Home > Guest Bloggers > Jeb: Too Soxy for His Shirt? Jeb, the Pirate Princess, makes his guest blog debut

Jeb: Too Soxy for His Shirt? Jeb, the Pirate Princess, makes his guest blog debut

So, since I’m out and about at work until the wee hours. And then starting work again at wee hour-thirty, Jeb (jeb.mcrary@gmail.com) has graciously volunteered to guest blog today.

Jeb, I dub thee “Pirate Princess.”

I found this picture of Jeb on facebook. So you’ll know who’s blogging at you. If he gives you any trouble, make fun of his team in the comments section.

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My name is Jeb and I’m a Pirates fan.

If you share my affliction, it’s been a long twenty years. The memories of Mazeroski, Clemente, The Lumber Company, We Are Family, and the Killer B’s are but distant memories.[1] The Pirates have failed to put together a winning season since the tragic finale of the 1992 NLCS. Most seasons have ended without a hope of a postseason berth save the nearly-magical season of 1997.[2] Not everyone has suffered with the fade into small-market hell. The owners of the Pirates have done quite well in collecting luxury taxes from the more successful clubs and refusing to use the funds to pay players they’ve spent developing through the minor league system.[3]

But there is hope in the Steel City in 2011. Led by Andrew McCutcheon, the Pirates have more talent on their team in at least a decade. It is late June and the Bucs are still at .500 which is the latest in a season since at least 1999.[4] Hopes are high as there is a possibility the losing skid could finally end in 2011. And dare we dream of a potential playoff berth? Pittsburgh is only a few games out in the NL Central so with a little luck (and St. Louis’s All-Universe Albert Pujols getting injured certainly classifies as “lucky”) anything could happen.

Of course, this isn’t my blog and there’s a reason why I’m making an appearance at “Too Soxy for my Shirt.” Because Red Sox Nation is descending upon the fair city of Pittsburgh! [5] Lauren is probably expecting a sweep because in her mind, the Pirates only exist as a farm club for the elites of MLB. WELL SHE IS DEAD WRONG! (Editor’s note: Lauren is NEVER wrong. She is super smart in all things and Jeb’s Pirates shall rue the day) I’ve prepared a Tale of the Tape to prepare us for this apocalyptic showdown.

Category Pittsburgh Boston Advantage
Stadium Best in baseball Decaying shitty dump Pirates
Ill-fated construction projects None I know about Big Dig Pirates
Recently caught criminals None I know about James Whitey Bulger Pirates
World Series winning % 71.4% 63.6% Pirates

Well there you have it. The Pirates should easily romp over the Red Sox this weekend. (Editor’s note: Ha. Ha-ha. Ha, ha) Never mind the fact that I still think the Pirates are at least a year away from breaking the losing streak. Or the fact that I picked the Red Sox to win the World Series. (Editor’s note: Darn tootin’) Or the fact that that Red Sox Nation travels very well. Or the fact that the Pirates aren’t doing particularly well at home. Never mind all that trivia! I expect a Pirates sweep with an average margin of victory of around 7-8 runs.  Go Pirates! Make Lauren cry and we’ll nourish ourselves off the salt of her tears! (Editor’s note: Hey! I think you just Posada-ed yourself with that closing comment, Jeb McRary)


[1] To illustrate how distant these memories are, there was actually a time where people were able to lump Bobby Bonilla with Barry Bonds in the same nickname and somehow keep from laughing hysterically.

[2] Fun fact: During the 1997 season, I attended the only extra-innings combined no-hitter in MLB history. Francisco Cordova and Ricardo Rincon were the pitchers against the hated Houston Astros. And the game ended with a walkoff home run. And there were fireworks. It was a good night.

[3] Thus functioning as a highly profitable minor league ballclub. Check out this article published on Deadspin last year.  http://deadspin.com/5615096/mlb-confidential-the-financial-documents-baseball-doesnt-want-you-to-see-part-1

[4] The days of Brian Giles and Jason Kendall.

[5] Hide your kids. Hide your wife.

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Categories: Guest Bloggers
  1. FireDannyAinge
    June 24, 2011 at 6:43 pm

    Fenway is not a dump anymore. Me thinks this so called baseball team on Johnny Depp’s side of things must stop talking smack on a Red Sox blog.

