A mistrial for Chaz? I mean... um... Clemens? Your daily injection

To clarify: I LOVE Chaz Bono. Really. I saw Chaz in NY when Chaz was Chastity and was irrationally excited and my irrational excitement alienated my peers. I took a cell phone picture. I hate Roger Clemens. If I saw him, I would take a cell phone picture, but only so I could post it here and say, “I hate you, Roger Clemens” and have a good visual aid.

The Roger Clemens drama continues. *insert Law and Order soundbite*

A fricking mistrial. Why? Because the prosecutors made a rookie mistake and didn’t follow simple directions.

Really. Click here for proof.

NOW THEY HAVE TO CALL A NEW JURY.

This means we will have to hear about this FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES.

No. I’m secretly (not so secretly) thrilled. I kind of love soap operas. I used to watch them when I was sick in elementary school. When I became a grown up, soap operas became less convenient (and kept cancelling… weird) so I have to use things like this trial to fill the void. Oh, and my job. That’s a void-filler.

The judge halted proceedings this morning over complaints from the defense about the prosecutors use of information the judge had banned – and then the judge quickly accepted their concerns and declared a mistrial.

The defense had objected to the use of part of Clemens’ 2008 testimony about Andy Pettitte, drug use, etc, etc.

Before  a brief recess Walton admonished prosecutors for not editing down portions of the testimony, “I made a ruling that  statements that Mr. Pettitte made to his wife could not be admitted.”

“This clearly runs afoul of my pre-trial rulings.”  Walton told the prosecutors. “That testimony is not going to be relevant.”

Afoul! Such dramatic language. I can just see a pirate belting that out on an angry sea.

Can’t you?

Clemens sure would make a great pirate.

Pirates don’t care what you’re on as long as you have time for some yohohos and a bottle of rum.

Oh, and some horrifically graphic pillaging. Pirates don’t sound so cool when you think about the horrifically graphic pillaging. Kind of like how Roger Clemens doesn’t sound so cool when you think of the needle juice.

So thanks, prosecutors, for making a complex issue even more complex.

Wait a second… there might not even be a fricking trial now? What????

There will be a hearing on September 2 to determine whether Clemens would face double jeopardy, should the government elect to try him. Since it was mostly a procedural error and the jury never made a decision, there will probably be another trial.

Oh, I hope so. Else you’ll get a nasty letter from me, prosecutors.

Not everyone thinks it’s going to be so cut and dry.

“This is also just absolutely terrible pre-trial publicity. The entire world knows now what has happened, and you’re never going to get a fair jury. You can’t even change the venue. Fundamental fairness [says] don’t prosecute Roger. He has a big chance right now to walk away from this. We’re going to find out I think in the next 24 hours whether that happens or not.”

~L

At least SOMETHING good is coming out of all the juice drama…

Baseball players are getting “scared straight.”

But the LA Times explores whether or not it’s trickling down to younger athletes…

Steroid use among teens rose in 2010, according to the University of Michigan’s annual Monitoring the Future study on teenage drug use.

The survey of approximately 50,000 eighth-, 10th- and 12th-graders showed 4 percent of male high school seniors said they used steroids in 2010 — up from 3.4 percent in 2009 and the highest number since 2004.

Still looking for drama? Read this article about how a trial might have reignited the Wade Boggs- Roger Clemens feud of ultimate hilarity.