Sayin’s in the South
I’m not sure how to type the word “south” in a southern accent. They say it in almost three syllables here. It’s like Say-Ow-Th (the TH is totally a syllable, but soft) and fast. Like butter.
Anyway, one of my favorite things about the southern dialect isn’t the southern dialect itself. It’s the things the southern dialect says.
These cutesy sayings. You know, like “I do declare, Youkie-Bear, why, aren’t you just a tall drink of water?”
But not all sayings are complimentary or pleasant.
Like, “Why, Daniel Bard, you just poo-pooed all over our parade.”
Not to be taken literally, of course.
What a horrible parade that will be.
But you get my drift.
So I was thinking… the best way to describe last night is with a southern phrase I haven’t thought of yet.
Something that sounds like a disastrous country song on a Hallmark card of tragedy.
I thought I would get your ideas. So, implore your inner southerner to explain in cutesy southern speak EXACTLY WHAT THE FRICK HAPPENED LAST NIGHT.
You know, like *ahem*: We were just two sandwiches short of a picnic. One fry short of a Happy Meal. Bard’s as full of wind as a corn eatin’ horse. Bard, you could even depress the devil. You’re as mad as a mule chewin’ on bumblebees. We fell harder than a drunk into a tree. The game was so ugly that its mom had to tie a pork shop around its bullpen just so the dog would play with it.
My theory is, that *ahem* just like a cool glass o’ sweet tea (I’m working on it, OKAY?), this will provide cathartic rays of sunshine on our Tuesday.
So, hit the comments and get cutesy.
Because last night? Was SO not cutesy. So let’s fix it with southern sass. SportsAttitudes, I see you being good at this.
Winner gets a prize. It’s called respect.