    Lauren get your priorities straight. Blogging before work, duh.

  2. Jeb
    June 24, 2011 at 10:20 pm

    Raise the Jolly Roger! Pirates take the first game of the series!

  3. FireDannyAinge
    June 24, 2011 at 11:46 pm

    I love the red sox. We will probably get swept by the lowly Pirates then sweep Philly.lol

  4. June 25, 2011 at 12:52 am

    JEB MCRARY, I AM NEVER LEAVING YOU IN CHARGE AGAIN. BAH.

    • FireDannyAinge
      June 25, 2011 at 1:22 am

      He said Fenway was a Decaying shitty dump. Damn him to hell TooSoxy. Oh wait he already is there. Pittsburgh:)

  5. June 25, 2011 at 9:37 am

    No one calls Fenway Park a “decaying shitty dump” and lives to see the next day. Pittsburgh?? Best stadium in baseball?? And where does he get those percentages? The Sox have won 7 and his pathetic Pirates have won 5, the last of which was 32 years ago. Fenway Park remains “America’s Most Beloved Baseball Stadium.” And Boston remains one of the two best towns in America for baseball (the other, according to “them,” is St. Louis, which I know next to nothing about). Don’t ever let this guy have your blog again, Soxy! K, thx.

  6. June 25, 2011 at 10:44 am

    After seeing the Phils struggle to get a run across…let alone a hit…last night vs. the A’s…starting to wonder about that whole “World Series Preview” thing when Boston invades Philadelphia. Hometown Phils may not be calibrated correctly just yet. (TooSoxy, nice counter-programming move on the blog…I see your strategy to have someone guest who will trash the Red Sox. Very marketing-savvy…look at the passionate reactions!)

  7. Jeb
    June 25, 2011 at 11:07 am

    The percentages are based off of appearing in the World Series and winning it. The Pirates have been to 7 and won 5 while Boston has been to 11 and won 7. Pittsburgh is just MUCH more efficient at getting the job done when they make it! :)

    BEST STADIUM IN BASEBALL! http://espn.go.com/page2/s/ballparks/pncpark.html

    And I don’t live in “Hell” aka known as Pittsburgh but it’s funny you say that. Because Pittsburgh regularly outranks Boston in Most Livable Cities lists. So if Pittsburgh is hell, Boston is being devoured by Satan along with Brutus, Cassius, and Judas Iscariot.

    I’d ask for another guest appearance but I predict a superstitious Lauren will ban that for the rest of the weekend to ensure a 2-1 series for Boston.

  8. FireDannyAinge
    June 25, 2011 at 9:36 pm

    Oh Please. I don’t live in Boston. No one lives in Boston except College kids. All suburbs baby. I live among the rich.

    We might suck right now but in the end we will either be there or not be there. (I know I am going out on a limb with that educated guess AKA prediction) but I do know it doesn’t matter what we do in this series (obviously nothing) the Pirates will not be there. I will take solace in that and John Lackey.

    SA, It’s a marathon not a sprint but I hear you.

  9. Jeb
    June 25, 2011 at 10:07 pm

    “We might suck right now but in the end we will either be there or not be there. (I know I am going out on a limb with that educated guess AKA prediction) but I do know it doesn’t matter what we do in this series (obviously nothing) the Pirates will not be there.”

    Wow! What a bold prediction! You mean the mega-salary BoSox, who many including myself picked to win the World Series, is likely to make the playoffs, while the small-salaried Pirates who haven’t won since 1992 are likely to not make the playoffs? The odds of such a gutsy prediction coming true have to be something like 95%!

    But I have an even braver prediction. This one has 100% chance of being true. Even if Boston beats Pittsburgh by 40 runs tomorrow, it won’t matter. They will still have lost a series to the lowly Pirates.

    I hope those grapes are sour enough for ya!

  10. FireDannyAinge
    June 25, 2011 at 10:56 pm

    Small salary AKA cheap owners doesn’t work when the Tampa Bay Devil Rays are doing what they are doing. Tampa is even doing this in the ALE. The Pirates division is garbage. No offense. Besides the Cardinals who’s best player is injured what is great about that division?

