Home > Daily Injection: Steroid news > Juries and jerks: Your daily injection

Juries and jerks: Your daily injection

Another busy day in the world of growth hormones, as the Roger Clemens melodrama continues. *insert Law and Order-esque da-dah here*

Jury selection continues

And it’s slower than steroid molasses. (never inject molasses, no matter what they tell you)

The first woman questioned was excused after expressing apparent confusion over the presumption of innocence for a defendant…

America, ladies and gents. That’s just one of the potentials. 36 need to be selected before the trial moves forward. OUT of those 36, 12 will be selected. And it’s (as they say in the south), “slim pickin’s.” Could someone tell me what that saying means?

Clemens, as you know, has been charged with SIX felonies for lying to Congress about why his thighs are so beefy. Pettitte, as you know, is just one in a slew of people who call foul on Clemens’ claim that his massive bulk is just about wheaties.

Maybe, prosecutors say, but your wheaties were spiked!

No, he says! Nothing comes between me and my cereal!

Really, they say? Because your cereal bowl looks a lot like a syringe…

No, he says, shaking his mammoth fists! That’s a spoon!

A syringe, good sir!

A spoon! A spoon! A spoon! I’ll spoon your face! I’ll spoon all your faces!

You are out of order! Out of ORDER!

It’s a lot like that in real life. Except the spoons are metaphorical. You know. You can borrow that script, if you want, you know, for dinnertime reenactments. But use plastic spoons, k? Because when we tried it at my dinner table, it got violent.

Opening arguments are set for WEDNESDAY. And I can’t wait. Now the judge says he may not let the prosecution question Pettitte at all. Apparently, having witnesses say they’ve juiced up could tamper impartiality where Clemens is concerned.

This one’s going to be fun. So much juicy (pun intended) drama! It’s like reality television, but I don’t have to have cable!

And… on the other side of the world, people are still testing positive for doping. See, and this is going to continue to be a problem until everyone, across the board, is held accountable. And to hold the accountable, you have to catch them, see… and to catch them *ahem, Selig, ahem* you have to WANT to catch them. The unspoken tolerance? Got to stop.

~L

  1. FireDannyAinge
    July 11, 2011 at 3:01 pm

    They only get tested twice a year. I bet if someone did a survey and compared the Yankees slumps to the drug testing it would all be connected.

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