Home > Drunken Live Blogging > That time we stranded sixteen and it sucked. But at least Joe Girardi got axed.

That time we stranded sixteen and it sucked. But at least Joe Girardi got axed.

Yes. So. I have caught bits and pieces. I caught the fifth inning. I caught the sixth inning. I was heavily entertained by the seventh inning. And I am catching the eighth inning.

I SAW IT ALL, John Lackey.

ALL.

Don’t think I didn’t.

Don’t think I didn’t see that slothtastic defense to Balloo.

Blah.

This is a painful. Painful. Screechtastic game.

Bad day. And John Lackey. Bad day. And John Lackey. And… Gardner gets there.

WHATEVER.

And Adrian Gonzalez- I saw you force a Pedroia catch. A Pedroia catch that meant a single. I saw that.

JUST BECAUSE I AM NOT ALWAYS LIVE BLOGGING DOES NOT MEAN I AM NOT WATCHING ALL OF YOU.

I will be live blogging tomorrow. Best believe. ONLY night off. ONLY opportunity to see a Red Sox game.

Best believe I will be on here. Watching your whole excruciating mess, A-Gonz. What happened to you?

“Adrian Gonzalez, only member of the Red Sox not to have a hit tonight.”

Thanks, announcer Jackass.

What the frick.

What the frick?????

—-

On a happy note, Papi, I sure am glad to see you.

Grandersnot, not so much.

—-

As for the seventh inning, sadly, that was the only part of the game to make me smile. Ahhhhhh… the sound of an evening bench clearing…

Watched that part with a coworker. A coworker who is a nonbaseballist. If it had been a real Stank fight, I bet he would have been entertained.

Rally noises. I don’t like this.

8th inning over. 9th. Blah.

I saw the scariest movie I have ever seen yesterday. It was called Frozen. Don’t watch it if you are afraid of being cold.

I also saw “Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are undead” which was delightful.

You know what is NOT delightful? This fricking game.

—-

Stupid football. STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOTBALL. THIS IS A RED SOX GAME.

—-

Alfredo Aceves. The “new” pitcher? Really, announcer? New?

Alfredo is an old Red Sox soul. I mean, I hated him for like seven minutes that one time, but we have since reunited in a storm of passionate mushiness. Jimmy Fund guy. Okay. You’re a golfer. Okay. Interesting thirty second flashback, guys.

Derek Jeter. He is old. You should be able to waste him, Aceves.

Pedroia picks it and throws out Jeter.

Yeah. But Jeter is like baseball undead. So that doesn’t count.

Got to step it up, kiddies.

Especially if we are going to happy rally it.

We are going to happy rally it, right? 2 down in the 9th. Curtis Grandersnot at the bat. He reminds me of the guy from Psych. Except evil.

Fly ball… which we shall catch… YES. Thank you, Crawford. And thank YOU, Aceves. Lackey, are you watching? I’m sure Aceves will stay after class and show you in great detail HOW TO WIN A BASEBALL GAME. Damn.

—-

Hi, boys. This- this is what is called your LAST FRICKING CHANCE. As in LAST. You know. Until tomorrow. So, um… let’s um…

14 men were left on base. FOURTEEN. Let’s just repeat that figure again. FOURTEEN. You stranded FOURTEEN MEN. That is almost double the amount of BASES.

Boys. Boys. Boys.

Ortiz takes strike one. Oh, he took it. On purpose, I’m sure.

One and one.

Okay. Attaboy. Glare. Do the Ortiz glare. On the ground at first- fair ball! “Swisher couldn’t get to the ball that quickly.”

Okay. I’m not arguing. But if I were a Stank fan, I would be out of my chair. You can’t outrun Ortiz? I love you for that, Nick Swisher. You know, for the comedy it injects into my life.

Jed Lowrie. Oh. It’s you.

Jimmyfund.org.

I love telethons.

No, really. I am not even being sarcastic. I LOVE them. And I am a huge fan of all things jimmyfund.org.

David Ortiz is on second. I just think that’s so fricking swell.

Jed Lowrie. Do your job. Strike three. REALLY????? Umpire? Angel Hernandez, is that you? Because that call stinks of failure. I am not a Lowrie fan, but that call was the ultimate in poo.

Pootastic, even. LIKE THIS WHOLE GAME.

Okay. Crawford. My new friend. Hi.

“Let’s do this,” enthusiastic fan screams.

Okay. Okay.

WHAT???? Strike? Okay. There’s something wrong with the umpires. AGAIN. In and up. 2 and 2. Yeah. Can’t even fake that, can you, Ump?

Chump rhymes with ump.

Gets a piece to stay alive.

Yes. Stay alive. Like the John Travolta movie.

I think it’s John Travolta. I don’t really dig John Travolta.

Pop up. Caught by Methusalah. Um. I mean Derek Jeter.

Um. Um. Saltalamacchia.

Rolling Rock is NOT my favorite beer.

Saltalamacchia GETS HIT????

Poooooor baby. Painful. The trainer is hugging him right now. My heart hurts.

Anddddddd Girardi gets hurt!!!!!!!

Complaining that Salty swung at that pitch?

That pitch that NAILED HIM LIKE A NUKE????

I love the crowd tonight.

Salty at first. Joe Girardi out.

Let me repeat that. Salty at first. Joe Girardi out.

Maybe the ump’s not so bad.

—-

Reddick. Allllllll up to you buddy.

If you got a home run, we would be tied. But no pressure.

Gardner catches.

Game ends.

TWO MORE STRANDED.

That means 16 men left on base. SIXTEEEEEEEEEEEN.

Frick.

Joe Girardi axed.

Yay.

But 16 stranded????

Now Stanks are a half game behind.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow. Live bloggin’ it up. Come hang out with me tomorrow night.

Gahk.

~L

Categories: Drunken Live Blogging
  1. FireDannyAinge
    August 31, 2011 at 12:12 am

    I watched 5 minutes of this game. We left the bases loaded AGAIN and I shut it off. I have no patience for sucky.

    Was there really a brawl? Damn now I have to go find out what happened.

    Thanks Lauren. Now I have to care. I almost made it. Damn this movie I was watching. Damn Angelina Jolie. Damn guy from Army Wives. Damn Andre Braugher. Damn salt.

  2. FireDannyAinge
    August 31, 2011 at 12:19 am

    Okay so I caught up.

    Have you noticed that it is always the loser nobody bench warmers that start world war three?

    Cervelli is such a punk ass.

    All I know if we better take out Rivera somehow because everyone dotes on that idiot like he is a classy guy when he isn’t even close to being one.

  3. August 31, 2011 at 7:19 am

    I’ll try to remember to join you tonight. I’ll be watching. Hopefully I won’t be screaming at my computer screen like I was last night when D-Mac struck out with the bases loaded.

  1. October 26, 2011 at 11:48 am

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