    Sour grapes, Me? Never. I am still on a Bruins high. The Red Sox are what they are. They love to play down to the competition which explains their record against The Pirates vs the Yankees. They all seem to love 8 or 9 game win streaks only to tank the next few games which is the roll they are on now. Typical.

    You started this calling Fenway (well you remember) I am just filling in the blanks. If the Red Sox were in ANY other division they A wouldn’t have this pay roll and B would be in first place.(Except the Phillies division where they would be in second.) As great as the Phillies are I would rather be in their division then the ALE. Toronto and Baltimore could give all the National league teams a run for their money. The ALE is just not fair. All it does is hold 5 teams down.

    If you are going to bad mouth a place at least visit it sometime this Century other wise this is me being nice. You have no clue what I am like when I am mean haha. Plus you’re too serious. Lighten up.

    If I was being mean I could totally pick on Pittsburgh and how they live in Phillies shadow like the Mets but I am not that mean. Plus I like the Steelers (Shhh DON’T TELL ANYONE)

  11. Jeb
    June 26, 2011 at 1:20 am

    I never said small salary doesn’t work. Oakland and Tampa have done the small market thing very well. Perhaps you missed the part where I mentioned how the Pirates owners don’t invest in the team and leech off the teams that try to win (Boston)?

    Is everyone really taking the Fenway thing that seriously? You’d think my using Whitey Bulger and The Big Dig as reasons the Pirates would win the series would have given the game away.

    Who said the NL Central was special? I guess it’s tough because there’s 6 teams so one extra competitor but it’s not that great. Houston is awful. The Cubs are the Cubs. The top three are decent but I don’t expect to see any of them in the NLCS.

    The AL East is the toughest division but that’s no reason to resort to hyperbole. Toronto and Baltimore would give every team in the NL a run for the money? My computer thanks God I wasn’t drinking something when I read that.

    I never said anyone was mean. And I don’t get called “too serious” toooften. So that’s pretty neat.

  12. June 26, 2011 at 1:36 am

    Look at all the comments! Jeb, you passed the test. Now you should really get your own blog. See how much fun it is? Thanks for babysitting my blog when I was away. And as for the Pirates? Fisk will judge them. Fisk will judge us all.

  13. June 26, 2011 at 10:43 am

    TooSoxy gets the Internet Marketing Award for 2011 for having Jeb guest…Jeb gets the Internet Interaction Award for 2011 for this post…and since FDA confessed to being a closet Steelers fan let me volunteer I had no earthly idea who the hell Whitey Bulger was until he was caught. I hear he had a Red Sox cap on when he was nabbed…

  14. June 26, 2011 at 11:00 am

    Please. EVERYONE knows mobsters are Yankees fans. And, um, Mavericks fans.

  15. June 26, 2011 at 5:55 pm

    Jeb has been eerily quiet today. Can’t imagine why! I do hope he’s okay.

  16. FireDannyAinge
    June 26, 2011 at 9:19 pm

    I am a closet Steelers fan. I hate admitting that because back in 2001 I HATED them. My God they had their bags packed before they played the Patriots for their trip to the Superbowl. I’ll probably hate them again when they beat us in some playoff game. For now they are safe since I blame all Patriot loses on Tom Brady in a Yankee hat and retired Cristian Fauria plus I hate when sports teams get all bitter cuz everyone loves the Sox more then any other Boston team. The Patriots are big time whiners about that.

    Again I lost my train of thought.

    I live here and I never heard Whitey had a Sox hat on when he was caught. Where have I been. It’s okay killers without souls are allowed to have favorite baseball teams though killlers are usually Yankee fans.

  17. Jeb
    June 27, 2011 at 4:58 pm

    I was eerily quiet because I was on the road to visit my brother who is graduating from the Navy Hospital Corpsman training program! ANCHORDS AWEIGH and all that jazz. But yeah the Pirates lost. I’m not too upset. We won 2 out of 3 against one of the best teams in baseball. I’ll take that anytime.

    I think this should be a new recurring segment. “Jeb pretends to be a fan of whoever the Red Sox play and talks shit.” Pageview gold!

  18. June 27, 2011 at 5:11 pm

    Seriously. Start your own blog. Then I could trash talk it on my blog and we’d both be winners. :)

  1. June 26, 2011 at 7:50 pm

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