Yay!!!! John Lackey “strains” shoulder. Oh, and Gonz is the bee’s knees
With John Lackey out of the lineup, nothing can stop us now. We’re mediocre+ and bigger news than Jorge Posada’s strained ego.
Yesterday was old school. The kind of game that has us throwing forks against drywall (I know I’m not the only one). The kind of game that has us out of leftover moving bubble wrap in thirty seconds. The kind of game that scares your puppy so badly she hides in the bathtub. Again.
It was that kind of game. The kind where just as you’ve ripped the leftover plastic pieces into shreds, just when you’re about to pull a Hulk on some cardboard boxes, they rally and stomp.
There was some major rally-stomp action, thanks to the best investment we’ve made since that Marlins trade years ago: Adrian Gonzalez.
See, Adrian Gonzalez isn’t just a hero. You know, like Jason Bay. The kind of hero that sweeps in, makes the save, and leaves you to clean up the glass and file the damages with your insurance company.
Adrian Gonzalez is a guardian. He’s in it for the long haul, not just to catch you that one time when you find yourself falling off the empire state building.
Biggest comeback since 2009 Yankee stadium, they tell me. But it feels like the biggest comeback of all time. It’s probably because of our subpar trend with mediocrity. Maybe it’s because we’re all just so damn sick and tired of coming to work and finding a broom waiting for us in our cubicle. There’s just something about this season that’s been taxing. It’s not losing. We’ve lost before. It’s this groaning, agonizing BARELY losing crap. This playing against ourselves and LOSING to ourselves crap. It’s JOHN LACKEY (who, saints be praised, is on the DL list and can’t bother us again… for… you know… at least a week).
We needed this.
We got this.
And we’re over .500, baby.
But Dice-K, dear, this does NOT mean we’re okay. You need to work on your issues and your fear of going over that .500 hurdle. I get it. Because, see, once we’re mediocre+, there’s no going back to Lackey-esque obscurity. It’s up, up, up, and that’s a lot of pressure.
But Dice-K, dear, if you do not suck it up and start channeling old you, we are going to have a problem.
Okay. Now go celebrate with your little friends.
See, this feels good, but as I have said (at least twice), the ORIOLES are the WORST team in the ALE. They just are. So, enjoy the feeling. A victory is a victory, but just keep in mind that it’s a victory against the WORST team.
And Jorge Po-drama? (Thanks, Jup)
Who gives a frick?
And Boston Globe started a debate today: Should we resign Papi? Um. Yes. Yes, Tito. Don’t listen to them. YES.
You know, the Stankees are .513.
We are THREE games out of Tampa. Do you know who else is THREE games out of Tampa? Well, Toronto, but also NEW YORK. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it.
And, I don’t care what statistics say. Tampa is the other WORST team. They are rising out of the dust because the rest of us are killing each other. I give it a month.
PS- So, I was just doing some reading. I read, you know. Apparently, Joe Girardi banned ICE CREAM from the Yankees dugout. No WONDER Posada wants out.
Apparently, the ice cream ban isn’t a recent development. He banned soda too. And this was years ago. But I’m sure the ice cream deprivation adds up. You know.
Banning ice cream is like… it’s like… banning ICE CREAM.