOO, Daniel Bard.

L

And Gonz left the game with MUSCLE tightness?

FROM WHAT? Your quiet walk to first????

Oh. You got a home run. Oh. I. Um. Didn’t see that.

And Carl Crawford? HIT SOMETHING.

I can’t look at any of you. ANY OF YOU.

Come on, Kevin Youkilis. Let’s go home.

Alex Rodriguez and Cameron Diaz broke up. But I will still avoid her movies. Because they are bad.

DAMNIT DANIEL BARD.

About these ads
Categories: Sox Game Recaps
  1. thegreatdepressive
    September 14, 2011 at 5:19 pm

    I thought I’d make an appearance and mention that the Pirates lost 3-2 today. That’s the 82nd loss of the season. THE STREAK LIVES!

  2. FireDannyAinge
    September 14, 2011 at 5:42 pm

    You are so right. Even that dumb PTI show made fun of us because we lost.

    Good news the Bruins signed Brad Marchand.

    At least old man didn’t ruin his actual win.

  3. September 14, 2011 at 6:46 pm

    Jar of Hearts was playing on the radio on my way home just now. And I was totally using my gingerale as a microphone and belting against my steering wheel. It was cathartic. For like fifteen seconds.

    • FireDannyAinge
      September 14, 2011 at 7:11 pm

      It always shows up at these times.

      • September 14, 2011 at 7:13 pm

        I am going to play Fiona Apple and clean.

  4. September 14, 2011 at 7:37 pm

    I could almost handle it if Bard was just ineffective. But, he’s just plain awful lately.

  5. FireDannyAinge
    September 14, 2011 at 10:48 pm

    Thanks Orioles. They beat Tampa again.

    • September 14, 2011 at 10:54 pm

      Go Orioles! Ew. I feel dirty.

  6. September 15, 2011 at 9:29 am

    I love Jar Of Hearts.

  7. September 15, 2011 at 9:34 am

    Here’s to hoping more pain is not in your immediate future. If they blow this, they will surpass the ’07 and ’08 Mets in the FAIL Department. As for Cameron Diaz… am I alone in thinking she looks like a man?
    –Jeff

  8. September 15, 2011 at 10:59 am

    No. She looks like a man. Why is she in movies and not me? Probably because she is willing to date Alex Rodriguez.

  9. September 15, 2011 at 2:20 pm

    I love this part “Because if you don’t have something that connects you to people in a passionate way- something you can feel this way about… well, then I feel sorry for you. Because that’s not “supah” at all. That’s just sad. And it could be worse. I could be on heroin.”
    .
    GO us Fans! I have to explain my love of the Dodgers to some so called Dodger fans and none fans that tell me “Why are you going to games, to support McCourt….” I go to support the players like Kershaw, Kemp and rookies like Javy Guerra, Kenley Jasen. Is what I like to do, is what gives me pleasure. Why should I let the ownership interfere with MY enjoyment of the game and the Dodgers? Aghh they don’t understand…but we understand each other here. Is one of the reason I love the Blogsphere, we all share a true love of baseball.
    .
    Love the “Too Soxy for my shirt” lol.
    Thanks for posting in my blog! -Emma

    • September 16, 2011 at 12:46 am

      Thanks for reading! Come back soon! Yes, Emma. No one understands. No one. I feel sorry for the world.

  1. No trackbacks yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 259 other followers

%d bloggers like this: